i have been with a girl for 18months, im' 23 and she is 19. amonth ago she broke up with me, because she said i put her in a box. we also broke up beacause in a week she met someone now who is pressuring her into sex....she has an addictive personality...and is haveing trouble with dieet pills. and selfesteem issues. she cries with me but goes back to him because she is totally sependant on him....socially, and tranportation wise, he works with her....she has a problem with rejection....her father left when she was a baby.....she depressed but keeps on a mask when other people are near...how can i help her before she goes overboard with this guy and messes up her self? i know she needs to make the choices. but she doesnt know the negative effect such things can have. ..........how can i empower her to make the right decision for herself before it is too late?
2007-02-28 00:09:33 · 11 answers · asked by Huawei 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves...right now, she has her cake and is eating it too....
She has you for morel support, a shoulder to cry on, a friend to listen. She has him for sex, obviously a ride to work and to make herself feel better.
If she was seriously upset about the whole thing, she would seek professional help and honestly, find herself before trying to create a relationship.
I would suggest to her about councilling...try to convince her to be SINGLE...which also means with you....
But as I said ealier, you can't help someone who is not willing to help themselves. My sister was like your girlfriend, all depressed about life, nobody loves her, etc etc...she would constantly cry on my shoulder and I would offer her advice and she would never take it. Later, I figured it out that she liked the drama and the attention. Needless to say, I stopped giving it to her because I hate games and she has straightened herself out...
2007-02-28 00:24:00 · answer #1 · answered by Newmomofone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's lucky to have a guy like you around who truly cares for her. BUT you cannot control the life she wants to lead, she has issues that needs to be addressed by a professional and of course that is still her decision if she wants to be on therapy or not, like I said you can't decide things for her.
Best you can do is to be always there when she needs you. Not a doormat but a friend because you can't force her and dictate her of what is right for her life.
Here's a suggestion: one of my friends tricked his ex to see a psychologist. He told her to accompany her to a center where you need to bring a friend. When they got there, the psychologist was ready for her denials and he managed to convince her to open up. They didn't get back together but her ex is doing better than before.
2007-02-28 00:26:40 · answer #2 · answered by TOTALLY CONFUSED 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her that #1 - she shouldn't be dependant on anybody but herself. #2 - remind her that You are there, and keep telling her that She Will Get Hurt if she stays with that guy. #3 - If you still have feelings for her, I suggest now is the best time to be her knight in shining armor.
Where is your white horse at ? Save her! She's not just your ex-girlfriend, she used to be your Best Friend!
2007-02-28 00:17:06 · answer #3 · answered by Gina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its so nice of you that eventhough youre not together, you are still concern for her welfare, better talk to her about that, try to make her choose the right thing but dont push her too much, people with that kind of personality doesnt want other people telling them waht to do, let her make the decision, but make her understand the effect of such decision.
2007-02-28 00:21:00 · answer #4 · answered by konfuzed_baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very tough. You can't save her.
On the plus side, your "too late" fear is probably misplaced. Giving up one's virginity to the wrong guy at age 19 is something MANY women get over.
And how in the world does one get too dependent on somebody to break up with him only one month into the relationship???
2007-02-28 00:24:44 · answer #5 · answered by Curt Monash 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not longer yours to worry about. She is old enough to make her own choices, and she has. You will only push her away more by pointing out how wrong yoou think she is. Give up the lost cause caused it will only get you down/make you mad that your advice is not being listened to... Final Quote from myself actually..."People only do what they want to do, and not what others tell them, if a change is needed they need to want that change, otherwise it wonlt happen" ...cya
2007-02-28 00:16:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are a good person to try and help her.
My advise would be - just be a good friend - spend time with her and keep on talking to her.
Maybe you can convince her to seek professional help - like a psychiatrist - maybe it will help if you suggest that you will go with her.
Good luck
2007-02-28 00:16:47 · answer #7 · answered by Juanita L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to learn how to empower herself.....you trying to do that for her is not possible. I understand your concern but it's up to her to realize she has serious problems and find a way to deal with them.
2007-02-28 00:14:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
all you can do is be a friend and only a friend. she has some major issues to sort out and isnt ready for a relationship with anyone.
just be there for her to cry too or talk too but dont take it any further.
2007-02-28 00:14:06 · answer #9 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you really care about her, more than she cares about herself. She really needs counseling to deal with these pent up issues. I would talk to her about this sex issue some more and tell her the consequences.
2007-02-28 00:14:59 · answer #10 · answered by mlock123 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋