Ok long story short I was engaged to this guy and we were happy ( me him and my daughter from my ex-husband) He claimed he wanted a family and treated my daughter like she was his own. Then I got pregnant (not planned) I didnt want anymore kids because I have high risk pregnancies. And at first he was happy. Literly on the same day he went from talking about which friend would be his best man and should we put the crib there? Then he came home from work and said that he changed his mind he didnt want this baby and he didnt want to be with just one person. Now my daughter and I are not in the house anymore andI'm trying to find a place to live ect... but he calls me everyday just to see what I'm doing and how is my daughter and so forth whats going on? Did he just get scared or whats the deal? He wants to talk to my daughter He sais he'll be there for his baby and so forth but I still love him and my heart and head are confused. what do you think?
2007-02-28 06:16:35 · 3 answers · asked by cee_jae22 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
If he had stopped caring, he wouldn't be calling you to find out how you are... he cares but just needs some time to catch his breath... it has happened all too fast for him and he got spooked. I'm sure it must be terribly difficult for you at the moment but try to keep a friendly contact going with him... hopefully in time, when he's not so pressured, things will work out for you both.
2007-02-28 08:09:34 · answer #1 · answered by no_fool 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's called cold feet. Things just started happening a bit too fast for him, and he got a little scared, that's all. Hopefully, he will come around, and fully commit to you, and your two children---but it may take some time, and fully exploring his options (maybe even other gals), and the consequences of his choices.
Guys by their very nature are more promiscuous, and resist commitment & fidelity more so that women. It has to do with reproductive stratigies and Sociobiology, etc. etc.. To put is simply, men have lots of extra sperm they can cast far & wide, with hopes that someday, somewhere their seed will take, and pass on their genes to another generation--with the least amount of effort & resources expended on their part.
Meanwhile, women need to make sure that whoever they match up their 600 or so eggs they can make available in a lifetime, the "donor" will still be around 9 months down the line to assist, when she and her offspring are at their most vernable & needy. Thus, she is hard-wired to shop efficently, and keep the home an inviting place to return to, so she need not share the available resources with another family HE is obligated to nurture also. Keep in mind, all of these things take place on a subconscious level, while we are distracted by more immediate concerns, and the other attractions the world has to offer.
In other words, in economic terms, sperm is cheap, and eggs are expensive. I know this is kind of deep, and does not account for the relatively new phenomina of birth control, and there are MANY more factors that play into all of this, but these issues are deep-rooted, and not easily overcome. Eventually, most men begin to yearn for the predictibility, comfort, warmth and stability of a single family setting, and all the perks that come with it--such as being a daily part of the upbringing & shaping of your own offsprings' lives, and the intimacy that is found nowhere else. But there is still a part of them that want to go off and make new conquests, as long as they think they are still able to. It has to do with ego.
So how just do you deal with all this philosophical stuff, to make YOUR life work, and get the needs of you and your little ones met? (By the way, I commend you for going ahead with the pregnancy--even though you are high risk, and your man is currently being fickle!) Keep in mind that relationships die long before the affair actually happens; when the two parties are no longer " there" for each other emotionally. Also, due to his belief that what he needs is variety, keep your love-life fresh & exciting, coming up with new ideas that appeal to you both, so you do not fall into a dull, boring routine, where sex just becomes something you just have to take care of, as a duty--or worse, like relieving your bowels or bladder.
I know this is alot to chew on, and may seem somewhat bizarre, and hard to accept, but I hope it helps you to understand a little bit better what is going on, and how best to deal with. Hang in there, and I hope & pray he will do the right thing, and take care of his family, and not get scared away, as life shows up with it's responsibilities. It sounds like you DO have a good man there, who just needs to work through a few things, until he realizes that you are God's gift & plan for him.
Good Luck!
2007-02-28 15:49:01 · answer #2 · answered by Howie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look..he is a loser..with a capital "L"..
he paniced, should he get a second chance..I don't know..But I'm sure he hurt you with all this...I would dump him to the curb...Whent the child comes..take him to court and make him pay...Let him in to the child life if he wants, but you should never be with some one like that..you deserve better..much better and your doughter should not have some on like that in her life eihter..
Get his doe, but let him go....
2007-02-28 14:26:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋