My daughter thought she would pull a big one this morning.?

Question

She walked across the street from our babysitter as if she had forgotten something at home and did not return. The babysitter looked for her but could not find her to get her on the bus. She walked to school by herself on the train tracks. She is only nine.
What kind of discipline do you suggest?

Answer 1

I agree with every one. I would suggest you let her know that you are disappointed with her action, and you are mad and sad at the same time; let her know that you are worry, because outside is too dangerous, especially for a girl at her age. It is a good idea to grounded her, but let her know that is not only because of her act, it is because she put herself on risk.

Answer 2

I guess I would be pretty firm with her. There are alot of nuts in the world who could snatch a 9 year old quickly and we all think it could never happen to us but then bam! Not to mention lack of concern over the babysitter. I would also wonder about the control that babysitter has. How could she just let her go missing? I would really let her have it but make her listen. Maybe get some movies on stolen children who end up getting killed. I hate to say that but maybe she needs the fear of life put into her. Good luck

Answer 3

That's interesting.It sounds like she is trying to be independent or perhaps doesn't respect adult authority. Does she do stuff like this with you or with just the babysitter? If she does this with all adults, then I'd say she needs more authority and dicipline all around (without being overbearing). If it's just with the sitter, I would talk to the sitter. Perhaps she/he is not careful or perhaps your babysitter is young and your daughter doesn't feel the need to listen. Make sure you trust your babysitter, and make sure your daughter undertands that the babysitter is an adult to be respected too.

I would talk to your daughter. Find out why she thought it was okay to walk off and why she did it. Then explain to her the consequences of doing something like that. It's important she understands exactly why you can't go wandering off. Based on her answer, then I would dicipline. If she did it deliberatley, knowing that it was wrong, I would "ground" her from something she likes doing. For example, that evening don't let her go out and play with her friends or to, oh, dance class or a hobby that she does. If it wasn't deliberate I would give her a warning and if she does it again, proceed with dicipline. Idon't think it's fair to dicipline a child if they don't first undrstand that they did something wrong and are given a chance.

Answer 4

I think that the baby sitter should not let her out of the house without any supervision from now on and explain to her why she has to escorted everywhere like a baby.The babysitter also needs to walk her all the way to the bus watch her get on and see the bus pull away,my son did this he's 12 but still their are a lot of freaks in the world today..Tell her that this is the way it has to be until you feel like you can trust her again ,trust must be earned and not just given.Give her a scenario say that you went through her diary or read something personal,how would she feel,not wanting to trust mom, so try to help her understand.how you feel tell her you know how she feels and you dont want to see her picture on the back of a park bench.good luck.

Answer 5

Does she normally get to school another way? Is this a recurring event with her? Was she late to school? What is the dynamic between her and the babysitter?

Discipline should be given based on a variety of factors, including but not limited to these questions.

ADDITION: I see where some brilliant folks didn't like my answer. Odd, I fail to see how one can define appropriate discipline in a data vacuum. It SOUNDS as though what the little girl did was irresponsible and unsafe. Yet, until these questions and possibly others are answered, you cannot suggest appropriate punishment.

Answer 6

Don't hit her... beatings arent the answer.

Let the babysitter get her from the house from now on or meet her halfway in the street.

Find material on train safety to educate her about the dangers of trains and train tracks.

Ground her for 1 or 2 months

Answer 7

what kind of situation is with the babysitter, is there a problem there with your daughter?
how about the school bus, is there a reason she doesnt want to ride it?
dont think i would ground her for months on this one, i would want to know the reason for her doing this.
i would give a hard core education on the dangers of her being somewhere alone, somewhere when no one knew where she was. i would expose her to child abduction horrors, whether it be with the police or with a movie or america's most wanted....she has to realize why it was so dangerous.
my daughter was off playing with neighborhood friends and 2 of them wondered off alone. i was frantic. when i found them, i told her how afraid i had been, how much she meant to me, how i would have been crazed had something happened to her, then, made her write 300 times MY MOM WILL ALWAYS KNOW WHERE I AM...
to this day, she is 23, she calls to say hi, almost everyday. granted, there are plenty of times i no longer know where she is, maybe i am saner because of that..but..she got the point..
s

Answer 8

I suggest showing her the real world. I don't know that punishing would be appropriate. Just tell her the world is a strange and dangerous place and she has to be careful. Don't hold back, let her watch or read news events in your area relating to child abductions, etc.. I guess what I am trying to say is educate her on what can and does happen to children and have that babysitter keep a closer eye on her. No more going home without an escort or watchful eye.

Answer 9

Since this is obviously a violation regarding being "where you're supposed to be, WHEN you're supposed to be there," I think grounding her for a couple of WEEKENDS is appropriate.

(I'd suggest a couple of weeks, but my daughters at that age never DID anything during the week, so they would shrug off most of such a grounding, and it would only affect them on weekends anyway.)

Also, a letter of apology (not just a verbal "i'm sorry") to the babysitter for causing her worry and stress would be appropriate.

And she's grounded at least until the letter is written - it must state what she did wrong, why it was wrong, and why she should not do it again.

The second one - the letter of apology - was one of the most effective punishment methods my wife and I ever discovered when a 3rd party was involved!

Answer 10

We have a police officer in the area - he is Office Friendly. He comes into the classrooms to talk about the dangers today. He has come to people's homes to have discussions with children who have no fear. My friend's little boy wanted to ride his bike to the store, she said no because it is too far and there is too much traffic. She went inside to answer the phone and before she could walk back out he was going down the road. She took her son down to the police station (after speaking with him about strangers and getting hit by cars and taking away his bike for a while). Officer Friendly had a little chat with him and while it was a little blunt, sometimes it has to be to get the point across. He now understands a little more about why they shouldn't be alone and what can happen. It helped.

Answer 11

That's a tough one, on one hand it sounds like your nine year old wants to be independent, on the other hand it sound like she was not only disobedient but may have put herself in a dangerous situation. So my thoughts about this are that
1. you should talk to her find out why she walked to school
2. when you have reached a suitable reason then let the punishment fit the crime.
3. explain to her your feelings and that it hurts you when she disobeys you.

alot of children don't understand that it hurts us parents when they do something that they shouldn't and we worry alot.

If it is reasonable to allow her to walk to school then follow her if you can behind her, if it is not then explain to her why, explain to her that she will just have to trust you. Explain what trust is [even though we might think our kids know what it is, it is still very good to explain to them] And give a secondary consequence if she offends again...such as bed early..etc.

Good luck and I hope it all works out!