Need advice?

Question

hi, I have known my b/f for a year/ but dated 6months now. At first I was skeptical about going out with him since he's 23 and I am 28. well he is sweet/kind/caring but i am finding out now that he doesnt believe in marriage/kids/diamonds =( well I dont know if I should continue seeing him, because I do want a home, marriage, kids and security. Even though he treats me very well. I sometimes dont know where this is going? I do care a lot about him, and we have been taking it very slow, when it comes to 'Love" we both havent said anything to each other yet. Also, we're about 5hrs apart from each other. I feel like my biological clock is ticking and I am at a point that I really want a family, but he is so young and has so much to explore, I cant expect him to give me what I want . If I continue dating him, by the time "IF he is ready for "whatever committment, I will be much older.I dont know what to do, I do feel heartache when I think about it calling it off and go separate ways

Answer 1

You know i understand where you are coming from i am 29, so i feel the clock. I still have no kids as well. So in thinking about your situation, i am thinking that I know you care about him but sometimes we find people who we would love to be with and have a great relationship with, but they are in a different spot in their life, which makes it difficult. I am also thinking that if you do decide to go your separate ways, keep in mind, that it should be because you have decided that it is not the best situation for either one of you. So in loving him that much, you helped him by letting him go, and have all of the memories of his early 20's as you once had. Isn't there a saying," the heart that gives freely is never lonely." remember that. And in a few years, if you find yourself, single, and he is still single, maybe you too will be on the same playing field at that time. and if not, then remember that saying. Also, i have friends that are dating someone like 8 years younger than them or 12 years younger than them, and this can sometimes be very hard because like i said before, they are on a totally different level, where they may want to party still, and you want to stay home and have a glass of wine. so you really have to be understanding that there is nothing wrong with that but that you can't hinder their fun, and try to stop them from enjoying their young life, or it may back fire on you in 2 ways. one is that they may blame you later for not letting them enjoy their life. two, you will be alone at home waiting for them to finish partying, and all you can do is understand at this time and wait a few years.

Answer 2

It seems that you may have to call it off. He is very young, and if he doesn't want the things you want in your future then what is the point of sticking it out? If he cannot provide you with the things that are important to you how can he give you ultimate happiness? He may come around, but like you said, your biological clock is ticking. What if he doesn't? You only live one life (I think), if he doesn't give you kids and marriage you will be resentful. Good luck.

Answer 3

My son is 24 and his girlfriend is 27. I can say one thing. There are very few 23 year old guys that are even close to any type of "maturity"...they actually hit thier peak maturity at around 35 to 40 years old... I would suggest "playing the field". There are too many fish in the sea if you are actually worried about your time clock. If he were an actual "sweetheart" then you could still be "friends" and he should understand. If he doesn't then there is your answer. My husband stays in touch with his "old girlfriends" and some are my friends too. We have mutual trust for eachother and an extremely strong marital relationship. That comes from maturity and experience. Guys that age are still trying to find themselves.

Answer 4

It's hard because on top of everything else, he is also so far away. And long distance relationship already take alot of work to hold together. I stayed with a guy for 3 years hoping he would change and decide to marry me, we have a child together and he is still not grown up and he's 29! Some men don't want to settle down. Now you have to decide if you want to wait and pray or find someone who wants the same things you want. Which is I want I finally did. Personally...I am much happier without him.

Answer 5

If you don't want the same things in life, I don't think it's worth continuing with someone with the hopes that they'll change. You're not getting any younger, so gambling your future on a 23 year old who has no interest in the life you desire seems foolish. Your heart will ache even more when you wake up at age 32 and realize he STILL isn't ready for marriage, kids, diamonds.

Answer 6

You know that he is not ready for marriage. He may be, however, in 3 or 4 years. You surely do not want to marry him before he is ready. As for your biological clock, many many women are having their first child in their mid thirties and beyond, so please do not be concerned about that. My own mom was born when my grandmother was 42. The bigger question is, are you willing to wait for him, and if so, are you sure your relationship will still be secure in another 3 to 4 years?

Answer 7

your question is simlar to what i am going thought and honesty i do not that anwser the world would say leave him and never look back but the world does not know whats in your heart so give it some time it's only been six months. and as far as the kids thing goes maybe he just does not want kids dont leave him for that. it's better that he reconizes he would not be good with them and not have them then to have them and mistreat them. give it another 3years marriage takes times if he doesn't come around by then leave his ***.

Answer 8

he is young, and most guys that age are just starting to experience life. can you imagine if the roles were reversed. what if a man wanted you to have kids at 23? OMG! im 23 and I would die! its only been 6 months it should be pretty easy to call it quits now. you need to find a man who is alot more mature and financially stable, and who is ready to settle down.

Answer 9

He is still young but at least wise enough to know he doesn't or isn't ready to settle down. you should respect him enough to be thankful he is honest with you. If you feel that you biological clock is ticking then you need to move on.

Answer 10

the two of you are at very different points in your life. the best thing you can do is discuss your feelings with him. if he doesn't want the same thing that you do in the near future, then you should move on. that doesn't make either of you a bad person, you just want to take different paths.