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Jews believe people MUST be buried IMMEDIATELY. There's no open coffin. There's no "viewing".

Judaism provides a beautiful, structured approach to mourning that involves three stages. When followed carefully, these stages guide mourners through the tragic loss and pain and gradually ease them back into the world. One mourner said her journey through the stages of mourning was like being in a cocoon. At first she felt numb and not perceptively alive, yet gradually she emerged as a butterfly ready again to fly.

The loss is forever, but the psychological, emotional, and spiritual healing that takes place at every stage is necessary and healthy.

This article will examine the following topics:
Stage one: shiva
Sitting shiva
Arranging the shiva house
After the cemetery
Timing of shiva
Paying a shiva call
Prayer services
Leaving a shiva house
The three day "shiva"
Getting up from shiva
Stage two: shloshim
Stage three: the one-year period
Annual remembrances: yizkor
Yartzeit
Unveiling of tombstone
Visiting the cemetery
Grief and bereavement
* * *
STAGE ONE: SHIVA

After the burial, the immediate mourners return to a home called the "shiva house," to begin a seven?day period of intense mourning. Shiva is from the word sheva, which means seven. This week is called "sitting shiva," and is an emotionally and spiritually healing time where the mourners sit low, dwell together, and friends and loved ones come to comfort them with short visits referred to as "shiva calls."

A person sits shiva after having lost a parent, spouse, sibling, or child. All other loved ones are also mourned, but the observances of shiva do not apply.

Ideally all of the direct mourners sit shiva in the house of the deceased, for it says, "Where a person lived, there does his spirit continue to dwell." Thus the presence of the person who has passed away is strongest in his own home. But one may sit shiva in any home. Particularly, a home of one of the direct mourners will be filled with the spirit of the loved one who is now gone. Memories will come easily there, and part of the comfort of the week of shiva is sharing such memories.

It is best for mourners to move into the shiva house together for the week. If this is not possible, designate one home as the shiva house, and those who cannot sleep there may leave after dark to go home, and return to the shiva house early in the morning.


To be seen in public would force one to put on a "public face" which is inappropriate during this time.

Mourners should ideally not leave the shiva house at any time. Others must take care of any errands or outside commitments for them. To be seen during the day in public would force one to put on a "public face" which is inappropriate during this time. When family, friends and neighbors help out during the week and provide for the needs of the mourners, an atmosphere of love, caring and kindness is created. This helps to soften the pain that the mourner so deeply feels.

With some exceptions, a mourner refrains from going to work during the week of shiva. Consult your rabbi if pressing financial matters are at hand. Again, shiva is a deeply personal time of reflection, coming to terms with loss and grief, and contemplating the inner spiritual dimensions of life. The workplace draws our thoughts and feelings outward, thus if at all possible, should be avoided.
* * *
SITTING SHIVA

From the time of death until the conclusion of the funeral, the primary focus and concern is on the care of the deceased and the burial preparations. The care for the departed before burial, the eulogy, the actual burial -- all are done to honor the one who has died, and not to comfort the mourners. (hyperlink to Lamm article - the Jewish Way of Death)

However, once shiva begins, the focus shifts to the mourners. The mourners experience a week of intense grief, and the community is there to love and comfort and provide for their needs. This is a critical point, for if one must feel the heart-wrenching pain of grief and loss, it should be done at a time when all those around are there to help and comfort.

People are confused as to how to sit shiva and how to properly pay a shiva call. Because people do not know, and because talking about death makes people nervous and awkward, the shiva house often turns into a festive gathering filled with nervous chatter, instead of the proper house of mourning.

The laws of mourning have the purpose of focusing a person on their own spirituality. We experience an overall feeling of physical discomfort as we totally focus on the soul of the one who has departed. We de-emphasize our own physicality by not pampering our bodies, so we remember that what we are missing at this time is not the physical person who is gone, but the essence of who that person was, which of course is their soul.

The overall focus throughout the week is: I am a soul, my loved one is a soul.
* * *
ARRANGING THE SHIVA HOUSE
The physical set-up of the shiva house includes the following:

MEMORIAL CANDLE -- A person's soul is compared to a flame, since each person brings light into the world. And just as one can take from a flame to light more candles without diminishing the original flame, so too a person can give of him/herself, touching many lives, without ever being diminished.

The wick and the flame are also compared to the body and soul, and the strong bond between them. And just as a soul always strives upward for what is good and right, so too a flame burns toward the heavens.

Thus a memorial candle is lit in the shiva house and remains burning publicly 24 hours per day throughout the entire week. When you look at the candle, remember that your loved one's soul is eternal. This thought can help bring light into the darkness in which you are now immersed.

CHAIRS -- The people sitting shiva are required to sit low as a sign of mourning. Funeral homes often provide chairs with shortened legs for this purpose. One can also remove the cushions of a couch or chair and use that. Some have the custom of actually sitting on the floor. This is a physical symbol of the loneliness and depression that a mourner feels.

Regular chairs should be placed in front of the mourner, so visitors paying a shiva call can sit close and provide emotional comfort. (see "Paying a Shiva Call" below). (hyperlink to anchor below)

MIRRORS -- It is proper to cover the mirrors (with sheets, or fogged spray provided by the funeral home) in the shiva house for the following reasons:

During shiva, a mourner is striving to ignore his/her own physicality and vanity in order to concentrate on the reality of being a soul.

A mirror represents social acceptance through the enhancement of one's appearance. Jewish mourning is supposed to be lonely, silent; dwelling on one's personal loss. Covering the mirrors symbolizes this withdrawal from society's gaze.

Prayer services, commonly held in the shiva house, cannot take place in front of a mirror. When we pray, we focus on God and not on ourselves.

Physical relations between a husband and wife are suspended during the week of shiva, and thus the need for physical beauty is removed.

SHOES -- A mourner should wear either stocking feet or slippers not made of leather. This symbolizes, again, the disregard for vanity and physical comfort.

One who is mourning should also refrain from the following:

Bathing or showering for pleasure (one can do so for cleanliness)

Wearing make-up and anointing (with creams, perfume, etc.)

Getting a haircut (applies for the first 30 days)

Nail trimming

Wearing freshly-laundered garments for pleasure (can be worn for cleanliness)

Wearing new clothes

Washing clothes

Marital relations

2007-03-01 03:03:00 · answer #1 · answered by Furibundus 6 · 0 0

I am not a Jew but I talked to one . He says there is no life after death . You see , that is why Jesus came , because the sinners sinned so much that they couldn't believe there was life after death although their prophets went to Heaven (Ilie was taken in a carrage of fire lead by horses ), and some dead men resurected even from the Old Testament due to this priests and prophets . The saints of the Old Testament are the greatest . They saw God The Father (read Isaiah , Iezechia, Daniel ), but common and sinner people still didn't believe they shall live after death .Only the believers . So Jesus came to show and teach much more ... then the saints did , and made miracles more then the saints of The Old Testament did , in order to lead the people to Heaven .

2007-02-28 06:04:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

jews have a lot of diversity in belief of what we think might happen when we die. it is really up to the individual to decide for themselves what they believe will happen.

2007-02-28 06:28:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

there is just as much speculation about the afterlife as there is in most other religions, but the one thing that is agreed on by all jews is that no one knows what will happen when we die.

2007-02-28 05:58:43 · answer #4 · answered by mommynow 3 · 1 0

I am pretty sure that they admit that they are unsure what happens when we die.

2007-02-28 05:55:56 · answer #5 · answered by exiletheking 2 · 2 0

worm food

2007-02-28 05:54:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

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