Help me i just dont understand if this is wrong and if not why is it such a big problem?

Question

hi i am a 23yr. old women with a 2yr. old and a boyfriend, we currently stay with my boyfriends grandparents and i take care of them in everyway (cooking, cleaning, laundry, bathing, everything), i just dont understand because there family seem to hate me or dispite me for doing this and i am getting overwhlemed i also work fulltime and am a part-time student and a fulltime mom i want to ask for a little help now and then but i know i wont recieve any, dont get me wrong i love doing what im doing are so i say i do and i truley believe that i enjoy the extra tasks but im tired and need a break and i cant cause i will feel very, very, very guilty because of them and my boyfriend. i want to move but cant finincaily we share a room me my son and boyfriend and the family that hates me cont.... bickers about me and my son living there and its making it where i have anixety and panic attacks i cont.... have problems are guilt are what not running through my head and im to the breaking point

Answer 1

We took in my grandfather who was legally blind when my grandmother died. Hwas 92, still getting around, bathing self, just couldn't cook, etc. due to vision...different situation but I still had people saying we did it for money even though we set up conservatorship to prove we were not and he didn't have much anyway...my children were almost 3, 4 and 51/2 at the time. I wouldn't trade it for anything...to this day as young adults, 18, 20 and 21(almost 22), they have the greatest repect and comraderie with senior citizens and having him with us enriched our lives; yes, I got tired, yes, I needed a break from time to time, and yes, it is difficult to have people say things about you that are not in your heart. only you know why you are doing what you are doing, and, you know what? when they are gone, YOU will have no regrets, but the other family members will. does your boyfriend help at all? and, can you set up the grandparents to eat snack meals for your "day off"? Stay true to your heart and what you can handle...my grandfather always told me the children come first and he was so appreciative of absolutely every little thing i did for him...just incorporate everything you do into a family style routine, it's got to be alot like having a 2 year old and about the same aged "twins" to take care of...if you can keep your mental attitude up, you can handle it...i hope these people appreciate you and the gift that you are giving them...tell the grandparents that you need a break, surely they see what you are doing for them and how much other stuff you have to do as well...i almost want to say welcome to being a woman/mother...we are the caretakers and givers which is rare in these younger generations (I am in my early 40's)... you are a rare young person and that is why these other famly members don't understand...plus they may be carrying baggage from childhood, or just plain feel guilty that they are not capable to do what you are doing for their parents! As long as it is not affecting how you care for your child and finishing school, you are doing the right thing...wouldn't they be paying for these services if you were not living there doing them and by people they have no control over who they are...if your boyfriend supports you over the rest of his family, he's a good guy,he should help "buffer" things from the rest of the family or even tell them to shut their mouths unless they want to help... if not, chuck the whole place and move on. There are wonen's shelters and places for women with children to live until you can afford to get out on your own, check around in your area...and, living on your own, you would qualify for assistance until you finish your degree/child in school and that's what the assistance is for, to get productive people like you back on their feet, it's the slackers wanting to live off of the system that are draining it, you seem to be a self-starter with a bright future...check with your county offices to see even if they help with any kind of services for the grandparents. Best wishes...I am proud of you for taking care of these people whose own will not.

Answer 2

Hi, You sure do have your plate full...no wonder you need a break....whether you love what you're doing or not. That is a heavy load to carry day in and day out. If your boyfriend and his grandparents have no problem with you staying there, then disregard what the other family members are saying. They are not worth your energy or time to worry about them. They should be OFFERING you help if they care about the grandparents, you shouldn't have to ask. I would talk to your boyfriend about this, tell him you're feeling overwhelmed with everything, and that you really need to have a break once in awhile. Maybe he could give up a couple of hours a day or even a day once a week so you have time to regroup, and maintain yourself. If you don't, the stress will eventually cause more than just anxiety and panic attacks, it can start causing physical illnesses. Also, talk to your doctor, they may be able to help you with some anti-anxiety medicine. In the meantime, remind yourself that you are only one person, you are not mentally or physically meant to take on the tasks of 2 or more people. You deserve to be respected for all you do, not criticized. If you're uncomfortable talking to your boyfriend about his family, then write him a heartfelt letter, it will probably even help you just by writing it and getting it out. Writing is very therapeutic. I hope he is able to help you...you keep up gong to school...the future will hold great things for you. Remember, this is only a temporary situation, it will get better for you. God Bless...

Answer 3

This is a really tough situation that you are in. His family could feel you are using them by staying there. It doesn't sound like you are doing that to me, sometimes people think weird things. If I were you, I'd try my best to get my own place. Your boyfriends parents are not your responsibility and unless your married they are not technically your family. I think you are spreading yourself too thin, and I would quit doing that for people who don't appreciate you. I know you mentioned financially you can't do it - I would try to make other living arrangements. Maybe you have a family member or friend that could help you out so you can get back on your feet. Don't make yourself crazy helping them when the most important thing should be your son.

Answer 4

Breath...Relax. No matter how hard you try or how much you want anyone to like you you cant make them. So accept the fact that they hate you but realize that your boyfriend isnt them. Families to think they know what is best for their family memebers I know because my family does all the time and I have dealt with it which is why I stay out of my little bros life when everyone is in it. Try applying for housing anywhwere or find something you can afford; you and your child dont need it and dont need to be there. Establish a home for yourself and then attempt to deal with them if you want so you dont feel guilty.

Answer 5

Ok you are upset that they hate you but, you are not upset because you are not married and have a child, shacked up with a guy in his parent's house?
Who takes care of your 2 yrear old son while you are at school part time and working full time? There is not enough hours in the day for you to do all you say you do. Of course the proper thing to do is to marry the guy then they can't complan about you being a non family member in the parents house.

Answer 6

Hi You are in a no win situation.You are going to burn yourself out.going at this pace .You have to sit down and talk to this boyfriend of yours and tell him to help, you in some way.You will end up not being any help to the people around you.You are so busy with things ,you can not see the position you are in.If you do not get rest ,figure out a way to GET OUT,you sound like a very intelligent person.Forget the other family,blank them out of your mind.Good Luck

Answer 7

this is tough: but you have to be honest. if this is going as far as affecting your health... ITS NOT WORTH IT. my dad actually has a disease and cant want walk anymore. my mom has to work full time, raise 3 kids, and take care of him. my grandparents (my dads parents) are always bickering at my mom like she doesnt do enough around the house or she is never home... we dont live with my grandparents - but they live within 5 minutes. so its just stressful for her. i dont know how she does it though. you just have to let them know. dont feel guilty - ITS AFFECTING YOU. maybe you could ask your boyfriend to help you out a little. if he cared at all, he would take some stress off of you :) good luck andi hope you can figure something out.

Answer 8

It sounds to me your are doing a lot. I can relate. First you need to Set back and look at this situation. You have a 2yr. old he or she needs to come first. over whelming yourself may leave your child by himself. Go to your department of human resources and ask for help to get you and your child in a home, they can help by getting you assistance, It sounds like you are a woman who works hard and does not want any hand outs. This is not the case. They can base your payment upon your income just until you get on your feet. I am not saying leave your boyfriend but, you need to do what is best for your life. The time and effort you put in helping around his grandparents house, should be in your own home. Not knowing your boyfriends occupation but if he loves you and the baby he needs to get off his b-hind and get you out of there. If his not willing to help then you can do it yourself. You sound like a go getter and not a quitter. You just need yourself and courage. You need to do this for yourself and your baby.

Answer 9

You've told us about everything you do to help out but you don't mention what your boyfriend does. Does he help out? Does he work? If not then you need to get his butt in gear. You say the family gripes about everything but what does the Grandparents say and how do they treat you? If the Grandparents are OK with everything and are thankful for your help then the rest of the family can just kiss your butt!

Answer 10

Does your boyfriend know how his family is treating you? It is his place to stick up for you. On the other hand, his family may feel you are taking advantage of them, even if your not. It doesn't sound healthy for you to continue to live with all the stress. There must be another option. Good luck.