When I turn 20 will I be a good mom??

Question

[Please note the sarcasm in my title.]

I’m so sick of people saying that parents under the age of ___ [20, 25, 30, or whatever that age may be] are horrible parents or do not have their lives together. It gets me wondering why people think there’s a certain age that makes people a wonderful parent. Why is it that some people feel that the moment a person does reach that “perfect parenting age” they’ll make a great parent? If you aren’t a good parent when your child is born--regardless of age--then what makes these people think a person magically becomes a good parent at a certain age? I’m sorry I may just be ranting because this is really irritating. I don’t understand how a bad parent can turn into a great parent [without any help or change] in just a matter of two years. Can some one explain or are these people just ignorant? Do you think parenting is a matter of age or a matter of maturity?

Thanks for your answers!

I just realized that my title question sound retarded. I should have said "Will I be a good mom when I turn 20?" Sorry, I just wasn't thinking...

El Diablo--That's my point. Turning a certain age doesn't make a person a great parent. If the person is a good loving parent then that won't change with age. Just as if a person was a bad parent. A parent is a parent regardless of their age--good or bad.

Answer 1

Good parenting is not equal to age.

I know plenty of "older" parents that are completly neglecting their children and barely see them. In fact, daycare has become a sickening trend for most parents.

I was a younger mom. I was married quite young (18). I was married for 2.5 years before we planned our children. We too sacrifice silly material things so I can stay at home and take care of our children.

To me, good parenting is defined with one word--time. All kids want is your time and attention. You have to actually care about your children.

You can't have a life and try to fit your kids in it somewhere. You decide to have children and be a parent and then fit everything else in life around that.

Answer 2

In my opinion, people who say these kinds of things are just plain stupid. I've known 15 yr olds who were "good parents" in as far as they loved, cared for, and worked to support their child to the best of their ability (while in school too).They might not have been able to support themselved totally without help, but they tried. Saying that, I somewhat understand some people's positition that people should ideally put off having kids until they are financially independant and able to support a child on their own. But if everyone waited that long, very few people would be able to have kids at all because most people in the US have significant debt holding them down. Most of the people I know actually say they wished they'd gone ahead and had kids earlier if they married younger because trying to keep up with a toddler is easier on a young 20 something than a 35-40 something. Also, if you have kids younger, they leave the nest while you're still young enough to enjoy yourself after they're gone. My parents had me when they were 21 and my brother when they were 24. Now, they're turning 50 this year, both of us have left home, and they get to do whatever they want, whenever they want (sometimes a good thing, except for the suprise visits.) Older parents might not have a kid out of the house until they're too old to enjoy it.
To answer your question, though, I don't think parenting is either a matter of age or maturity. Maturity will definitely be gained as a parent, long nights and mouthy kids will guarantee that. Age is something that is remedied by time.

Answer 3

Vato, age has nothing to do with it, well, maybe if you are like 10 and trying to be a parent, lol, but at 16, 17, 18, 30, 50, 500, good and bad parents, those that are truly there for their kids, keeping them healthy, in a good environment, watching over them, and teaching the difference between good and not so good, those are the signs of a good parent, protect them, and care for them, a parents job, until the day they die. You want to be a parent, you do those things, and don`t stop, not for a minute, you will be a good parent. My son did something pretty bad once, he and a friend robbed a dentist office, the window was left open, they went in and found the petty cash, took it, spent it, then he came home and asked if I could drive him over to the police station, where he told a detective what had happened, he knew the difference, and that was all I could ask of him, I think I was a good parent. The job has no instruction manual, a lot of books, but they all tell give you different instructions, this is a job where you try something, it it works, good, if not, try something different. You are smart enough to ask the question about age and parenting, so you will be smart enough to teach them well. And since you did ask the question,you show that you are concerned about possible failure because of maturity, this says to me you are somewhat concerned as to weather you can do the job, you keep worrying, because you will strive to do better as long as you are worried about how you are doing. Dont listen too people who tell you you arent old enough to know how it is done, as I said before, it is a job without any instructions, and between 3 and 8 years, depending on who you ask, to give them all the direction that will chart the rest of their lives, good luck

Answer 4

I agree with you. There are some people out there in their thirties and still dont have their life together and are horrible parents! It's all a matter of maturity. My grandmother had her first when she was 19 and proceeded to have 12 more. She was a great parent even though she was a little young with her first. And I dont know how she did it. 13 kids?! And her husband died the day before her last was born. She was a strong person, single mom with 13 kids. And her strength had absolutely nothing to do with her age. I guess most people just think that people shouldnt have kids until theyre a certain age so they can finish college or get married or whatever but I think thats just a stupid way to think. If you want kids and you know you can handle kids and still acheive your goals then whats the problem? And if you get pregnant "accidentally" it doesnt mean that you're a horrible parent just because you didnt plan to get pregnant. People are just ignorant.

Answer 5

I don't think being a certain age makes you a good parent. I am 19 and have 2 kids. I believe I am a good mom and my kids are good kids and age has nothing to do with it. Some moms over the age of 30 are bad moms. You can't magically change from a bad parent to a good one. But I know where you are coming from. I get looks all the time, and people have even said things to me. But in the end I am a good mother and it shows through my kids.

Answer 6

I agree with you, I was married at 18 and when I was pregnant with my first and when people would ask and hear that I was a teenager they would freak out, now we are expecting our second and I am 20 and no-one has a problem- WTF?

I am married, I breastfed my first and will do it again, we gave up the "extras" so I could stay home instead of just dropping the baby in a daycare, etc... by all other standards I was and am a "perfect" mother, but I was still a bad person because of my age. It's silly what some people think, but I am releived not to have the "teenage" stigma hang over my head anymore.

Ignore what others think, as long as you are the best parent you can be that is all that matters.

Answer 7

Good Parenting can be done at any age! It depends on the person it is not defined by an age. Bad parents can happen at any age too. There are plenty of baby boomers who waited until they were older and they were financially settled that didn't turn out to be great parents. You have to put your children's needs first, you have to be able to provide financially (that doesn't mean they need the latest and greatest whatever) you have to be able to control yourself what you say, what you do, etc. You have to have patience, you have to educate yourself on parenting, raising children, etc. (we aren't all born knowing what to do, even those with masters degrees make mistakes). You have to realize nothing is ever going to be perfect. You have to know that things don't need to be serious all the time. Play with the kids and have fun. Pick your battles, don't sweat every little thing. Speak to your kids right from the start, teach them to tell you about their day. Know who their friends are, including getting to know the parents of their friends. Be willing to be tough about the important stuff, but there for them when they just need to 'talk' some of their problems may seem trivial to you but to them they aren't. And provide unconditional love.

All of these things are far more important than how many birthdays you've had!

Answer 8

Hunny I am 22 And I have three kids!!!!! It is not easy!! I know that!!! I have one that is 5 All the way to 7 months!! Dealing with a 5 year old a 2 year old and the 7 month old all at the same time!!! NOT EASY!! but anyone can be a good parent. Even if you are 30 or 40 or even 20 you are still learning!! So just ignor them! you are a goood parent now i am sure and you still will be then!! It dosent matter how old you are!!

Answer 9

I'm with you. But I gotta say, the first step is admitting you have a problem. If they can recognize that they're not being the best parent then they can try to change it. I'm more worried about the horrible parents who think they're great parents. I know someone (one of my hubby's employees) who's about to give birth any day to her 4th child (#7 between her and hubby). She brags that she's never smoked more in her life than when she's pregnant. She's not shy about admitting that she's never read to any of her children because she thinks its boring. Her husband she thinks is the tops because he only smokes pot now instead of the meth he was doing for the last 5 years. She longs for the day that either of her first two kids' fathers will take them off her hands--and she won't ever let them give them back if they take them. She's horrible, but she will stand up with a straight face and claim that she is a good mother.

Of course its not a matter of age but of maturity. Maturity does tend to come with age, but there are always exceptions on both sides.

Answer 10

I realy don't believe that age has anything to do with how good of a parent you are. You have to be responsible enough to put your child first, as well as be caring and loving. I had a kid at 14, and I'm the one who had to call DSS on my aunt, (in her thirties) for not taking proper care of her kids. Anyone who says you have to be a certain age to be a good parent is completely ignorant. I could have provided better financially for my child had I been older, but making a lot of money doesn't make you a good parent either.