am i wrong in doing this and not telling the truth?

Question

Am i wrong in doing this?
i have found out that i have chlymadia and ghonera and i feel like my life is over becuase it has gone none treated for years and has made serious damage to my reproductive organs causing me to be infertile. i am 19 and been with my boyfriend for over 3 years and he has been by only sex parnter so i know he is infected too. i do not want to tell him becuase if i can not have children with him then i dont want him too either. i had symptoms and he has none so he will probaly be infertile too if he leaves it. i just cant tell him incase his is curable and then he will leave me and have children with some one else. am i wrong and bad?

yeah i went doctors, my results came abck today. i know i sound so selfish and i feel awful but right now im just angry that he has given them to me and he will probably be able to have children while i cannot. i know he will leave me eventually becuase i know how much kids mean to him.

Is it possible he has cheated?? Why are you saying this? I have assumed he had it from the start. I seriosuly cant deal with this no more. Infertility and cheating all in one day. I cant deal with it. I really cant.

Answer 1

I hope everybody reading this question understands the scope of what you are talking about. Sure, honesty is very important, Sure there are legal guidelines for you but thats not the issue. You have made the same mistake millions of young girls are doing. Number one, stop having sex now until your doctor clears you. Number two, your boyfriend has been sleeping with someone else. You now need to take control of your life, your boyfriend cannot. Its time to find someone that can give you some positives. Find a good church, a counselor, a friend or someone that can put you in a positive direction and give you support. then you can decide the direction you need to go. At least you can start your life over with a positive path rather than the negative one you are on now. You need everyone on this site to put you in their prayers. You are in mine.

Answer 2

Well, if you've come to that realization, then that's good. But then again, because of the fact that he's given you chlymadia and ghonera shouldn't mean that you should wish those bad things upon the person that gave you those things. You have to accept and forgive him for what he did.You must!And just because you maynot be able to have children, doesn't mean that there are other options (adoption).If he'd leave you just because you can't have kids, then he's really not someone you'd want to cling to.If he was really serious about being with you, he'd stay there with you through thick and thin and help you out if you ever decide to adopt a child.Think about it.

Answer 3

Are you sure that your current bf didn't give it to you.

You are not bad and wrong for not telling him. You just feel so insecure that he will leave you.
But, if you really love him you will let him know, and if he loves you then he won't leave you just to go and have kids with someone else.

Question - Have you seen a doctor about this yet?

You need to make sure that you take care of yourself



**Added on after additional details..........**

Yes, ma'am he has probably cheated on you, or had those STD's before you came along.
I know that it can be very devasting, to find all of this out in a day. He needs to know what he has done to you.
And if he has it, then he probably won't be able to get anyone else pregnant without spreading it on.
Why, do you want to continue to be with him after he has caused you all of this heartache.
You will have another chance at love.
There are so many children up for adoption, or foster care. So, if you long for a child you can definitely have one that will be ready to receive the love you have to give.

Answer 4

You do realize that by not telling him you will only become re-infected. Have you really read up on the seriousness of this disease? Gonorrhea is one of the more serious STDs... Untreated it will infect your brain, heart and joints and eventually lead to death. You probably have a form of it in your throat also and in your eyes, since you have had it long term and have been sexually active multiple times with an infected person. SO, this means you are posing a risk for those around you such as small children who may come in contact with you after you have wiped your eyes or drinking after you. Honey, this is such a serious disease... you have now made yourself more vulnerable to HIV and all sorts of things. I don't know why you would continue to engage in sex with an infected partner and risk your life. You need to step back and think about what you are doing. Forget that you can't have kids, that's the least of your worries! As for your bf who has it, does he not see the puss dripping from his penis? You need to tell him and you need to get him treated too!

Please read up on this disease...it has killed many over the years. Play smart and if nothing else save your life!

Answer 5

Okay, first, calm down. It's going to be okay.

Your next priority is that you have to focus on getting better. After that and your meds are finished, go to a fertility specialist. You'll need to have an HSG done (where they check for blockage in your tubes) and then an ultrasound. There may be a way to salvage your fertility. A lot of gyn's will give gloom and doom news but to be sure see a SPECIALIST.

I'm sorry to say this but the fact that you have showed symptoms recently, point to you being infected relatively recently. With that said, if he had it all along, you would have presented the symptoms to begin with. He is most likely cheating. You may want to try to find out if he knew he had it all along. Ghonorrhea is usually pretty painful for men although they can be asymtomatic. Yes, he needs to know so he doesn't infect anyone else. If he did know, you may be able to sue him for not telling you.

After you've done all your detective work and dumped him, please please please be careful from now on. I don't care if you date for 3 months or three years, from now on use a condom all the time, EVERY time. And then twice a year have yourself and your partner tested for STDs including HIV. It's just not safe out there sexually and more and more young people are finding this out. I live in an area where one high school in Birmingham has a sky high HIV infection rate.

I hope that you get better really soon and get better news at the specialists office. And please, take better care of you in the future.

Answer 6

I think you're scared and who can blame you.

First of all, you need to tell him. If you love him, you'd want him to get treatment whether he becomes infertile or not. I'm sorry, but it's cruel and selfish to let this continue and you WILL lose him if he finds out you knew and didn't tell him. Relationships are built on honesty and trust and remaining quiet will shatter this.

Second of all, if he loves you and forgives you for remaining quiet this long, then there are other measures for having children such as adoption. If he leaves, wish the best for him and let him go. You'll find someone who will accept you for you.

Answer 7

You HAVE to tell him. It would be selfish to not say something because what if he gives it to some other girls? Think about how you felt when you found out - probably devistated. Plus, if he has it, he's been cheating already; so if he WERE to get a girl pregnant, that baby could be born with those infections.

Tell him and move on. Plus, if you are able later on, you can get invitro and still haev your own children. Those infections don't affect eggs...only tissue.

Answer 8

If HE has been your only sex partner, then honey, he is CHEATING on you, or else he KNEW and didn't tell YOU!!
What are YOU worried about? The scum cheated, contracted a venereal disease, and GAVE IT TO YOU!!
YOU should be profusely FURIOUS for potentially ruining any chance that you may ever have children. HE took away that right from you!!
First you need to see a fertility specialist, then a lawyer.\
And STOP sleeping with this scumbag!

Answer 9

You shouldn't be so selfish, your life isn't over people out there are infertlie and live a life. Your boyfriend needs to know, and has a right to know!!! If you tell him now and he loves you he will work through it with you, but it will be hard. YOU MUST TELL HIM!! HIDING IT WILL ONLY HURT YOU BOTH! how would you feel if he had found out and not told you?? Later on down the road you find out, you would be crushed and feel dirty and used! TELL HIM!

Answer 10

YES you are so wrong! If you seriously care about this guy you will tell him! He needs to get treatment now! If you two are meant to be together and he wants kids, you two can adopt. But if you are not honest with him and he finds out on his own, he will hate you for it. Get off the computer and sit him down and tell him! I hope you just found out and haven't been hiding it for sometime.