people send me some really cool jokes and riddles?

Question

i want some jokes to tell my friends but i don't have any so please help me.

Answer 1

ok

a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all rob a bank. as the police are chasing them, they all dive into an alley and hide in potato sacks. the officers enter the alley and kick the first sack which has the redhead, and the redhead says, "MEEEOW!" and the officers go, oh, it's just a cat. and then, they kick the second sack which is the brunette, and the brunette goes, "Bark, Bark!" and the officers go, it's just a dog. so then they kick the third sack and it's the blonde and the blonde says, "POTAAATOES!"

lol, hope this is funny enough!

Answer 2

Okay there goes.


A guy came home early one day from work and heard weird sounds comming from his bedroom. When he went upstairs he found hiswife naked and sweating.
" What the HECK is going on?" He said.
"I'm having a heart attack," she stammered.
So he ran downstairs and dailed 911. As he wwas doing this his young son ran up to him and said, "Daddy, Uncle Tommy is upstairs hiding inthe closet, and he's naked."
The Father slammed the phone down and ran upstairs to find his brother. "What the HECK are you doing?" he screamed. " My Wife is having a heart attack, and you're running around naked , scaring the kids!"

Answer 3

A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father replies, “Making a baby.” The little boy says, “Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead!"

Answer 4

What begans with T, ends with T, and has T in it? A Teapot.

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery

Answer 5

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~...
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans.

So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.

However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~...
http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html...

Answer 6

okay.
there are two men drowning
one is an IRS agent
the other is a lawyer.
you can only save one.
do you eat lunch or read the paper?