My boyfriend looks for an excuse to drink, then he will cause an argument with me to dump me wherever and go drinking spirits, sometimes he goes for 3 days without being contactable. He goes to various pubs, peoples houses etc and doesnt bother about my feelings. He then sobers up and cries and says sorry he has a problem and will stop. he then stays sober until he slowly introduces alcohol back into his life like a drink with dinner etc until he binges again. what would you do if you where treated like this and the person said it was a disease and you would be wrong to leave them to deal with it alone. Does this sound like him wanting to have fun then come home and be forgiven or a genuine problem with uncontrollable alcohol urges
2007-02-28 03:11:53 · 17 answers · asked by Abigail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's an alcoholic. He needs help. If he loves you and loves himself and really wants to change then he'll agree to seek help through AA or therapy. Give him an ultimatum, get help or I'm leaving. You don't need to live with an alcoholic you deserve better. It won't get better unless he gets help!
Take Care and I wish you the best,
Tori
2007-02-28 03:17:29 · answer #1 · answered by Incognito 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a genuine problem with alcohol. With your emotions inner-twined, you are also dealing with co-dependency. Marriage will not cure this. He will always have a tendency for alcohol abuse, even if he participates in a 12 step program. Think long and hard about whether you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this. And if you do, counseling would be highly recommended for helping you do the right things to stay healthy in the relationship.
My grandfather was a binge drinker and my grandmother divorced him after 40 years of marriage because she couldn't take it anymore. It has trickled down into my own life because that is part of my family history. It has had a role, for example, when we applied for a foster care license, and during marital counseling.
Take a look at the AA web site. There is a great test there to help determine if someone is actually an alcoholic.
Blessings to you.
2007-02-28 11:29:16 · answer #2 · answered by Heffiner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he genuinely cannot handle alcohol. However, just becuase it is a disease does NOT make you responsible for his well-being or make you unable to leave. If I were you, tell him that he needs to seek treatment and stay sober if he wants you to be part of his life. It sounds like he isn't ready to give up the partying, friends, etc and therefore he hasn't gotten serious about getting sober. But as your bf, he should NEVER be uncontactable for over three days and then come back crying to you and apologizing. He can't have his cake and eat it too. If someone doesn't give him an ultimatum (stop drinking or lose me) he will continue to go down that path of destruction. You can't make him want to be sober, and if HE doesn't want to be sober no treatment will help. Tell him your concerns and what you want, need, and deserve from him and then make you decision based on how he reacts/acts after the conversation.
Good luck!! (and please don't feel that you have to stay with him bc of his addiction. That is not fair to either of you)
2007-02-28 11:19:40 · answer #3 · answered by Heart of Gold 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is an alcoholic...and she would go on binges for days at a time and never wanted help...
the thing with an alcoholic is they are an addict always no matter what...even if they go to rehab then they are a recovering addict...
he does not want help..he does not realize how special of a person you are to deal with it...
all my life i had to deal wtih the yelling, screaming, fighting, hurtful words for no reason....finally i left home and never looked back.
if he cries and says he sorry then you say if your sorrry get help...say if you go to a detox program you will stick by him and help him through it...(only if you want to you never have to its not your problem) but if he doesnt or doesnt complete the program and slips then you are gone...no more chances..
not you not anyone deserves to be scared when someone picks something up to drink...
2007-02-28 11:17:50 · answer #4 · answered by colie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an old problem that is common in the society of humanity that is hard to deal with simply because it clouds up the mind and causes the person to be one minded with himself. This is not a problem that can be fixed by anyone but the person that is afflicted by the addiction. If these problems are not something that you can deal with the best choice is to depart ways with this person. He will lie, cheat,steal from you.step all over you and blame you for all of his short comings and abuse you beyond a tolerable level. Don't fall for his false sense of remorse and his empty promises because they will never come to pass without his willingness to change his ways which will probably take decades. Sorry to hear that this type of problem has fallen on your head and I wish you good luck in the future.
2007-02-28 11:30:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is an alcoholic and needs some type of help that maybe you cannot provide him with. He is abusing himself and mentally abusing you. Anything legal is okay within reason and done responsibly, but he is out of control. You may end up hating him as time goes on if he is unwilling to choose, I think an ultimatum is the only answer, you deserve better and he is not worthy in his current state of mind. He is the only one who can get help, not you or anyone else. He has to want to change, if he is not, find someone who does not treat you this way!
2007-02-28 11:17:25 · answer #6 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you like him i mean like him alot and care for him. I say help. when hes sober talk about possibilities and even if he wants to stop drinking if he says yes then go ahead both of u look for medical help if needed or just watch him so he stays away from alcohol.
If you just like him and woudlnt really care much if he wasnt ur boyfriend go ahead tell him.. you either stop drinking or i wish you luck in your life, because u cannot live nor u need to live that kind of life.
2007-02-28 11:19:16 · answer #7 · answered by eshpros 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is an alcoholic. You are the enabler.
2 choices: stay or leave.
If you stay, call AA and they have support groups for spouses and significant others of alcoholics.
If you leave, good for you. You can do better.
2007-02-28 11:18:02 · answer #8 · answered by ignoramus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
assalam o alikum
consult a doctor and help him to get rid of this evil practice. it will not only destroy his health physically, but if u leave him it might hurt him mentally as well.
its a disease when u take alcohol, consult a doctor, and help him to get rid of this.
islam strictly oppose the habbit of taking drugs/ alcohol alhomdillah
may Allah (God) guide us towards the right path, ameen
2007-02-28 11:24:52 · answer #9 · answered by Muslim 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he won't get help, then you need to leave. You need to make a stand, otherwise you are an enabler and not doing him any favors. I was just like him until my then-girlfriend (now wife) made me choose between her and the booze. Tough love, honey.
2007-02-28 11:17:51 · answer #10 · answered by Michael B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋