How Do I Deal With a Child Suffering from School Phobia?? Help. We're in Crisis Mode.?

Question

My 7 year old niece has developed a disabling fear of going to school. The women in my family all suffered from this as kids, but as adults, though we empathise, don't know the best way to deal. I'm looking for a support group or someone who can step in and give me concrete step-by-step answers/help for dealing. The school has so far not helped much. I've done lots of research and the common denominator is that getting the child to school is the most important step. But how? She's constantly sick, cries uncontrollably, and when she's in school she's become anti-social, sits quiety at recess alone, does not interact with the other kids, where she was always the most outgoing kid in her class. She is extremely bright and can whiz through homework, but in class she's unfocused and very fearful of each and every step of the day, from lunch to recess to math class. Unlike many kids, she's sick all weekend from fear of Monday. Help!

I have researched and researched this. I suffered as a child too, and was up against a school system who dealt with it as a truancy (exacerbating the fear and guilt associated with the phobia/anxiety) for a few months and then eventually encouraged me to drop out, a parent who was accused of being a bad parent/enabler until a psychologist stepped in. Unfortunately, I suffered for years (ages 8-16) and lost much of my childhood because of this. The issue is not behavioral to start with, behaviors (such as hiding from parents to keep from going to school, crying, screaming, etc.) are reactionary - a person's natural "fight or flight" mechanism goes into overdrive in a person like my niece, and they automatically do everything in his/her power to avoid the situation that causes the anxiety. It's sort of a normal reaction gone overboard, if that makes any sense. There are psychosomatic symptoms that occur as well, and the child physically feels them. ...

it's often difficult, if not impossible to know which symptoms are caused by a real physical illness and which are caused by the mind. Over the past week and weekend, she has suffered from stomaches, she's not eating, headaches, muscle aches, sore throat, ear aches, a fever, and a rash that appeared over all of her body where the muscle pain was present. I've read that people can (of course without knowing it) cause themselves to run fevers and have all the above symptoms, along with shortness of breath, cough, and some have nausea that causes them to throw up. For some symptoms disappear once the child gets into school, for others (like me) they are constantly sick, so much so that they are almost unable to function, along with the overwhelming fear (I read somewhere "Picture walking into a room and finding an angry grizzly bear you've gotta face and then transfer that real fear to a child with this phobia walking into a classroom." The fear is illogical, but very real.

And to answer the question most people are probably going to ask now - yes, she saw her pediatrician on Monday afternoon. Diagnosis - nothing wrong with her physically.

Answer 1

OH PLEASE! Every feeling is a phobia nowadays.. I am so sick of hearing about so called phobias.. Bottom line we all have things in life which we don't always enjoy, instead of attaching a phobia to it, try and just say.. this is school and every child goes regardless if he or she wants to. Stop feeding your childs mind with excuses and say WE ARE GOING TO SCHOOL. If you are really sick, the school will call me and I will come get you and take you to the doctors.
Geez with an attitude such as yours, your child will be diagnosed ADD too and taking all kinds of drugs to medicate themselves to handle life.. Good lesson learned huh? medicate yourself to be what someone else claims to be normal.. No wonder drugs are so big in school, everyone gives them to you but then you wonder why your kid gets addicted to cocaine later on in life.. And you taught your child this by medicating for every feeling that YOU or some so called school psychologist think is not normal.
As for the crying and carrying on?? She'll stop when YOU stop giving her attention for this behavior. She is winning and you are allowing her to win by paying attention to her antics. Kids learn by adult reactions. If it gets her her way she keep doing it as it worked. The problem is not with your child it's with you catering to her antics. I know that sounds cold and hard but if someone did just that to you when you were that age you would not be claiming to have that silly phobia today. Wake up.. the problem is not with her, it is with the way you were taught to handle such situations and now attach the word phobia to it!

Answer 2

Sounds like anxieties run in your family, but they are more severe in your neice. They are genetic. My family has a similar issue with ADHD.

Couple thoughts -
research online - google it - there have got to be some better answers because she can't be the first kid with this!

Go to a psychiatrist. Sure we don't want kids on meds. That's what everybody says lately, right? On the other hand, I would think that a medication that relieved your neices anxiety would be a MUCH lesser evil than the traumatic experiences she is going through right now. The side effects of medication should be compared against the lasting emotional damage that she is currently sustaining. I think that weighing the advantages and disadvantages of medication & therapy would be advisable in her case.

Keep talking to her. Tell her what you know - that this is something your family has had to different degrees. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for, and she probably already suspects that something is wrong. Help her to see that this is a challenge that she, with the families support, can overcome.

Then make a plan and do it!

Answer 3

Desensitize the situation is one approach, talk school, watch school on tv, video tape her in the classroom for a day so she can observe her behavior, overload school environment stimulation until finally it is as common as the kitchen sink.

Addressing a drastic increase in teachers' expectation of children's out put is also an issue. My daughter's homework load increased dramatically in and around that age group, don't think others aren't going home with the same worries. It was a great relief to my daughter when she heard others validate her work load.

The above is a suggestion to consider and not a professional solution.

Definitely consult with your Doctor

Answer 4

Hi, I went through the same exact thing with my son. He would have unbearable headaches and stomach aches the morning of school. I would take him to school and he would hang onto me with all his strength and I had to literally pry him away from me. The teachers called me almost everyday to come pick him up because of headaches and stomach aches. He was terrified of school. I talked with teachers and principals and they tried walking into the classroom with him, moving his desk in different places in the classroom, etc. Nothing worked. If he couldn't develop a headache in order to get to go home, he would deliberately get into trouble so he could get suspended. As soon as I would pick him up from school his headaches and tummy aches would dissapear. It was a nightmare trying to get him to go to school. I was worried about his future and being able to hold a job as well. He is now 24 and has been working with the Federal Government for 6 years straight with no problem of getting up early and getting to work. It's wierd that this question came up, but just a few days ago, I mentioned this to my son about the school thing and asked him what his problem was that he didn't want to go to school. He replied "I got homesick" It was like a light bulb went off in my head. I recalled a time when he actually got me a job in the school cafeteria and when I look back, during that time, I had no problem getting him to school. He knew I was going to be at school and he would get to see me everyday. He was a very attached child and didn't want to be away from me and school meant he had to be away from me. My suggestion is if you can, participate in any and everything at school with her that you can. Go on field trips, go eat lunch with her, volunteer at school, anything to let her know that you are there. Assure her that you are there for her and let her know you want to be involved. Have her birthday parties at your home with the class of kids so she can get to know them in your presence. My sons teachers invited me to come sit in the back of the classroom if I wanted to. Maybe it;s someone in her class that is intimidating her. It could be several things but I beleive if you work hard enough, you can find the culprit. Just keep encouraging her and be involved with her at school. Some kids just don't adapt as well in social situations as others and I think she is having a problem adapting to the new environment. Good luck and let me know how it goes!