We're getting married this summer and he keeps wanting to pay for things that the couple getting married doesn't usually pay for...groomsmens tuxes, his friends hotel rooms, drinks from the bar. He wants to gift his bestman with a drumset. He wants to feed the DJ and the photographers which not only is expensive, but it also takes away from our guest list.
On top of all this he wants to spend 10 minutes max taking photos between the ceremony and the reception cause he doesn't want everyone to have to wait to eat (even though we're having hors d'oeuvres walked around by waitors and a piano player during the time they're waiting and socializing)
My parents are paying for the wedding and even though my fiance is planning on paying for all this extra stuff, my parents are still offended because they're paying for this really, really nice wedding and he wants to spend all this money on craziness (instead of helping with the wedding or honeymoon)
tell me i'm not going crazy...
2007-02-28 09:55:25 · 13 answers · asked by Candy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
just so everyone knows..since i'm getting so many comments on it, the dinner is seated and it's $70 a plate...that's my only concern. there are several people who will be there because they've been hired to perform one service or another.. that adds up, you know? Do i feed everyone?
2007-02-28 11:55:07 · update #1
Some requests are silly.
First, a drum set? Rediculous! I am buying my groomsan pocket watches, $40 each.
Drinks: Well we have an open bar but if you are not, that is a gesture worth getting because guests will be giving you a nice gift (hopefully) and an open bat is worth having.
I roadied for a DJ Company (I was the guy who did all the stuff while the DJ and MCs woked the party). We were fed at 99% of the palces we worked at... and we were "given meals" by the party throwers rarely. The staff will give them food (something to munch on).
With the prices of everything in life (house, education etc), save pennies where you can because you will need them.
Me and my fiance are trying to save as many pennies here and there as possible! Extra stuff is nice, but unneeded!
2007-02-28 10:09:20 · answer #1 · answered by AntDU 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I don't get it - you don't think it's crazy to have a piano player or hors d'oeuvres, but you think it's crazy to pay for all this other stuff? Why don't you just have an informal ceremony, and spend ALL of the money you saved on the wedding to have a nice honeymoon? Any of the items you're spending money on could be considered "craziness" by someone else. There are things that are important to you, but there's stuff that is important to your fiancé; you need to agree on what's most important - which might mean sacrificing some of the things that are precious to you in order to have something HE feels is important. The wedding is for BOTH of you, let him have his fun too.
2007-02-28 10:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're the bride. It's your wedding. Period. You need to allow an hour and a half MINIMUM for photos. Remind the idiot that the photos and YOU are the only thing that will be around in the future. Buying a drum set for the best man is fine if your fiance has the budget of Bill Gates but his cash would be better spent on YOUR honeymoon or left in the bank. He has no idea how much it costs to set up housekeeping. I know, I know, you don't want to cause an argument so why don't you play the intelligent,flirty,female card - snuggle up and ask him if maybe he'd rather be buying a drum set for his own little boy one day. Gifts for the best man, maid of honor usually cost $25. to $100 MAXIMUM. The other attendants: $20 to $40. Fergawdsakes - Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes only bought the bridesmaids heart necklaces worth about $900 !!! Your invitations should clearly state time of wedding, and time of reception beginning with cocktails at ...., dinner at ...... It is USUAL for there to be a 2 to 4 hour gap between ceremony and reception to allow for photos. Loads of people - including the bridal party - skip out for burgers right after ceremony. Your parents are paying for the wedding and he should show his appreciation to them by allowing them to have hundreds of fabulous photos of their daughter on her wedding day!! Where did you find this guy -- under a mat at the bar?!
Regarding the meals for the DJ, etc. - usually that is right in their contract and, even if it isn't, it's just plain good manners!! Open bar - only if you're totally rich. People drink a lot more if the booze is free and drunks can ruin your reception. Why not compromise and have drinks free with the hors d'oevres session, usually just red or white wine or champagne punch is served so people can walk around. Then, people who want to get loaded can buy drinks after the dinner during the dance. You could subsidize them, if you wish , like maybe charge 2 for $5.00 to cover the hotel corkage charge. I have been to weddings where there was a sign " Mary and Bill's parents are hosting this bar. Any donations of $2.00 per drink will be sent to the ....charity" No one complained and actually they got lots of compliments.
It really doesn't sound like you two have sat down and PLANNED the wedding with your parents. Any nice, respectable guy wuold be sitting down with your parents and going over everything to show his responsibility for your care in the future. Your parents have every right to be concerned and offended. Instead of buying a drum set (I'm still SHOCKED at this!!), your fiance should be paying for more of the wedding. By the way, does he know thT IT IS CUSTOMARY FOR THE GROOM AND HIS FAMILY TO PAY FOR ALL THE FLOWERS and liquor?
2007-02-28 11:17:43 · answer #3 · answered by Wifeforlife 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
wow, the two of you need to have a serious discussion about this. Is this going to be indicative of the way he will spend money once you are married? The grooms can pay for their own tuxes. Are you having an open bar? IF not, they can pay for their own drinks and oh, photographs are extremely important so he needs to deal with it and stand there and have his picture taken.
2007-02-28 11:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by Dawnita 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW $70 you have a good deal. But you do traditional feed the dj, photogrpher and so on. If they are going to be there all day you can't have them not eat. As for the drum set unreal. is he getting maried or the best man.
2007-03-01 05:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by my3dc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you noticed this behavior before in him? If not, then it could just be wedding jitters! Guys don't really know what they should & shouldn't be doing before the wedding. Time to sit him down & have a nice talk, if he still won't listen, lay down the law! If that doesn't work tell him that you are going to postpone the wedding until he comes to his senses! Maybe that will wake him up!
If this is behavior you have notice in him before, you just might be buying a looser! He may have other great qualities but putting yourselves in debt can ruin a marriage, especially if it is being done by only one of you!
2007-02-28 10:14:36 · answer #6 · answered by geegee 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Hmmmmmmmm he seems a bit outlandish but it's hard since he is paying for it. As for feeding the photographer and DJ....that is proper they have to eat too.
2007-02-28 11:41:16 · answer #7 · answered by sjlova86 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him.
If he is this way now imagine how much debt you will have to live with.
2007-02-28 11:14:20 · answer #8 · answered by ee 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like hes taking advantage. money doesnt grow on trees, unless he has a secret stash some where that he can afford all these extras, id tell him no!!!!
2007-02-28 10:31:56 · answer #9 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It's his wedding too
2007-02-28 10:16:27 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋