Should I see his mother as the competition?

Question

I am not sure if I am over-reacting or not.

His mother has always been very kind to me. However, she has spolit her son rotten! He still lives at home and she washes all his clothes, cooks his meals, whatever she can do for him, she does it!

He runs his own businesses and works all the time and he says he doesn't have the time to do stuff for himself. Which is true he rushes about from morning to night.

He asked me a few day ago to call in to the post office and post a letter for him. I refused cos i seen no reason why he couldn't drop it in himself and I didn't want to start a habit. His mother then done it.

Theres are lots of issues like this that come up. He has told me, if I didn't get up in the morning to make his breakfast, he would go to his mothers. His mother and father live right beside where we are gonna live when we get married.

He does do things for me so am I being lazy or I am right not to do every he tells me to?

Any tips how to handle this?

Answer 1

You need to handle this relationship from the beginning in the way you want it to continue.Most mother's love and will help their kids any way they can even when they are older.If you can get past your resentment of her you could probably be friends.Do not think of her as the competition though think of her as an allie. He does sound like a person who likes to get his own way all the time. are you sure you want to deal with this if you get married? You need to decide what you are willing to live with and what is not possible and make your position clear. good luck

Answer 2

Does he have any time to make babies with you I wonder, perhaps someone else would like to do that for him too.

I would just say Bye.

You are not going to change him and you will be making your own bed as they say if you go along with his wishes.

Apart from that - if he works so much say he has to earn enough money so that you can hire a maid to do all the cooking and cleaning and a PA to carry out any office related tasks like posting letters.

Tell him he must achieve this before you will even consider marriage as it is not in your agenda to rally around him like his mother does.

Answer 3

I hope you listen to my advise and run as far and as fast as you can. I know two girls who had the same problem with their mother in laws and it only gets WORSE after marriage. I know one of the mothers and she calls her son 20-30 times a day. The wife is getting ready to divorce him over this. Some mothers can't live without their sons and it is a little scary. It becomes a competition between the mother and the wife as to who can do a better job. Thank God this problem does not come with all mothers!!!!

Answer 4

Once a mummies boy always a mummies boy! I would move as far away as you can within reason. That's what I did!! We are near to hand but not so he can just pop in for breakfast!!

Don't what ever you do get married without telling him how you feel about that. Best bet is make him breakfast and not let him go to mummy!!! MIL are a nightmare as they crave the attention and often won't tell their son to get back to their wife!

Answer 5

He needs to know he can't be a mommas boy all his life And that you're not going to be his momma either. If he is ready to grow up and be a husband then he needs to grow up and be a man at the same time. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this. Maybe you can sit down with him and ask him what he expects from the relationship. I hope you find a way to get through this. Good Luck!

Answer 6

He's a mummys boy, not a real man. You need to start getting him to buck up his ideas!

Sounds a lot like a scene from Everybody Loves Raymond!!!!

You do need to tell him it's wrong how he's acting, how do you know how complimentary he is about you behind your back? How do you know he supports you if someone says something negative? Believe me, you need to tell him what it looks like to you. It's not natural and totally unhealthy for a mother do cling to her son the way she is. She needs to release him into the healthy relationship that it sounds like you have!

Answer 7

you need to nip it in the bud and fast because if you don't he'll keep running back to mom and dad and there will be 4 in the marriage and not 2 . it might help if you went to a councillor be for you got married to see if there is any underlying problems that he needs to deal with first then may be try to find another house away from the soon to be in-laws
Hope it goes well

Answer 8

He's definitely a "mamas" boy, so either accept it, or move on. Living next door to them after you're married is a very bad idea. You might want to sit down, and try to visualize a lifetime with this situation. If you can accept all of it, then I wish you great happiness; but, if you can't, you should re-think your marriage plans. You're not only marrying him, but also his family.

Answer 9

well in psychology the oedipious complex is studied. this si where boys look for qualities in ther elife parteners form there mothers. dont take this the wrong way im not saying ur like her!! but he must feel you do do a lot for him or enough to be with you, sounds like he needs to grow up a bit and realise he isnt at home anymore!!!!!

Answer 10

i don't comprehend that agree that daughters and MILs are greater extremely awkward than different in-regulation relationships. I actual do no longer agree that it extremely is in basic terms the greater youthful women human beings who reason awkwardness in that distinctive equation, nonetheless. From own journey i comprehend that my companion's mom and that i'm getting alongside in basic terms effective, thank you very lots. in spite of the undeniable fact that, she's an extremely quiet, tentative woman who has consistently labored interior the abode, while i'm just about the completed opposite, character-clever. besides the undeniable fact that each and all and sundry courtesy, care, and undertaking is there, we conflict to discover connection. My ordinary theory on in-regulation relatives, nonetheless, is this: mum and dad tend to confirm their babies-in-regulation and evaluate them to their own babies. the comparable additionally happens in opposite, the place we evaluate our mum and dad-in-regulation to our own mum and dad. this will not be something carried out on objective, or maybe consciously. the end results of those comparisons are that (back, it extremely is hypothesis), we the two savor the transformations from our own relatives to our "new" relatives and to that end we've a great, unique dating with them OR we flinch on the transformations and conflict to supply them the comparable affection we supply for his or her blood-relation opposite numbers.