what makes a woman stay with a man who abuses her their children?

Question

i just read jenny tomlin book behind close doors and the young woman has a terrible start in life and is abused by her dad even while her mum watches, it made me feel sick, what makes a woman stick with a man who is so abusive

Answer 1

my mom did she wouls say i cannot divorce hime we are catholic,but its okay for him to rape me with a knife in hand break my wrirst and mom is watchicng cuz if she tried to help he would kill her, i wish he did

Answer 2

There are actually many reasons, but a few really commone ones such as:
• Fear: The women is scared that if she tries to leave, the abuser will hurt her/her family. OR sometimes the abuser threatens to kill himself if she leaves "I'll die without yoU! You can't go or I WILL die!!!" And the women doesn't want that.
• Women have this feeling that they can change people. And when they're in an abusive relationship, sometimes they figure "Oh, it's ok. If I stay with him a little longer, he'll cahnge. I can get him out of this habit. It'll be alright" So women stay in the relationships to "change" the abuser.
• Compassion: Women are generally very caring, compassionate people. And when they see someone, like this abuser, who obviously needs help, they want to help them. They'll stay in a relationship to help the man.
• They think they deserve it. Many abusers tell women they're not worthy of a good guy, they're scum, they don't deserve to be happy. Women are really suseptible to be fooled, and they think "Maybe he's right... and he's the best guy I'll ever get" Which then makes them scared to leave, cause they don't want to end up alone for the rest of their life.
• They refuse to acknowledge its REAL. They think "Oh, he really is a nice guy. He just got a little upset. It's ok" And they'll stay with the guy, thinking it was a "one time thing" that happens often.
• They think it's their fault. They think "Oh, he's really not a bad guy. I just pushed his buttons. I crossed the line. It's my fault he hit me. I need to change." And so the woman in the relationship will cahnge for the abuser, because she thinks it's her fault that he hurt her.

Those are just some of the reasons that women (and even men, women aren't the only victims) stay in abusive relationships.

Answer 3

being a victim of abuse, can leave a woman feeling weak. unable to take the necessary steps to get out and take action to make thier lives better.

It goes on all of the time. we see/hear of abuse victims dying, after suffering through years of abuse. It seems the longer it goes on, the less chance that they will find the strengh to walk away.

Sometimes, probably a child, may bring on a new, burst of energy, knowing that they can not allow their child to suffer as they themselves have done. They might then try to get help. Depending on the degree of fear they have of the abusive partner. Sometimes they dont see where it will ever be possible, to be free of their abuse. Then it can turn, to the process of elimination.

It really is sad. When abuse can weaken the will of an adult, what must it be doing to the development of an inocent child.

What can we do to change this?

Answer 4

I personally don't think its always fear.

My father was abusive to my mother and i guess she thought he was going to change which is why she stuck around for longer than she should of, she did leave him eventually and took us kids with her.

Seriously, she could have killed him quite easily, and i think lots of women could do the same thing. But eg, alcoholics will often promise to change etc and i guess love blinds and the need to see your kids grow up with a father takes over and you think thats best.

Abuse and anger like that is generally drug or alcohol based and when someone is an alcoholic they are totally different to how they are when they're sober. My dad is nice as pie when he's sober and i guess that is what my mother was clinging onto.

My father was not abusive physically to us kids, if he was, my mum would have kicked his a**. I think mothers who dont take their kids out of that sort of situation (kids being abused) are plain stupid, fear or whatever else, is never an excuse.

Answer 5

the woman maybe frightened but also maybe she has been married or has been with this man for so long that she may feel that she is dependant on him. it is a similar situation to women that are abused themselves. although they do not realise, they choose not to speak against them because they are accustomed to becoming the less dominant person and are use to the constant part of their life where they are being controlled so they feel they have no choice but to stay.

Answer 6

Fear does a lot of things to a person. Many women stay with abusive husbands because they are afraid to live with out them! Who will love them? Who will provide for them? Who will protect them? (as odd as that one is). Some women honestly dont think they can do any better. The sad part to me is that they are in danger everyday and they put their kids in danger.

Answer 7

terror lack of self esteem feeling that is all they deserve where to go if they do leave not enough safe house/refuges how they are going to survive financially often when a woman leaves a man does leave a man like that she literally has the clothes what are on hers and her childrens back

Answer 8

THE MOTHER SECRETE LY ENJOYED WATCHING HER DAUGHTER GET ABUSED, AND WILL USE FEAR AS AN EXCUSE,IF SHE WAS A LOVING MOTHER SHE WOULD HAVE PUT HER CHILD'S SAFETY BEFORE HOW SHE WAS FEELING,WHAT STOPPED HER FROM PHONING THE POLICE OR TELLING SOMEONE - NOT A DAMM THING BUT SHE STOOD AND WATCHED HER HUSBAND ABUSE HER OWN CHILD - SHE ENJOYED IT-FEAR IS JUST AN EXCUSE FOR HER SICK TWISTED WAYS!

Answer 9

Many women who allow their partners to abuse them, have really poor self concepts. Some women don`t have anywhere else to go, or they have have no financial means to leave. I think they feel trapped and scared. I find it hard to imagine a women staying because she wants to.

Answer 10

fearof the bully, and control the man has over her,will have warn her down to a numb shell of a person, that has no strength left in her

Answer 11

Probably fear he tracks her down, or makes he stay or something... people like that need a good kicking down the stairs when their back is turned...