how can i ever get over the pain,the tears and embarrassment ...?i feel so used?

Question

12 days ago i broke up with my boyfriend of over 15 months, i found out he had been cheating with another girl (he denied it though), as i was trying to wake up from that nightmare another 1 hit me even harder. He had a wife all along! while we'r still having a bad time over this girlfriend of his, he told me he was going on a business trip which he does regularly, i thought i'd return 1 of his several calls though i was still angry only to find out that he wasnt taking calls, i was getting kind of worried about him as i still loved him. After several trials, lo and behold my calls was returned by a woman who introduced her as his wife! i asked her to put him on the line and she did.on the other hand his other girl keeps calling me to leave her boyfriend alone as they are getting married soon,i guess she's still in d dark about his wife.He came back with stories but i didnt listen.how do i get over the pain that came with the deception,now i have to pay for d loans i took for his sake

Answer 1

Emotionally you will go through a lot of pain and eventually that will lessen. The hardest part is going to be what this does to you mentally with regard to trusting other men in the future. And really that is what I worry about for you most.
Do not take this deceptive man and bring him along in your mind to where he can ruin any future relationships for you because of your pain and distrust. Don't let him hurt you again and again by his horrible actions. Heal yourself but try to move on fresh so you can have a healthy life. For now surround yourself with friends and people who care about you. Realize you were fooled, but he was in the wrong. You may want to see about legal actions for the loans, but I don't really know if there is anything you can do there.

Do become wiser and learn to recognize any warning signs you may have missed. Your boyfriend and you had been together for 15 months. Was there any behavoir there that you thought odd or ignored. It seems it would be difficult to have a wife full time and a girlfriend without some kind of weirdness showing. As for the other girl, you may want to tell her that he is married when she calls, and tell her you stopped seeing him.

I am very sorry this has happened to you. All men are not like this. Don't let him hurt you forever.

Answer 2

Wow, looks like you've been through a really tough time.
You have to find put whether or not you really love this guy. If you find that you do, you should probably see a therapist or join a group, because the jerk doesn't deserve to be loved, and you don't deserve to have fallen victim to him.
Please, for your own sake, don't answer his calls or call him, even if he says he's sorry, or that he loves you, or that he won't ever do it again. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
You should probably have a talk with this other girlfriend of his. Tell her about the wife, even if she won't believe you. No girl deserves to be treated the way you've been, no matter how bad she is. Speak to the wife, as she's been cheated on too.
You might want to join a group, as I mentioned before. There, you'll have a chance to speak out and receive encouragement and support.
Good luck, and try not to date any more jerks. =)

Answer 3

He will probably also be paying big time. His wife is probably going to divorce him and take everything that they own. His other girlfriend should also be given the wifes home phone number the next time she calls you. He has been having his cake and eating it too for a long time. One question for you, why did you take out loans for him? That should have told you a long time ago that he was using you. You may be able to go to small claims court and get back some of what you loaned, if his wife leaves him with anything but the clothes on his back. You need to realize what a heel this guy is and put it down as a big lesson learned. Take time for yourself and get back on your feet emotionally.

Answer 4

This is most unfortunate. First is to check with the marriage bureau if what the woman said is true that she's his wife. Don't jump to conclusion unless you've got it confirmed. As for the girlfriend, leave her alone for the time being and don't bother if eventually she finds things the hard way. Like you, whether in the dark or not on his marriage, let her sort it out herself. You have enough trouble on your own. Next, speak with the bank if you can restrucure the loan you took; transfer to his name or something. However, you need to be strong and be prepared to move on with your life without him. Don't feel sorry for yourself becos life is such. Enjoy doing what you like most, get yourself a job and keep yourself busy. Time flies thus your pain will eases as each day passes.

Answer 5

This guy is a super moron. My advice would be for you to go deep in your pain at first. Cry all that you want, think about all the bad things he did to you and how much he hurt you. Then, try to keep yourselvess busy-reading, going out, taking new classes, meeting new people,.... I know it´s hard, but you have to push yourselve to do it. It might take you a while, but later on you will be thankfull for seing what a good for nothing he was before you got married. You will feel sorry for his wife. I went through something similar and the guy started to date a coworker of mine. It hurt like hell because I saw both of them every single day. Even though they broke up and I was tempted, I never gave him the chance of coming back. Nowadays, I realize this girl did me a big favor. Pigs don´t know how to handle jewelry.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry to hear this! I can't even imagine how you must be feeling now. One thing I would do is not call him again. Don't let him have the satisfaction of talking to you. He just wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Maybe take a mini-vacation just for yourself. Go somewhere warm and get a spa treatment. If you have the capabilites of moving, you could move away from him too. This is so unfortunate because now he has broken your trust for future relationships too. This pain isn't going to go away right away. Have time for yourself and make yourself feel good. You've been treated badly for so long, so by taking care of yourself, you may start to feel a little better. If you have close girlfriends, spend time with them.

Answer 7

Don't be a victim in this case.
Go after his wife and tell her what has been happening with you and her husband.
Let her know that her HUSBAND has been going
around claiming himself as "SINGLE" and hooking up with
girls. If she believes you than you just saved a poor
woman, if she doesn't believe you, than let her be.
Tell it to the WORLD!! Man like him should not be able to
walk around in the day light!!

Answer 8

It hurts and he is wrong for doing what he is doing. If the girlfriend cals you again let her know that he is married as well and to aks him about his wife. Payback. WIth the money you could ask him (or his wife) for it or consider it a mistake that is paid for and wont happen again. Good luck.

Answer 9

Aw that sounds terrible. I'm sorry you had to go through this. There is no real way to get over a heartache. It really just takes time. Time to cry (or express your feelings however you do it), time to heal, time to get over it, and time to move on. You're definitely better off.

Answer 10

You need to let go. Stop thinking about him. Focus on the rest of your life. Go out, exercise, shop. You will find someone who is not a pathetic, lying loser like this guy.