I am trying to learn to trust my boyfriend again but he says I ask too many questions?

Question

In the past, my boyfriend has done some things to make me not trust him (long story and odd circumstances with now ex-wife... they were trying to work things out for their child so i understood); however, Now he is tired of me questioning him all the time ( I don't think i do .. but he does.) I guess my question is this...... I feel like there is a period of gaining trust back and that your partner should understand and try to help you through this as trust is earned once broken. Or... do you think he is right by saying that i should "get over it" and stop asking so many questions.

Answer 1

Of COURSE there is a period of regaining trust after trust is broken--a LONG period. There is a reason he wants you to "get over it". He's 1. Not sorry and doesn't see any reason why he should suffer at all and 2. He plans on or is currently breaking trust again.

I know I'm talking to deaf ears, but someone like this can't be trusted. If he were TRULY sorry, he'd be moving heaven and earth to make it up to you. But, of course, you will buy his story because you want to. And you'll buy it again and forgive him again next time. It's a viscous cycle.

Answer 2

Oh boy, trust is such a hard thing to gain back once it's been broken. If he did something wrong, which it sounds like he did, then he should have no problem with you asking questions because you have every right to be suspicious since he did you wrong. If he didn't do anything wrong, and you were to have trust issues from a previous relationship, then he can have a point about asking too many questions if he didn't do anything wrong.

I think that there is a period when your partner should understand that you have suffered a huge loss of trust and he should be doing everything in his power to gain it back, not getting frustrated about you asking questions. You could tell him something like, "I'm sorry that I may ask a lot of questions about what you do lately, but I just don't want to lose you. It really hurt me when you (insert offense here) and a lot of my trust was broken. Please understand that I need to be able to trust you again and I hope that you will understand why I am asking so many questions". Then open up the conversation to him. Let him tell you what questions are bothering him and what you two can do to repair the trust.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I think you should trust your instincts. You already know the answer to this question. You are just hoping someone can convince you otherwise because you don't want to face the truth. We've all been there. It's what keeps us tied to these guys for way too long when we know deep inside ourselves that they are lying to us and keeping things from us.
Don't you want a relationship in which you feel loved and secure and are not worried or distrustful all the time? Of course you do. So make the hard choice now and get rid of this liar. It's the only way you will be able to find the relationship you really want and deserve. It's a difficult time now for a chance at real happiness later. Or you can stay with him and be miserable and suspicious and listen to him tell you that it's all in your head until you start to believe that you are crazy. Your choice.
I know that someday you will be so happy you got rid of this jerk. Deep down, you know it too.
All the best.

Answer 4

You are definitely right, trust is not a right its a privilege, your boyfriend lost your trust and he needs to gain it back. Tell him this! You have ever right to ask questions, why should he have a problem with the questions if he isn't hiding anything? If he threatens to break up or anything like that cause your asking questions I would try to talk it out, but if he keeps having issues I would recommend breaking up and getting a guy that you can trust.

Answer 5

It's hard when you become involved with a man that has an ex-wife first of all.Second if your willing to stay with him then you should find away to trust him,until he gives you a reason not to.If he tells you something once after you asked him let it go.Men don't like it when woman constantly ask them things over and over specially if it's the same subject.They get tired and start saying whatever they think will get you to stop asking about it.You don't want that because if you expect him to tell you the truth about things,then stop asking him so many questions.

Answer 6

Trust is earned. If he wants your trust, he will need to put up with your questions for the time being. You should give yourself a reasonable amount of time to try and trust him again (say... 1/2 year). It if isn't back by then, get rid of him. No use wasting time on someone you can't trust.

Answer 7

no you are doing right! I went thru the samething. The other person should want to help you earn there trust. That means me calling you at anytime asking you what the heck you doing. If you don't like it, oh well. If that person really wants to WIN your trust then it should not matter what he as to do. What the big deal in answer a few questions anyways. We do it on here all day :)

Answer 8

Problem with this post is...not all the facts were given out.
First of all, the situation was bad from the start. We both started this and we were both married. the we both left our others. I however, did **** up and at the fear of losing my son went back because i have lost 2 other kids and did not think i could go through that again..and yes this was about 15 mos ago....
Now I have no problems with questions being asked...I have problems with questions being asked..then i answer and then I get told my answer was wrong and this is what i was really saying..also get tired of the same question over and over again..
Or getting questions regarding something that just does not make sense...
for example, i play a game called Vanguard and you group with other players to do quest...etc...

now when i told her i was playing in a group doing a quest first thing i was asked was...was there any chicks in the group and what did you talk about..

ok it is a game...nothing more..and i said i was not paying attention to what character genders was in group was in the middle of fighting..well she called me a liar and started saying i was etc...
now that is what i have issues with..it is going overboard to me...
also...
now i understand the trust thing..however, i do not feel like i should have to keep a recorder with me at all times to document what i do always...

also..another note..when i went back..she is not entirely innocent..she did do somethings with her ex also..

anyways..wanted the other side of story in this...not that it will matter..

and even i may have missed somemore facts in this reply....
bottom line is neither of us our innocent..

Answer 9

If he has a problem with you asking questions because he caused you to distrust him, then there may be something that he is still hiding. There is a reason why you are still asking questions, I think that it is because something is still not quite right to you . Go with your gut instinct and ask all of the questions that you need and tell him that he violated your trust and that you want to trust him again, so you expect him to answer your questions if he wants to gain your trust again. If he doesn't agree to that then he is not trying hard enough to gain your trust and possibly still hiding something. Good luck, follow your great instincts.

Answer 10

If your "significant other" is so uncomfortable with your questions that he doesn't want you asking them, that's the way he is going to be from now on. If the two of you marry, do you honestly think he is going to undergo a character transplant, magically? I wonder exactly what he told you was the reason why his previous marriage didn't work.
Assuming that you are planning for this relationship to eventually turn into a permanent partnership (i.e. marriage) I think it's very much your business to know as much as possible about what happened with that first marriage. His refusal to satisfy your questions makes me wonder what it is he's afraid of. If you can't have confidence and trust between the two of you, what sort of foundation are you ever going to have to build a life together on?