My childhood was a mix of abuse and neglect, will the pain ever go away???

Question

I feel so drained and lonley.

Answer 1

I feel your pain honey, been there and done that too. The one thing you must understand is that it is in the past, nothing or nobody can change it. However, you can change yourself and your future. That is all you can change. All of the things that were so hard on you growing up be determined not to follow in those steps. There are still days (I am 53) when I feel that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach, so when I had children, I did not beat them, get drunk around them, leave them to look after themselves. I was a far better parent than either of mine were and I am proud of it. Shake it off sweetie, don't live in the past it is history, you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and say how can I make my life better. You can do it honey I know you can, I have faith in you! Good luck, God bless and put angels on your pillows.

Answer 2

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. Afraid to tell you it will never go away completely, but you will learn to live with it. try immersing yourself in an activity that you love, physical or mental and keep on going. Perhaps volunteer at a retirement home. many of those people are very lonely too.
I know where you are coming from and with time memories will fade. My grandmother tried to poison me and she went after my sister with a butcher knife. My parents were always away because my mom had serious health problems and between the ages of 9 & 17 she was constantly in the hospital. I would suggest professional help. I still have serious problems wit depression so I take an OTC medication called Sam-e. I get by really well but have a lot of blank spots in my memory because the powers that be deemed it best that I don't remember. Good luck.

Answer 3

See a doctor and request counselling. Then go to: http://www.relax7.com/7.php and see the 2 easily learned techniques in the last 6 blogs of Shan Eris at www.myspace.com and practice one for 20 mins./day. Do some work for charity or a worthwhile cause, like Meals on Wheels or writing letters in support of prisoners of conscience for Amnesty International (there are hundreds; choose one) and take up a course in self defence, for the confidence and meditative skills you will acquire, and another subject, like ceramics or art or writing is good, and gets you into contact with people. The pain will probably always be with you, but memory fades with the years, and you can learn to enjoy life most of the time, and use your coping strategies for the rest.

Answer 4

I am sorry that you had such a hard childhood. I, too, was abused and neglected.

Will the pain go away? Sadly, the pain will not just "go away." You have to work to heal your pain. Personally, I did therapy (not sure if it really helped). But, I found something that really helped, EFT.

The reason you still have pain is that your unexpressed emotions get trapped in your body. Emotions are energy moving through your body. When you can't express them (like when you are being abused and cannot cry) they get trapped, then later, when something happens that reminds you of that incident, the emotions get "triggered" again.

You can learn how to release your painful emotions of the past or the present by using EFT(Emotional Freedom Technique) or Emotional Tapping. EFT is an acupressure tapping technique. It is easy to learn (you can learn it in 15-30 minutes). You can do it anytime, anyplace for any emotional or physical issue. You can use it for present of past issues. I learned EFT last March and now use it everyday.

To learn EFT, please download the free EFT Instructional manual from the EFT website (www.emofree.com).

I know you feel drained and lonely now, but believe me, things will get better for you. In addition to learning EFT, please read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay

Answer 5

I have found that you alone cant fix your self. I found that doctors therapy and Meds for me Helped out. I had other issues of mental health. I now look back and it seems like the weight of the world was some what off my shoulders. I to had childhood problems, Bad ones. If I could give one good suggestion, Go see a doctor and open up and talk about it and see what they say?

Answer 6

You have to decide that for yourself.
You can dwell on the past, or you can
push forward and make the best out
of who you have become, and each
day you have been given on this earth.

Start by realizing your gifts and doing
for others!

I find that doing for others is the best
way to take the focus off of myself
and put good things out into the world
around me.

A little counseling couldn't hurt either
if you feel like you have to talk about
it.

Hang in there!
.

Answer 7

How old are you now? My child hood was the same way. I was beat alot. I was verbally abused alot also. My parents were both alcoholics.I couldnt wait until I reached 18. I ran away when I was 16. I lyed and told my parents I was going to have a baby.I guess you know what came next?? ALCOHOL!!Wow did I create my own hell.I lived in a bottle 24-7.I was in and out of rehabs. I was constently blaming my mom and dad for my hell.As for my love life, if you didnt beat me you didnt love me. My counsler said thats the only attention my parents gave me. So I thought them hitting me was their way of showing they loved me. So if my men didnt beat me, I just figured they were using me or something. They coudlnt love me. Then came my own kids.
I got married and had two little girls and the abuse started. I would hide brusies from my husband. My god, he would flip out if he knew i wasnt the perfect mother.So I left him , he took my kids from me. I guess that was the lords work there.Ive been thru alot. I finally quit blaming my parents for my own hell. i had to forgive them or it would eventualy kill me. They did the best that they knew how.
So I would tell you, yes the pain will go away, but please put a stop to the cycle. Let it stop with you. Please dont abuse your girl or your kids, because you feel thats all you know.You are going to need help. Talk to some one. Get all that bullsh__ out. Throw it all out on the floor, get up and walk away
Its going to take some time, but you dont have to live in a hell.
Go out there and create a heaven, you will definitly be in my prayers. God Bless you and yours!!

Answer 8

I think that depends form one person to the next. However, even though you will probably move on at some point and focus on the present, it definitely IS hard to shut out those memories altogether. You can't just forget it happened and I understand that.
Think about the people that make you happy and look ahead, not back.

Answer 9

Yes, when you can forgive them. You can do this by praying for them, and turning them over to God and let him deal with them. I have a stone, on 1 side it says "forgive" on the other side it says " forgiven!" That's written in stone-it's God's word, that's the way it works (though hard at times) there's no way around it, you Must Forgive. Then you can move on with the strenght to love and believe in yourself. It's a wonderful feeling of freedom. If you need a little push, consider this, you can start by pittying them for doing what they did, and then you can give yourself the respect you deserve, as you must know ; no-one determines your self-worth, except you and the level of integrity you practice living!

Answer 10

It won't completely go away but with lots of therapy and learning to love yourself, the worst of it can be overcome so that you can have a happy and fulfilling life...you need to make an affirmation tape of your voice telling you what a beautiful, smart, creative, responsible, and terrific person you are and listen to it often (I still have to listen to mine with a headset after all these years) and it might help--I believe it saved my life...email me if you want a copy of my list and more specific details on this kind of project...