i had a very bad day today and i would like someone to cheer me up
can someone make me laugh with a joke or something?
thanks :]
2007-02-28 08:36:32 · 10 answers · asked by heyy sherry 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Mommy, Mommy! Why is Daddy zigzagging in the yard?
Shut up and shoot again!
Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to visit grandma!
Shut up and keep digging.
Mommy, Mommy! Can I lick the bowl?
Shut up and flush
Mommy, Mommy! It's cold and dark and damp down here.
Shut up or I'll flush it again.
Mommy, Mommy! I'm sick of learning how to swim!
Shut up or I'll flush it again
Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's Guts!
Shut up and eat what's on your plate.
Mommy, Mommy! I don't want to go to China
Shut up and keep digging.
or
Shut up and keep swimming.
Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire!
Shut up and get the marshmallows.
Mommy, Mommy! What's an Oedipus complex?
Shut up and kiss me!
Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale?
Shut up and keep digging.
Mommy, Mommy! Why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Shut up or you'll wake your father.
Mommy, Mommy! Why can't I play with the other kids?
Shut up and deal.
Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up and get away from the dart board!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma has a bruise
Shut up and eat around it
Mommy, Mommy! Quick, get me a spoon.
Why?
Sister's puking and brother's getting all the big pieces!
2007-02-28 08:49:12 · answer #1 · answered by a_word_of_praise 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cure My Headaches
"Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.
The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one heck of a headache.
The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time
In 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different
person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... A new
suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... Size 44
long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly.
A s Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a
new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?
" Been in the business 60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How
about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... Size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years
old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell of a headache!
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
2007-02-28 16:49:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This only works if you've seen Mary Poppins:
Ghandi had a very bad diet, he didn't eat too much. This left him weak, and with bad breath. He also made his own clothes, and often didn't wear shoes, so he had very calloused feet. So he was . . . . .
a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Note: If you haven't seen the movie Mary Poppins, or the play, you won't get the joke.
2007-02-28 16:47:59 · answer #3 · answered by the sarcastic one 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You might be a Redneck if you think the battle of the bulge is an argument between your wife and mother-in-law.
2007-02-28 16:53:55 · answer #4 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what do you call an Ethiopian with poppy seeds on his head? -a quarter pounder / what do you call an Ethiopian with a nickel on his head? -a nail / what has 8 legs and weighs 20 pounds? -an Ethiopian family of 4
2007-02-28 18:47:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try http://JokeDiary.com they have good jokes and a new joke will be updated daily.
2007-03-02 20:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by Fein T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oo<<<<<<<
Size Does Matter
2007-02-28 16:51:30 · answer #7 · answered by shelby e 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok , ummmmmmmmm soooooooooooooo ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm okkkkkkkkkk sooooooooooooooooooooooo ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm how about that weather
2007-02-28 16:47:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I CAN...
2007-02-28 17:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dunno, it depends if you're ticklish.
2007-02-28 17:14:31 · answer #10 · answered by odella 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋