Ok so i have a best friend and she is getting married this fall it came as a surprise to everyone. I have known her and been best friends with her for almost 13 years her and her family even lived with me for 4 years. She met this other girl about 3 years ago and this girl has had a rough life she lost her son and has recently gotten out of jail for robbery. My best friend has told me that she is considering having the other girl be her maid of honor and not me. How is this possible? I know you can have more then 1 best friend and yes i will admit it does make me slightly jealous cuz ive been there for her a lot more longer i dont know what to do and i dont know how to tell my best friend how i feel its suppose to be her special day and i dont want her feeling bad or feeling as if she has made the wrong choice and her worrying about it someone please help me!!!!!
2007-02-28 09:23:41 · 16 answers · asked by ~* White Gurl *~ 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I definitely see your point with your friend's choice, but keep in mind that if she goes with the other person, if you're upset with her it will only make her want to exclude you from the wedding. And there would be plenty of other ways you could help her with planning! At any rate, you could talk to your friend and tell her that you understand her position in wanting to include both you and the other woman in her bridal party, and so you suggest that both of you work together as her MOH. You can even suggest this as a way to make things easier for the other woman, in light of the fact that at such a rough time in her life, the responsibilities as MOH might be too much for her to handle on her own, and that you want to make sure that everything goes well for your friend's big day. I think that the bride will appreciate your concern and won't be offended, because you're not trying to oust the other woman all together. As long as you're nice about it and show that your ultimate concern is making sure that your friend's wedding comes off without a hitch, I think you'll be fine. Good luck!
2007-02-28 09:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you friend doesn't know the old saying "Charity begins at home". Sounds like in her feeling sorry for the hard life this girl has had she is trying to make it up to her in some way. I do see why you think she is bring unfair. If she felt like that she could have asked both of you. Again in UK only one bridesmaid or maid of honor actually signs the register so at the end of the day if same in US she would still be putting one of you in first place. I think a one to one chat with her is certainly needed, otherwise you will just build up more and more resentment. Tell her if it's true you have nothing against the other girl but you feel let down by her and can't understand why. Also sometimes brides are afraid their attendant(s) outshine them. Could it be you are prettier than her? It isn't the first time it has been obvious this happened by brides planning a wedding. Thing is if she changed her mind after you talking to her and she had you only you would know if this has sealed the friendship again or if things would never be the same. Sincerely hope you manage to sort this out and remain firm friends.
2007-02-28 10:19:02 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah. I saw the title of the question and thought you were the one doing the choosing, not the one vying to be chosen.
In any event, my fiancee and I actually had this exact problem. We each have two attendants, both of whom have been very important to us over the years, and we weren't sure what to do about which one should be the MOH/best man.
We solved the problem: we don't have a best man or a maid of honor. We just have two attendants each, and will list them alphabetically in the program.
This is actually my second time being engaged (first marriage, but second engagement). Do what my brother did when I nominated someone else to be my best man the first time around: insist that you be allowed to make a toast at the rehearsal dinner.
2007-02-28 16:33:01 · answer #3 · answered by JohnD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears to me that it may be much more important for the other to be the MOH than for you, according to your friend. Discuss this with her and let her know how you feel about it.
Consider that being given this honor could be a great boost for the morale of the other person, if you understand this, letting her have her day (especially if your day will come with high probability) may be a good thing to let happen.....
2007-02-28 09:37:04 · answer #4 · answered by Don't look too close! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has opened the door for you to discuss it with her, since she has told you what she is planning. Speak to her, rather than bottling this up. It may be that she thinks this other girl just needs the boost that your friend is giving her. Your friend may think that you would be understanding. My best friend chose someone else as her maid of honour, for this reason. The other person needed the boost and responsibility and I understood that my friend could count on me not to be offended. Unless, of course this girl is taking your friend for a ride and using her.
2007-02-28 09:48:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to understand that she is thinking with her head not her heart .You need to put away your proud for now and be her friend.It's imposable to make everyone happy and planning a wedding is so hard and feelings are going to get hurt.She is doing the best she can so help her and be a good sport and don't say anything to anyone .
2007-02-28 17:30:34 · answer #6 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although I totally understand where you're coming from.....you just have to keep in mind that it is her big day and it's her choice who is her maid of honor. But show your true loyalty and friendship by supporting her no matter who she chooses. Be the bigger person.
Good Luck
2007-02-28 10:58:20 · answer #7 · answered by Justyn's Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur right this is ur friends special day and she has made her decision so u should stick behind her in what ever she wants i know this could hurt ur feeling why shouldn't it but just put on a smile maby she wants still wants u in the wedding and if it is a mistake its one she made and not u but if u let her know how u feel then it could cause hard feeling and u really don't want to miss the most important day in her life
2007-02-28 10:41:33 · answer #8 · answered by mandy d 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the bottom line is. it is her choice not yours so let her choose who she wants to brides maid , maid of honor .it is all good as long as you are there.What do you really care? As long as she is happy and you are there to see it .Maybe she thought the other person needs to know how much she means to her. I hope you already know. people do things for all kinds of reason just roll with things do not get bugged out injoy have fun
2007-02-28 10:09:43 · answer #9 · answered by wingsofgoldglitter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
doesnt sound like shes feeling guilty bout not asking you. let her get on with it you`ll come out the better person honest. your day will come when you`ll be choosing who to wear the bridesmaids dress, show her what a good friend you really are n just scream into your pillow when you get home. buy her an extra special presant and just enjoy the day.xx
2007-02-28 10:03:43 · answer #10 · answered by penbo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋