when someone has an unstable parent?

Question

if the unstable parent comes and goes when he/she pleases for example leaves for 6 months and comes back and trys to say everything is alright. is there wasy that it effects the child and if so how and in what different ways. please help me i am writting my final draft on a class paper. and with permishion to put your answer in my paper.

How will it effect them mentally in the future?

Answer 1

My daughter-in-law has lived in this exact situation all of her life. For the past five years, I have tried to help reverse the damage those unstable relationships have caused this poor child. She has been left with feelings of abandonment, insecurity, unworthiness of being loved by anyone and major trust issues. It is appalling how any parent can do this to their child. While we would love to tell her to break all ties with all of her family because of the pain they cause her, we know that the bigger lesson is to learn that she doesn't have to be like them.

It is natural for a child to want to keep seeking the love they don't get from a parent like this. We choose to keep showing her love no matter what and we try to support her decisions. We've tried to console her every time she's been hurt and it gets harder and harder for us to see her go through so much pain. She has 2 children and is really breaking the cycle because she's a great mother. She's learned from all of her pain that she doesn't want that for her own children.

It will be a lifelong battle for her to deal with because you can't change other people (even your own parents), but you do have the power to change yourself. And she's working hard at that. I believe that it is proof that consistent love and unconditional acceptance from anywhere can help turn a person's life around.

And finally, yes, you have my permission to use my answer for your class paper, if you so choose to do so. Good luck!

Answer 2

I think it does effect the child. I left my kids with my husband twice. I had some personal issues and felt so guilty yet i was so selfish. It makes the kid think that they did something wrong and that they are not loved. That is not the case for me. I love my kids dearly but yet I messed up and me being so selfish and wrapped up in my own little world I didn't think to consider my childrens feelings.

The younger they are I don't think it will effect them as bad as if they were older.

I grew up with a lot of nannies...my parents were never around. But when they had thier own biological kids (I am adopted) they were there for them but not me. I've always felt not wanted and a chronic sense of emptiness. I do have serious issues with it and have been through a lot of counseling for it. But still I've never had the love or nurturing my mom and dad should have given me as a child. I'm not 32 years old. Yes it's really effected me big time.

Good luck on your paper. I'm not sure if my answer helped any but it helped me get some stuff off my chest. Thanks!

Answer 3

The child feels insignificant in the parents eyes and gets and inferiority complex. Many times this will cause a child to start acting out and getting into trouble. This also could give the child abandonment issues that could follow them into childhood and cause relationship problems later on in life.

Answer 4

i went through that as a child. it can be devistating especially if the child is young. i didnt understand why my dad would leave and i blamed myself that i did something bad for him to leave. when he did come back i did everything i could think of to keep him home with us. i tried to be on my best behavior but he did it again. to this day i sometimes struggle with relationships and i am still expecting my husband to leave like my dad did.
what i am getting at is that a child can be greatly affected with trust issues, relationships and self esteem not only for their own relationships in the future but with the relationship with their parents and even friends.

Answer 5

This situation gives the child the yearning to find unconditional love. It also make them very easy to offend and they will push people away by being on such a defense. It is their way of trying to keep the people in their life around, but not realizing what they are doing is pushing them away.

My Girlfriends dad is like this.

Good Luck on your paper!

Answer 6

My husbands X had a parent that did just that! She promised that she would never be like her mom because her childhood was so horrible- guess what- she is JUST LIKE HER MOM only worse. She too, has abandoned her kids leaving them alone in the house with no food and will not allow them to call dad for help or she punishes them severly. We called social services to report the kids alone for days. She made the boys lie about where she was, and got a restraining order on us to not get out of the car because we found them home alone.
Boy, do I have stories to tell! This woman is like the one is the book called, "THE GRIFTER" She even let her dad die in front of her eyes and cleaned out his bank accounts while he needed to be in a hospital.
This kind of woman when divorces has DIVORCE RELATED MALICIOUS MOTHER SYNDROM---DRMMS< watch out- they are evil!

Answer 7

I think it can affect the child because they learn to grow up on their own, because they can't rely on their parent. It may also affect some of their relationship traits, because the relationships we start out with, i.e. our parents, determine who we will be and the relationships we will have with others. EX: Someone has an abusive parent, they might either grow up to be abusive to their own children, or they may vow to give their children the childhood they always wanted.
Er, you can use my answer if you'd like.

Answer 8

Effect - The child becomes used to and expects instability in their relationships. They will likely do the same thing in future relationships and with their own children.

Answer 9

I AM SHIRLEY T DAUGHTER-LAW AND WHAT SHE SAID IS SO TRUE I LOVE HER AND MY HUBBY'S FAMILY SO MUCH SHE HAS TRULY HELPED ME AND IF YOU WANT A PAPER THAN YOU NEED TO PICK HERS AS THE BEST ONE SHE HAS LIVED THIS AND KNOWS SO I LOVE YOU MOMMASITA:)