I just turned 21 he is 23. I know that my parents control my life to a tee. They tell me where I can go what I can do what time I have to be home when I can drive my truck and when I can't. I don't like them doing this but I'm use to it. It's their house their rules. My bf knows I'm not happy with the way things are but I'm comfortable with them. He knew what he was getting into when he started dating me. He says that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I love him to and I know he is the one I want, but I'm scared that if I move out my parents wont let me some back home if something happens between us. Actually I know they wont. Then I will be screwed. I want to be with him, but I'm not ready to move out. Not just yet.
Am I being selfish to him by not moving with him? I'm so stressed out right now he thinks I'm going to leave him, cause I'm always kinda distant cause I'm thinking trying to figure out what to do.
2007-02-28 00:32:12 · 23 answers · asked by angel2005_2001 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well that's part of life, it is time for you to be on your own and truthfully, you shouldn't expect to have a place to go if things don't work out. That's what being an adult is all about. You make decisions about what direction your life will go. The thing about making these decisions is they are not statistically predictable, no one really knows whether the choices they make will work out. If we did, then no one would make mistakes. And we can't learn anything if we do not make mistakes. That is part of growing and becoming independent. If you make a good choice, then everything is great, but don't be affraid of making the wrong one. Right now, you're just nervous about making your first attempt at real independence. At your age, you need it. Don't choose not to move in with your boyfriend for fear of what your parents will do or think. Make this choice based on the way you feel about your boyfriend and whether it will be a good decision for the direction of YOUR life. If you do choose to move in with him, just make sure that you do not become completely dependent on him. Make sure you have the ability to support yourself. Make sure you have a job and that you are productive, if you're going to school, keep going. YOU are ultimately the one that will decide you own fate, not your parents. In time they will develop a profound respect for your ability to be a independent and productive young woman, as well as your boyfriend, and most importantly you will respect yourself. Hope that helps and best of luck to you.
2007-02-28 00:51:53 · answer #1 · answered by mixedup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a very simple answer to your question: you need to be able to stand on your own two feet and support yourself before you start making life decisions like this one.
You don't say why you would be "screwed" if you move in with your bf and things don't work out. Are you still in college? Do you have a minimum wage job? What's the deal?
If you're in college, wait to move out of your parents' house until you're finished and have a good job. If you're working a minimum-wage job, consider going to college in the first place while you're still living with your parents.
If you can take care of yourself, you don't have to worry about being "screwed" if things don't work out, and won't have to stay in a potentially intolerable situation - with this boyfriend or anyone - if you really don't want to.
2007-02-28 00:50:48 · answer #2 · answered by kcbranaghsgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything you don't want to do. If you're not 100% sure, then don't do it. Your parents would probably take you back, but I wouldn't blame them if they didn't.
If you can afford it, the best thing would be to find a female roommate and move out with her. You need to have a taste of freedom in between living with your parents and living with the guy you think you're going to spend the rest of your life with.
2007-02-28 00:39:51 · answer #3 · answered by ginger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not 100% sure, do NOT move in with him. What a big mistake it would be in your life If you are okay with your parents rules, (and you should be, cause as you stated, it's their house) then that is all that matters. Do not ever, EVER rush in to something that major in your life. Are you going to school? Finish that, get a great job, be able to support yourself, before you ever commit yourself to someone else. If he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he can wait till the time is right, and until you both are 100% sure.
Good Luck!
2007-02-28 00:38:10 · answer #4 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out. It's time to move out regardless if you go with your bf or on your own. You're 21 and old enough to get your own place. Don't allow your parents to control you anymore. That time is over. You have to stand up for yourself and be someone not someone's puppet. Tell your bf you will move in with him if you two get an apartment in both your names that way he can't throw you out. Protect yourself girl. Stay strong, things will work out.
2007-02-28 00:39:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't move in with him just yet. Explain to him how you feel, that you're afraid that your parents won't be understanding. If he truly loves you, he'll accept it and wait.
If you really do want to move in with him, have a back-up plan. Save up money incase you need a place to stay later on. If you can't afford a place, try and find a close relative who is willing to let you stay with them. Good luck!
2007-02-28 00:38:48 · answer #6 · answered by closetmeateater 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all due respect, you know what to do.
You're just scared about doing it.
You don't feel strongly about moving in - which also means moving out. That's a given. You know that.
You're just uncomfortable about telling your boy friend. If he truly loves you - love is understanding the other person's point of view, their fears and their needs and yes, even their families.
You need to assert your own feelings - you need to reassure your boyfriend - you need to trust your own instincts and do what feels right.
When you're ready to move out, you'll know it. There is no schedule except the one that you create.
2007-02-28 00:37:34 · answer #7 · answered by Uncle John 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wise choice, Don't let any one force you to do something, that you don't want to do. Now take your time, and don't make choice"s because you want to make someone else happy, think of your self, and what you want, and he has to except it! Sit him down, and tell him, that yes I am not happy with the situation at home. but I do not want to create other problem"s for myself also. So at this point in my life, I hope that you can understand, that I am not ready to move in with you, I hope that you can understand, because this has been bothering me, and I want us to still have a good relationship!
2007-02-28 00:43:41 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't move in you are just asking for trouble! been there done that! He is insecure, this is a RED flag for you chica if you think your folks are controlling, just wait till you move in with him! you won't be able to pee with out him wanting to know where you are!
Stay with your folks until you are able to get aplace of your own, my advice is no roommates either, just suck it up for a while with our folks, and bite your tounge they are just trying to do what is best for you . If you guys still feel the same about each other in a year get engaged then wait another year to get married then you both will have matured a little! good luck chica.
2007-02-28 00:40:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
regardless of your parents being controlling, dont move out if you are not ready. If you are miserable at home and want to get out, save up some money and move out on your own.
2007-02-28 00:38:01 · answer #10 · answered by mlock123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋