Help me, had a big argument with my fiancee yesterday..we are a beautiful couple and most of times in good?

Question

harmony but sometimes we have these very very nasty arguments that come mainly from me being insecure and getting in a defensive mood and him feeling like I want to treat him like a slave which is obviously NOT true..this is one of the things that he carries with him.
We ended up having a huge argument out of nothing and we didn't speak to each other at all today and I know we are both filled with our reasons. how can i solve the situation and help us fighting our ghosts? please help me, I am very sad, fell down. I don't want to loose him but at the same time I'd like him to understand his faults too. I ended up pushim him(this is horrible) after he called me names and yelled at me and now thinks that I am the worse one because of that action and doesn't understand that sometimes words hurts more than a push!

Answer 1

Life would be very boring if we all agreed all the time wouldn't it. I remember when I was with my husband before we were married , he's much younger than me and I felt I was dealing with child most of the time when we argued and felt very insecure afterwards which would leave me sad and miserable . Thankfully 8 years on we no longer argue very often if fact I can't remember the last time, but instead we know we can say anything to each other and it has no bearing on the way we feel about one another just that at that moment we don't agree or we feel hurt. Just let things lie for today and tonight tell him how silly you feel for having the argument in the first place as you love him very much but sometimes you get frustrated and don't know how to let him know without getting stroppy (big female fault, we are all guilty of this and we do expect men to be able to read our minds). Sometimes we have to swallow our pride, if you really love this guy and he feels the things he does ,maybe you could sit down and discuss how each of you wants to continue conducting your relationship as a constructive happy couple.
Good luck

Answer 2

It sounds like you two need to find a better way to communicate. Why do you feel insecure? Is it something from your past or is he not giving you what you need -- has he done something to make you feel insecure? When you start feeling that way you need to step back, take a deep breath and go for a walk --- never act on your insecure feelings --- and no matter what anyone says you can never take back your hateful, mean words and each one erodes away a little of your love for the other so you've got to stop it NOW. Have you thought of marriage counseling? Or pre-marriage counseling -- it sounds like an excellent idea in your case! Good luck

Answer 3

You are probably going to have a lot more of those! it is part of being in the relationship if you didnt argue then something is wrong you cant agree with each other all the time. Me and my partner have rows just like yours. I find that my bloke can be a bit insenstive sometimes and if i have something on my mind he will make some smart comment and i will then make a hugh row out of nothing. Which then gets his back up and will start being a right wanker and of course being a bloke he manages to turn and twist it into all sorts and it all gets blown out of proportion. If he loves you and is grown up, he will let this row pass and just get on with life and so will you.

Answer 4

Okay it takes TWO to argue! Communication is very important and the way you speak to one another is important.
Your insecure and Men dont like that. But If he is doing something to make you feel that way, then He needs to change. But if you are just feeling that way because you "think" he is doing something but isnt, then you need to change.
Every couple has had bad arguments, so your not alone. But when your in a realtionship you need to be mature and not be childish . Tell him you are sorry for pushing him, and maybe he will apologize to you.
Dont be selfish and think you did nothing wrong, because you and Him both did. But be the bigger person and say your sorry.

Answer 5

me and my ex are trying to give it ago again after he ended a 3 yr relationship over rows, we ended up seeing other people (been apart 3 months) but it made us both realise the things we rowed about were so silly, there are bad times unfortunatly that do come with the good, this is life but the key is to not let the bad times outweigh the good times. it took my ex seeing someone else to realise how special we had it. think of what it is your rowing about! is it really worth ruining what you have? imagion not having him in your life? how would you feel? sometimes for happiness the best thing is to swallow your pride and say i'm sorry, because if you split up you will look back on you rows and think it was not worth ruining your relationship over and things could of been so much better if you had just said those 2 little words ' im sorry'
i wish you the best of luck

Answer 6

you two need to have a good long chat hun - I know actually getting him to sit down and agree to this might be an effort in itself but its better done sooner than later - as the longer it drags on the worse it will get! you both need to approach this as adults - blame has to be left at the door - your partner sounds like he can be a bit on the defensive side so instead of giving him ammunition - instead of saying "YOU do this" why not try the approach of "WE" - that way he cant try and blame you for accusing him of things and hopefully the conversation will flow a bit easier.
nobody is perfect and he has to accept responsibility for his faults - even if he doesnt see them as being faults - if you're both to live together long term he's going to have to work on sorting them out - as are you! Ye need to talk in detail what annoys ye about each other and how best to resolve it.
Wishing you both the best in sorting this out! But remember - whats hard in the short run is always worth it in the long run!
xx

Answer 7

i'm sure you pushed him for good reason. anymore before you argue one of you should leave the room and come back when you've calmed down and then talk. you should sit down with him and tell him your sorry for what you did but you were very hurt by what he said. then the two of you should discuss what's on your minds. you can't interupt till he's finished what he's saying and vice versa then you can explain to him the reasons or whatever again without being interupted. this may help but you can't marry him if you have these problems now. get them out of the way now or else the marriage may not last very long. good luck with it

Answer 8

I would be on my own for a bit. This sounds as if you are not ready for a big committment and could do with some time out. I was like that and rushed into a marriage thinking it would all be OK - mistake, glad to be out of it now. Have some time out, it is not all your fault, be gentle on yourself and ask yourself if you really wouldn't rather be off enjoying yourself with friends instead of marrying and all this stress

Answer 9

talk 2 em nicely in a calm n sweet state...more especially at a time when u guys are having great fun..start by accepting your mistakes and tell em he had every reason to react the way he did...make sure to addmit most of your faults,then tell em ow sorry u r and tell em you will make sure 2 change 4 the best.after all this now you can still in the same state...tell em exactly ow u feel when he calls u names.