i have a bf who i have been with for 3 years. i live with him and he is very reliable. there is a bit of problem in the bedroom department. he never wants it and i do!
i met a friends cousin a few years back and there was some chemistry between us but i made sure nothing happened as i was with the bf. i still keep in touch with this guy and we send flirty messages to each other and have met up on a couple of occasions. i have cheated the once on the bf with this guy. i am getting the urge to continue with this guy as its what i enjoy doing and it seems dangerous, he knows how i feel. i have laid my feelings out right. what do i do?!?!
do i stick with the bf and wonder what if
do i take a chance secretly
or do i dump the bf to see what happens
i have tried talking to this guy bout it and sometimes i get straight anwers . he likes playing his own games but i cant understand whther he is using me or wants me! help!!!!
2007-02-28 08:31:13 · 18 answers · asked by sam_glos 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are being fair to no one here, including yourself. My advice is to leave your 'reliable' man and let him find someone who will be more grateful for his good qualities and also stop using the other guy in this way as it is preventing you from moving on: he doesn't want you for anything more than casual sex and it sounds to me like you are looking for more than that.
Cut yourself loose from all of it and go out and find what you really want!
2007-02-28 08:43:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is an interesting question because most women feel used and abused for the exact opposite reasons. You have to think about what exactly he might be using you for, as well as why he doesn't seem interested in being intimate with you. Is it possible he has mental or physical problems that cause him to avoid it?
No one can tell you exactly what to do because only you know what you really want, but I think most people would agree that you shouldn't cheat on your boyfriend any more. If you want to pursue a relationship with your friend's cousin, first end things with your boyfriend. If you don't want to end things with your boyfriend, you should probably cut off the other guy and try to work things out with your bf. Best of luck.
2007-02-28 08:39:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a sex-less relationship for SIX years and in the end, I had to leave although i did love him. Was the hardest decision ever, but at the end of the day, sex is a big part of a relationship and i just couldn't handle it anymore - i was going crazy. You have to ask yourself this - do you love him enough to stay with him and have no sex life, or in five years time will you be going out of your mind? It's a natural thing, and should happen in a relationship but if it doesn't then that's a big sign that something is wrong. As far as the other guy is concerned - don't leave your boyfriend for him - don't let him be the main reason as if he doesn't turn out how you want him to turn out, you're gonna be left in a mess. It's a difficult situation, but i just couldn't live like that any longer and i left him. I remember reading that denying you sex is actually a form of domestic mental abuse. Good luck whatever you decide to do though x
2007-02-28 08:48:38 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy! The things we go through! You were not totally clear about the bf and how often he wants to have sex. But in my opinion, if he is only having sex with you occasionally, that sends warning flags to me. This is not fair to you, healthy people want to have sex frequently, especially if the relationship is a good one.
But you are not being fair to him either. Two wrongs do not make a right. You cannot cheat on your bf no matter what is going on at home. You have invested 3 years with this man, maybe it is time to ask for a separation, to "clear your head" and see if you want to continue the relationship with him.
You do not "dump" the present bf, to "see what happens". It sounds to me like both you and your boyfriend are just living together because it is familiar, and not because you are really in a committed relatioship. Life is too short, move on, regardless of the new person. And be sure to let the new person know you are not ending the relationship for him, but for yourself. Don't be surprised if the new person "disappears" from your life after you leave your bf.
Would you really want to commit your feelings to a person who left their significant other for you after cheating? Once a cheater, always a cheater, that is the saying. Don't be one, and don't plan to build a life with one. I speak from personal experience. Everyone thinks their situation is "diferent" Not so!
2007-02-28 08:42:49 · answer #4 · answered by romeoshannon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The new guys is most likely using you. You don't want someone who is willing to be with a cheater (which you would be if you went any further with him.) You are walking a very thin line with the new guy. If your boyfriend did the behaviors you describe yourself doing, would it make you feel angry? Betrayed? Cheated on? Use that as a guideline to know how far you are going. As for the boyfriend, he needs to communicate with you. What are his reasons for his lack of sexual interest? Is it a moral issue? Something else? If he refuses to communicate, it is time for you to move on alone... (not with the new guy!). Hopefully you and the boyfriend can talk this over. Do not do anything secretly by the way.
2007-02-28 08:38:37 · answer #5 · answered by mizzofficer2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off cheating is never right. You should talk to your bf about the issues you have with the relationship. If nothing changes you should probably end it. You shouldn't use this other guy as a reason for leaving. If he won't give you a straight answer then he's not looking for a real relationship.
2007-02-28 08:46:40 · answer #6 · answered by tjmoore83102 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not happy with your boyfriend, and you shouldn't wait until you have secured another one before moving on. Have an honest straightforward discussion with your boyfriend b/c he deserves the respect. If you decide to break up with him, I'd suggest that you give yourself time before falling into a rebound relationship. The other guy sounds like a player, so I'd avoid him despite the 'history'. Be a big girl and take a risk for your own happiness. You'll survive as a single girl. Have faith that things will work out the way they are suppose to.
2007-02-28 08:39:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you definitely need to end the relationship you are in as you are not faithful to him and do not enjoy him in the bedroom...seems you don't respect him or love him or you could not cheat on him...so let him go so he can find someone who really loves him.
on the other guy thing, after you break it off with your current bf you are free to do what you want with this other person...but does he want you on a full time basis or just the excitement of what you are currently doing? only he can answer that question...if you care for him enough then try it and see what happens...it will either work or it won't
either way, you need to let go of your current bf because what you are doing is definitely not fair to him
be cool...
2007-02-28 08:45:27 · answer #8 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sexual incompatibility can be a deal breaker, in my opinion. I suggest you take to your bf about this. If things cannot be worked on, it may be time for you to leave and find someone who will fulfill that need for you. However, do not dump yoru bf for this friend's cousin. If you break up it should be about the relationship with your bf, not this possible other relationship. Its not fair to anyone. Good luck!
2007-02-28 08:35:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump the boyfriend! You said you cant understand wither he is using you or he wants you girlfriend you answered that allready when you said sometimes I get straight answers he likes playing games with me then hello if you know hes playing games he is using you. A true boy friend treats you like gold he wouldnt play games for you and he would be with you he would do anything for you and you dont deserve a boyfriend who treats you any less because you are worth it!
2007-02-28 08:41:12 · answer #10 · answered by Sweetie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋