I was in an 11year relationship with the daddy of my girls, and I was very unhappy, I did everything for this man and he did nothing, I paid bills, I bought the car, I went to work, I supported him when he had no job, which was quite often, then I find out he was using drugs!!! Crack for that matter!!! I dumped his a**!!! I started dating my best friend (we were freinds since the age of 9.), I started having strong feelings for him and before you knew it I had him in my heart!!! We have been together for the last five years, and he is great, Great job, great house, great friends and he loves my girls and they love him, he is very overprotctive, but I seem to treat him like crap every now and then, I don't know why!!! I love him like crazy, and I do things that I don't think bother him and it does, but I act like "OH WELL" Deal with it!! What is going on with me??? Am I just holding on to the past and treating my guy the way I should have treated my ex??? Help!!!
2007-02-28 03:31:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You were in an 11 yr relationship where the guy left you. Not physically but emotionally. You became accustomed to it and you're afraid the new guy may leave you in some way so you act defensively. You are sabotaging this new relationship and he may very well leave you because of the way you treat him. He doesn't deserve it. You better change your attitude if you don't want to lose this fabulous guy.
2007-02-28 03:45:11 · answer #1 · answered by Patricia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have realized you have a problem yourself already, because you ask this. Of course you do or this would not be bothering you. if he is the real deal and you really do love him then there is nothing you can do but go for bettering yourself. You should treat nobody like crap. period. I think you have realized that, but just need some encouragement that you can do better. And of course you can! you already said goodbye to someone doing drugs and have found yourself someone very loving. Don't think "oh well" any more and ask yourself truly why? then the solution will come to you. just keep asking yourself...
If you are holding to the past... don't. just realize you are and stop doing it. it is a choice. every day. Good luck with each-other and I hope you make it together!
2007-02-28 11:46:37 · answer #2 · answered by freebird31wizard 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes Darlin'...thats exactly what you are doing. Its something that is hard to deal with too. I've been there, done that myself.
My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. The first 17, I had to have been crazy for putting up with him. He treated me horribly. (he worked though~50-60 hours a week, no drugs) Well, it took him almost dying to figure out what is important in life, and how had treated me had finally come back around to haunt him.
What I'm getting at is this, it took me sometime to get over this "new man" and his "new attitude" because at a moments notice if I even saw a reflection of the old man twinkling in his eyes, it was as if he'd pulled the rug out from underneath me again. And quite frankly, I was damn for tired of being treated that way. So my first initial reaction was to want to flee or fight. I had to let go...and stop myself. He was trying afterall.....
We have to learn that people change, and you have to learn that this man you have in your life now, is nothing compared to that piece of **** you had. So..try to let go of the past, and treat this man the way he should be treated, (he sounds like a great guy) before you loose him. You have to remember, he's not the one that made you that way, or made you feel that way. So don't do him the way your were done.
2007-02-28 11:50:45 · answer #3 · answered by Stephanie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is only something you can answer... I was treated like crap growing up and it leaked into my relationships. There is definitely an underlying issue from the past that you must face before you can move forward...maybe you haven't forgiven your ex which you really need to do b/c holding a grudge from past experiences does more bad than any good. I hope u find out the problem and can move forward with ur b/f
2007-02-28 11:40:47 · answer #4 · answered by so_sincere 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, since you put it that way i have to say yes. you spent 11 years with a man and know how to live with him, now you are in a healthier relationship and you don't know how to do that so... you move into what you know how to do. It is normal and now you just have to sit back and remember that he is not the former guy, know that he is kind and good and when you get in those "moods", take his hand and tell him that you remember that you love him. This I had to do as I spent a lifetime in sick relationships and now am married to the best person I have ever known. It was not him but was about me. I sat and wrote about the first time I fell in love with him. It changed ME. I remind him every now and then that I appreciate him and dearly love him. He responds with such kindness--- like bringing me red roses when least expected. He is not a romantic guy but he is to me... he loves me and I don't deserve him- he is my gift from god.
2007-02-28 11:49:43 · answer #5 · answered by RUBY 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You obviously still have issues. You sound as though you are treating your new boyfriend the way you were treated.I suggest next time you feel you are going to say something nasty to him you stop and think about the way you used to feel when your old boyfriend treated you that way. I think after awhile those old feelings will go away and you will find you are a much nicer person.
2007-02-28 11:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by kim a 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should sit down with your new man and tell him why you are treating him this way tell him how you felt about your past relationship and how that is effecting you now then tell him you love him and that you want to spend the rest of your life with him and that he makes you so happy and that you never want him to be hurt. did you try counseling? it might help you deal with your past and make a better future!
I hope this helps!
2007-02-28 11:43:53 · answer #7 · answered by sam_roxmysox 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is a very good possibility. now its time to turn yourself around and start treating him with the respect that he has earned and it appears he is better for you than the last one you had
2007-02-28 11:42:11 · answer #8 · answered by ken s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are projecting your feelings from your past relationship. You better wise up or he will leave you, then you will have to "deal with it".
2007-02-28 11:37:37 · answer #9 · answered by jt51502004 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems like you are not getting from him something...Something which is very important to you.
Does he have a real LOVE for you???
2007-02-28 13:21:49 · answer #10 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋