I feel horrible this morning, I have two step sons, and two sons of my own. They all live with us full time and have no contact with their other birth parents. So i am mom and my hubby is dad. I am 24 weeks pregnant as well. I feel constantly wore out, im always yelling at them do pick things up, do this do that. Im responsible for cleaning, cooking, most of the errands, laundry. 3 of the boys are in school, the youngest who is 4 is still at home with me. We have to go to the laundry mat 2 times a week to wash whites, as we have well water. My hubby sits with 4,000$ in the bank and i have 1$ in my wallet. The only money i have is when my sons father sends child support each month (600) which again most of this is used to pay bills, and the rest is used to pay for things for the kids. I need to calm down, my hubby makes me feel guilty. Like this morning, one of the boys left their gloves on the bus, and i told my hubby to tell him to ask the bus driver, and he just ignored it.
2007-02-28 01:35:13 · 14 answers · asked by jess_n_flip 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
so he ignored it, but yet the other two have forgotten things as well and he rags them through the rocks until they find their gloves. I dont understand this at all. But im not a perfect parent either. I dont know what to do. I cant stop crying, am i really at fault for all of this, what can i do to make myself a better mom. I try to make sure they have everything they need but im so overwhelmed with things and kids that my head is spinning in 1000 directions.
2007-02-28 01:36:56 · update #1
Bless your heart!!! (((((((((hugs))))))))) First off, that man needs to give you money to have on hand at all times to do the things you need to do for your family. I feel like what you must do is toughen up and get a tad mean. You need to tell him that you will not tolerate this behavior from him and if he won't help you raise these kids than you're going to have to go get a job and he'll have to watch them and take some responsability for them when you're out making your own money.
Girl, you need to paint your toe nails, take a nice warm bath with bubbles and candles. You need to put on your nicest outfit and make an appointment to get your hair done.
You need to focus on yourself a bit more than you do. Take care of YOU TOO!!! You must do things to feel like a beautiful woman and when you feel like that, then you'll be more confident when dealing with your husband.
Make him WANT to do what you say.
2007-02-28 01:44:24 · answer #1 · answered by bluegrass 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as a "bad" mother in your situation. Your doing more than enough as a mother. Don't ever blame yourself for someone else's actions. The reason why you feel horrible is because you feel you have a responsibility toward's the kids which is true but whenever there's an error made, you can't always fix it nor the hubby. Seriously, you guys need to have a family meeting and discuss what's on each other's minds. Tell them how you feel and hopefully something will transpire for the good.
2007-02-28 09:51:04 · answer #2 · answered by hardworkur84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like things are way out of control and there needs to be a family meeting to discuss some changes that need to be made. You are pregnant and this stress is NOT good for you or the baby. When you sit down with everyone, have a list of things that need to be talked about. Let everyone take their turn and speak their mind and together come up with a solution that works best. Keep in mind that not everyone is going to be completely satisfied but everyone has to make sacrifices to make things work. You are not a bad mother, but yelling does not get good results (I am guilty of this myself). I find that if I stop and get on my son's/daughter's level and tell them what I want them to do in a calm, firm voice they respond better. Also, don't give them too many instructions at one time because children are easily overwhelmed. My son has lost things at school or on the bus...I just tell him that he needs to be more careful with his things. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-02-28 09:46:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it doesnt sound like your a bad mother from what you typed. You are working hard and your trying to make a good future for your children. Just relax. You sound overwhelmed but you cant cry. You have to be stronger then that. Just try to relax as best as you can. Dont sweat the small stuff. If you have a happier outlook on life then things work out better then you would expect. Try getting more organized with your kids so you can try to get things to run smoother. Good luck and just take a deep breath.
2007-02-28 16:07:04 · answer #4 · answered by xxRedRobinxx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, Honey. Be the best mother you can be and treat each of those babies like they are your own. Inspire them to be good young people and good respectable adults. I'm sure you are doing a fine job and are working hard to take good care of them. Sit that hubby down and tell him that you need to talk to him openly about some things that bother you. Tell him you feel strongly about them and might even cry during the course of the conversation but you have to let him know how you feel. If he is a good man, he will listen and help you and the family along. Good luck, and I'll be thinking about you all.
2007-02-28 09:55:03 · answer #5 · answered by MamaToFour 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's obviously a communication prob with the hubby. YOU are however NOT the prob or a bad parent. He needs to get you a washer and dryer to prevent those trips to the laundry mat--it would save money in the long run.
Get yourself a LOOOOOONG hot bubble bath with the candles all lit around you and turn on your favorite music. RELAX
Good Luck
2007-02-28 09:50:05 · answer #6 · answered by Dreamcatcher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like you both need to lay out some ground rules for displining the kids equally. Your not a bad parent...if anything your one of the few that realize something is wrong with the picture and something needs to be done. Emotionally your a mess but not becuase your a bad mom your prego. You need to let him know look our situation is we both have kids and one on the way...we need to treat them the same way I need to have just in case money, etc. Now dont talk to him on the way out to work or when you guys are both busy just when you have a second to breath. Believe me there is one in there somewhere in the day when you both are not extremely busy. Good Luck
2007-02-28 09:49:58 · answer #7 · answered by E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything that is pointing you out as a bad mother. Motherhood is very overwhelming, and probably moreso in your situation. You definatly need more support from your husband if you are going to be able to raise these 5 kids together and right. If you are not working, I don't understand how your money is not shared, and that he has $4,000 you can't have and your only income is your child support from your two kids?
2007-02-28 09:41:54 · answer #8 · answered by Mama Ro 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no no no love, this doesnt make you a bad parent at all! this sounds totally normal in fact! Your also very tired, stressed, and on edge because your pregnant. Just try and relax...it sounds like your doing an awesome job! I dont know what I would do with myself If i had 4 kids!!!
2007-02-28 09:43:36 · answer #9 · answered by Catlin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the bank get the 4000 and order a new washer and dryer... It sounds like your stressed but I think hubby is being unreasonable..
2007-02-28 09:56:08 · answer #10 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋