Why is my 8 year old son so rude and abusive?

Question

My son is always screaming at me, my partner and his 3 brothers.
He gets upset at anything and everything, says we hate him and that we don't love him. I have tried being nice and caring, firm and strict and of course the naughty step to calm him down. Nothing seems to work, please suggest something as i'm going mad and just want him to be happy.

Answer 1

I have a 9 year old & we have gone through same sort of behaviour problems- we found the naughty step didn't work- only added to everyone's hysteria cos child wouldn't stay there... so by listening carefully to what child said about school & friends there, we realised our child was being bullied, but didn't understand what that meant or how to cope- so anger manifested. We had to really go on at the school staff to take our child's problems seriously but eventually they agreed bullying was going on... Child much happier now, we bought a Nintendo DS i.e. something our child really wanted, that was "special", & when our child now misbehaves, we give 3 warnings, always in a calm voice (with this technique you don't need to shout to be heard or responded to!!)

i.e. "This is your 1st warning. Please don't do that... Remember, I will only warn you 3 times. If you carry on, you WILL lose your Nintendo!"

Does that work? Guess what? We have never had to remove the Nintendo! A miracle! PEACE AT LAST!!! Whew! Oh, & yeh, our child is now so happy it is lovely to see.
Hope this helps. Hang in there! XX

Answer 2

The first thing to examine is his diet, it's a known fact that some colouring preservatives affect behaviour.

If it has nothing to do with his diet, then use Reverse Psychology. He expects you to react the way u do. Just do something different, e.g. don't look shocked and don't fuss around him.

Here's an interesting story about Ancient Anger Management.
http://www.zest4best.co.uk/stories.htm#anger

Once upon a time, there was a very bad tempered child. One day, his father gave him a bag of nails and said, "Son, every time you are angry, nail one of these on the garden fence."

On the first day, the boy hammered 37 nails on the fence. That was very tiring. However, as the days passed by, he found himself having to add less and less nails everyday. He seemed to be able to calm his anger going through the ritual. He discovered that it was much less work to control his temper than to hammer those nails on the fence. Until one day, he didn't need to add any more nails. He was very pleased and went to tell his father.

His father said, "From now on, for every day that you haven't lost your temper, you are to take down one nail." As time went by, the nails came out one by one until one day there were no more nails on the fence. The father brought his son to the garden fence and said, "Well done son. I'm very proud of you." He then pointed at the holes left by the nails and said, "Let these holes remind you that, in future, it's better not to hurt your loved ones in the first place." The son could not have agreed more.

Answer 3

it sounds like your son has emotional issues that he is struggling to deal with and behaving in this manner is his way of dealing with them. There could be many reasons for him being unhappy such as bullying at school, difficulties with the home environment or a behavioural problem. I suggest that you contact your sons school and explain your concerns to them and see if you can work together in some way to help your son. Alos try taking your son out on your own for an afternoon and talk to him about things, explain that you love him and that he is an equal and you love and care for him just as much as his brothers. Give him positive comments about things that he does well as kids thrive on praise. I would also make an appoinment with your family doctor and explain the situation to them, they may recommend that you see a counsellor or that your son should be seen by a child specialist. good luck

Answer 4

I've got the same trouble too. I think they're just testing the boundaries,he's getting a bit out of hand. I don't have the solution i'm just trying my best to keep him in line. I had him when i was young so i do have the advantage of been there done that,so i'm always one step ahead of him! Remember he's only 8,maybe a bit of special treatment wouldn't go amiss,but be careful you don'y want the other 3 to start misbehaving for special treatment.Maybe just take time out and have a little chat about what he's been doing at school or something.

Answer 5

He wont be happy unless you allow him to get away with everything. It sounds to me that he's trying to run a guilt trip on you cause he knows that those are strong words and he wll get sympathy. Try talking to him but don't give in to him. Stay strong, you are still in charge. Don't let your 8 year old run your life. If you feel the need, go to a counselor. I'm pretty sure they are going to tell you that he feels he doen't get enough attention. He has three other siblings that he knows mom and dad have to look after. HE wants attention. Take time out to do something with him, but don't let it effect your other children. I think you are a strong woman, you can get through this!! GOD BLESS!!!

Answer 6

Maybe he is acting this way because this behaviour is what he sees. Maybe the only attention he gets is when he is bad, maybe nobody praises the good behaviour, or pays any attention to him when hes good, so he has learnt to be bad to get your attention. Spend more quality time with him alone, and do more things as a family. A game of kickball with the kids, more family time.

Answer 7

it is normal for your child in his age having tantrums..
i think when he starts acting wild dont gve him whatever he wants just put him in a quite place then if he is already calm try talk to your son in a nice way dont forget to tell him that you love him...
again having tantrums in his age is normal...

but when he gets really abusive as in really abusive try to observe him and if you want to understand fully what your child is going through you can go to a pedia.

Answer 8

Maybe he is jealous of your partner and the 3 brothers, i mean your attention towards them. Maybe you should take him to a doctor.

Answer 9

In all seriousness, you have suggested the answer to your own problem when you say you want him to be happy.

Decide, instead, that you want him to be respectful and obedient. Then act accordingly, every single time.

His happiness is NOT up to you; it's up to HIM.

Answer 10

if he isnt like this normally then there is something bothering him.cant he confide with someone outside the family?kids are usually naughty for a reason.