What is your honest opinion of this poem?

Question

My heart is like the wood after the fire,
It has been completely consumed by love.
A love that runs deeper than any ocean man has ever swam,
A love greater than any star man has laid his eyes upon.
I know I do not deserve this love I have been given.
The countless times I turned from him,
The countless times I have betrayed him,
For my actions became as iron,
As they pierced the very love I was given,
By my own words I have killed him.
And deserved his eternal wrath,
But my tears fall in earnest as my head droops to the floor.
My soul begins to shake when he lovingly said:
“Father forgive them, they know not what they do”

The love he shown is not measurable by any means,
Just a third of comprehension would kill me,
For it is so strong I would just wither away.

“Watch as the father mourns for his children,
He sees the pain they are in,
But knows the path they must choose”

“Hear him wail as his loved ones get beaten down,
But even he allows this,
For he sees the strength they gain in the end,
As the are consumed by his love.”

Again his love is as a fire,
Consuming all in its path.
Watch as it spreads,
See as it overtakes.

For this unconceivable love has founded the world,
The birds, the whales, everything breathing sings to him,
For he is love:
Love without limits,
Love without regret,
Love without reason,
Love without any reason.

For all that is love is him,
And as he is, so are we.

Sincerely,
- The Remnant.

Answer 1

I really do like this poem. It makes a statment about love - that it will never fail and that it will always be there as long as we seek it out and love the one that gives us this wonderful love.

Answer 2

To full of very old cliches for me and the rhythm and meter are awkward and a lot of telling and not showing. With poetry the reader either gets it or they don't. Metaphors and similies are wonderful tools in poetry. Instead of saying "the moon is full tonight" you could say "the old man radiates over mother's sleeping ones" or something to that effect.

Use imagination, imagination, imagination don't just tell it!

Poetry is a picture painted with words you must show the reader what you mean.

A place to go for poetry, good and bad is http://www.allpoetry.com

I've learned quite a bit from some fabulous amateur poets and learned how NOT to write by some awful poets.

Answer 3

Honestly? It doesn't have enough linguistic tricks to work as a non-rhyming poem. The last part is pretty powerful, but the first stanzas read like prose.

The content is good, it's honest and obviously heartfelt, but you need to work on the poem's form. You need to rewrite it, and use rythm or rhyme to accentuate the feeling you're trying to express.

Good poetry isn't a matter of slapping words on some lines. It needs time and dedication. You've got a good start, and your choice of wording is good, but it needs some work on its actual form.

Answer 4

Firstly I will ask a question, did you write this yourself?

Secondly it is an excellent attempt to express how a person feels when confronted by the pure undeserved, unconditional love of Almighty God.

JB

Answer 5

Wow that was so heart touching my heart beat dropped as I read it that poem has so many great details it is very strong.

Answer 6

It's good. And deep. I could feel what you were saying. Keep up the good work.

Answer 7

My honest opinion is that it doesn't belong in R&S.

(I also think it's too long and too weepy. Compare to John Donne's 'Batter My Heart.')

Answer 8

Its too emotionally cramped for a poem for me.

but its interesting. :)

Answer 9

I understand it. It is beautiful!

Answer 10

It's not bad.