Why do people cheat?

Question

I know there area lot of different opinions on cheating. I was just looking for opinions on why people have the urge to cheat, or why they actually go through with it....
Is it okay to be attracted or interested in someone when you are with someone that you love?
Thank you

Answer 1

“People usually cheat because there is a conflict between their physical and emotional desires,” said an article I read on the Internet, and it went on to talk about the sex drive (which comes from the reptilian brain) and the “emotional monogamous” need, which have only been around for a few thousand years.

The reptilian brain has been around for millions of years, the limbic brain less than that, and the neocortex, still less than that. Those are our three brains, in evolutionary succession. The drives and instincts from the reptilian brain are very strong because they’re related to survival – reproduction being one of them.

But the sex drive isn’t the only instinct coming from the reptilian brain, and monogamy not the only societal restraint put on these drives, and when we fail to mitigate some of these instincts, to think them through before acting upon them, we always end up “cheating” – ourselves, others, and the best deal in the situation.

Emotional intelligence is all about knowing and using all of our brains and their capacities. We will always be assaulted, so to speak, by feelings we can’t, or shouldn’t act upon. And “shouldn’t” isn’t always a bad word.

“Should “ you kill someone because they anger you? Of course not. What stops you from doing it? The thousands of years of evolutionary brain development, the constraints of the civilized society in which you live, and your ability to use your limbic and neocortex brains.

It is a rare parent, for instance, who will do willful damage to their own child, no matter what damage they inflict. This is because the limbic brain controls the emotions of social bonding and parenting, and then we also have the neocortex which allows us to think. The catch is, we have to STOP and THINK.

We “understand” when our toddler slams us across the nose with a brick all the things that we understand, while we’re seeing stars before out eyes, and our parental instinct is stronger than our desire to lash back, even when in pain.

Emotions predate thinking, and are stronger. They’re our guides and keep us safe and alive. But they aren’t always appropriate to living in this century. We can no longer “eat what annoys us.” When we get strong emotions, we can be “hijacked,” because they’re designed to shut down thinking. If, back when these instincts developed, we stopped to think, we would be dead.

Consider, for instance, if a wooly mammoth were headed your way. The brain pumps out chemicals saying “fight or flight,” because it doesn’t want us to take the time to think. This triggers “automatic” responses – we turn and run, or turn to fight, with all systems on full alert.

You know this feeling if you’ve avoided a car accident by very fast and automatic actions. Being a cerebral type, the thought even flashed through my mind the other day as I slammed on the brakes to avoid being blind-sided by a driver who must’ve been drunk or stoned, “that cake on the back seat is going to be all over this car.” But slam the brakes and steer for dear-life I did. Without thinking.

One strong emotion that “hijacks” us is anger. Say you’re at work, tired and pressured to begin with, and maybe it’s too hot inside with no air circulation, and maybe the colleague you have to team with on a project isn’t your favorite to begin with. If he says to you something that is, or is perceived to be, an insult, you can get “hijacked” and cheat yourself, the other, and the goals of the project.

You stop thinking and start yelling back, or walk out, and the project is left far behind in the dust.

Must you react to this strong emotion of anger? Sometimes a man will say he couldn't help hitting his wife "because she made me so angry." The counter to that is -- think about it -- if Mike Tyson made you that angry could you "help" hitting him. I think you will agree with the statement that even the strongest emotions can be controlled in your self-interest, and stopping to think makes it clearer what your self-interest (and the general good) is.

Another strong emotion like this is fear. If you become intimidated by someone, that is to say scared, you will also get flooded with emotion and not think clearly. You’ll “cheat” again – yourself, the others, and the goals. If you shout order and insults at your child to "make" him do something, you're cheating your child of the chance to do what you want, because he can't even think, and also cheating yourself of your child's love and respect.

You know this feeling if you’ve ever received terrible news. I sat with someone as their doctor told her she had cancer and it was terminal, and the person did not absorb what was being said. Two weeks later she asked me why something was not being done, and I had to tell her the news the doctor had. As a self-preservation measure, her brain just shut down.

So how do you keep from cheating? When the emotions are strong, note them, and experience them, but don’t react immediately. Respond instead. This means putting a gap between the stimulus (the arousing person or event) and your response (action). You can do this first of all by becoming aware. Self-awareness is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Without it, there can be no emotional intelligence.

You need to be able to observe yourself and recognize a feeling as it happens. Then handle it appropriately, realizing what’s behind it and finding ways to manage fear, anger, anxieties and sadness. Then channel the emotions in service of a goal, using emotional self-control, stifling impulses and delaying gratification. Finally, you have to be able to do this about the other person or persons, being sensitive to their feelings and understanding their position, and, when necessary, managing the emotions of others using social competence.

Those impulses will always be lurking around. Cheating is an option, not a necessity. It’s your ability to choose how you behave that gives you Personal Power, an EQ competency, and your freedom lies in that space between the stimulus and the response.

Answer 2

We'll always find other's attractive. Just because you're in a relationship, doesn't mean you suddenly stop finding beauty in others' appearances, etc.

There may be many different reasons why people cheat. Maybe something is missing from the relationship, or whatever. I do not condone cheating and can't imagine ever being with someone else, outside my relationship.

If I ever found myself in a situation where the urge to be with another is so strong, I would end my relationship and hope that my partner would do the same for me.

Having said that, I hope it never comes to that.

Answer 3

Haven't you ever heard of the saying that the grass is always greener on the other side of the pasture? Meaning something that you don't have looks better than what you have. I think the reasons for cheating vary from being bored with the same ol thing, to curiousity, to loneliness, to dissatisfaction in your current relationship, to just being drunk and stupid.

But when you love somebody and am happy with that person, you shouldn't stray. You can be attracted to other people, but you should always be faithful.

Answer 4

i guess they do it b/c they get bored with who they r with but yetthey r afraid that the person they cheat with wont keep them cause hell if ur cheatin with them then u kno they will probabl;y do the same to u so they stick with their bf/gf that way they got a tru person to run back 2.........

in all honesty i hate cheaters.....y put someone through that? just break up with them if ur bored thats the worst thing u can do 2 someone i once had a friend who said after she cheated five times on her guy actually sat there in front of me and said but i still love my bf and thats bullsh*t if u love someone u dont go and cheat ......ppl r jerks so some do it just b/c they cant committ and always want something new and fresh but eventually those ppl end up with miserable lives (as they should)

Answer 5

People cheat because they love the fear of doing somthing they know is wrong. I find it hillarious that some people say that it "Just Happened." and that they had no intention. Truelly some people cheat without really calling it cheating. They think that kissing another person isn't cheating when it is. It's ok to be intrested in another person, that's human, just on't act on those lusts! Remember who truelly loves you and remember the person you want to be with! Good Luck,
A.L.

Answer 6

Guys cheat because they like to throw their sperm around. Most of the cases they like adventures, for example they see a chick on the street, she's fine. The first thing that comes in a guy mind is bang her. A female cheats at her guy because she is a "slut", "whore" or even someone totally who does not care about her relationship
this is a 50/50 situation.

Answer 7

People cheat because we have been taught by society to live for ourselves. As a species we no longer value putting others ahead of our own wants and desires. Most people believe it's more important that they satisfy their desire to be above the rules. This is why the divorce rate is at 50% and climbing.

Answer 8

yes it is ok to be attracted to someone when you love someone else. BUT if you say that you love someone, than that word means that you would never do anything to hurt that person, like cheating on them. if you really love someone than it doesn't matter how attractive someone else is, you would not ever do anything w/ them, and if you do than you should think of what the word "LOVE" actually means.

Answer 9

Men cheat because of a combination of opportunity and lack of morality.

Women cheat out of revenge or to find something that they are not getting at home.

Answer 10

people cheat because they arent satifited with the relationship that they are in then. And in you are attracted to someone while you are with someone thats fine but if you are always talking to them and hanging out with them more then the person that you are with then that is wrong and soon will lead to you cheating which is bad.