Why do couples tend to change one another after being together for a long period of time? Why can't they b happy with the person they first fell in love with?
What makes a person fear the loved one will leave if they do not change if it is real love?
2007-02-28 05:25:23 · 7 answers · asked by castillo5247 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
maybe because they liked that person that they used to be but they love the way they are now because who they have changed into.....
2007-02-28 05:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you can only change yourself, you cannot change others. If the individuals in a relationship change, you are right, it is sometimes because they fear that the other will leave, but sometimes it is because they have been working on the issues about themselves that they need to work on and the change takes place. If the change is done only to please the other, and not as a true change from the inside out, it won't last, or it will build resentments in the person who has become someone they are not. The relationship will ultimately suffer. Changes that last and that are positive should be done from the inside and because the person wants that change to happen.
Also, people change as time goes on and often, a person in a relationship may be a lot different than when they first met the person they are with. Or, what if the person was not really like the person they "seemed" to be when the couple first got together? Then, many factors must be considered to keep the relationship going, if in fact, it should be kept going. Hope this helps.
2007-02-28 05:37:35 · answer #2 · answered by zaytox0724 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is only natural that people start to change in a relationship. It doesn't mean that the two people love each other less or that they are trying to improve on the person. It only means that they are trying to strenghten the relationship. As far as the fear of the person leaving , the unknown is what we are generally afraid of. Its not that we are afraid that the person will leave. It is that we are afraid because we dont know what the reaction will be if change doesnt come about. Most of the time if two people really care for each other, a compromise is usually made where there is a win win situation for both people involved.
2007-02-28 05:36:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People pleasing. It's a natural, human thing. It starts from childhood....... wanting to please our parents, our teachers, to be great, to want to do well.
Often in the beginning of a relationship, while the attraction for the other person is for 'all the right reasons' - as the relationship matures and grows, people grow and change, because people change.
Sometimes, people change FOR the other person - to 'please them' - to make them happy. Usually these people become unhappy themselves, resenting the other person, because they 'changed for the other person' and in essence lost themselves, and lost things about themselves they liked and their partner liked as well.
Abandonment is a huge issue in relationships. Not only because of grief and loss issues, but especially IF a person changed for the other to make them happy it becomes about resentment ......
"Dammit, I changed for you and became XYZ for you, you'd better not leave me after all I sacrificed" type of issue.
Sometimes, is just a simple issue of losing one's self and their partner as a whole, which has become the 'total picture of life' - in their eyes that makes this a fearful thing.
If two people are HEALTHY and MATURE emotionally, they will realize it takes two whole people to build a healthy relationship, not one person looking for their 'other half. ' OPPOSITE OF THE JERRY MAGUIRE MOVIE statement "You complete me" - we cannot rely on people to 'complete us.' It is our responsibility to complete ourselves. Be whole people - so that we HAVE SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE to a relationship and not depend on another person to fill our voids. That is an unfair and unrealistic expecation which eventually becomes a burden and resentment if that person doesn't do this. Thus,putting strain and stress on the relationship.
2007-02-28 05:35:04 · answer #4 · answered by The Answer Monster 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't change a person. They have to want to change because they want to. You only truly love a person when you can accept them for all that they are, good and bad, and if you love them why would you want to change who they are.
2007-02-28 05:46:34 · answer #5 · answered by Jen_n_TX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats not love if they change you you love some1 for there self when u first met them
2007-02-28 05:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by LifesJourney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really isnt real love if they are trying to change you.
2007-02-28 05:29:03 · answer #7 · answered by teddybearbigboy21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋