today its 11 months since the death of my mom who was the only parent remaining. i cant get out of that?

Question

i was with her in the hosp for 4 days with an 8 months pregnancy. the same day i went home leaving her with her elder sisy whohad recently come from the village, i just got i telephone call that she is no more. i couldnt attend everything coz the labour started. up to now i cant get over it. i dont believe that she is gone. am married and i wasnt living with her . please i need your humble help . (REST IN PEACE MAMA IF IT IS TRUE THAT YOU ARE NO MORE) people from the village has been forcing me to go and see her burial place but it seems i sont have that courage

Answer 1

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. It is a cliche but it takes time to grieve and get on with your life. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, and don't allow others to do the same. If you don't want to go to your Mum's burial place, say so. There is no law that says you have to, tell the villagers to mind their own business. You have to concentrate on yourself and your family. You have been through a hell of a lot in a short space of time, but don't feel guilty for anything. Would your Mum want you to feel like this? I doubt it very much, remember the good times, talk about her if you want, tell your kids about her and give yourself time and space. You will never "get over it" but it will get better with time.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 2

11 months is a short period in in grief. I lost my mother when I was 13 and it took me four years to come to terms with it. Its hard and everyone copes differently.

You need to remember two things you are loved and were loved. This special woman did not leave you alone, your baby is evidence that she wants you to go on and there is a purpose.

We tend to focus on our own pain at losing someone dear and forget that the other person (the deceased) has also lost us but only in body.

The spirit lives on. I am sure she was strong, determined, beautiful, courageous, loving and inspiring. Some traits she would empowered you with. If so, dry your tears, go and see her, say goodbye and pass the skills onto your children, friends and any strangers you may meet. You'll do her proud. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

I feel for You so much, I lost my mum only 7 weeks ago, I to can't accept that I am never going to see, cuddle or speak to her, I feel I'm on the edge of cracking up. I'm so angry. But I do go to the cemetery and I place flowers, I talk to her. I cry. But It's something that I need to do, I want her grave to look lovely. I know when it's her birthday I will take cards, flowers. The first time is the hardest. But I can't imagine my mum being there and no-one visiting, or placing flowers. It will take all your courage and strength, but It may help you come to terms with your mums death.
God bless.

Answer 4

it's still early days yet, and I think you have mixed feelings that the sad death of your mother coincided with a time that should have been joyous, the birth of your child. That's a lot to take in.
there's an old saying that "one has to go for another to arrive", meaning that a person has to depart this world to make space for another. Your child is the gift that you have, to love and nurture, as your mother loved you. Try to think of it as a continuous line - mother to child, to future child and so on.
I am very sorry about your loss but with so much turmoil in so short a space of time, 11 months is a very short time to get over this. When you're alone, speak to your mum in your thoughts. Chat to her as you would if she was still alive. Do this, often. In time you will find that you're smiling when you 'chat' to her and you will feel comforted by her. It does work. I lost my mother three years ago but occasionally chat to her photograph, especially when I am watching her favourite programme, and it's like chatting to an old friend. Be strong, grieving takes time but you DO get over it. It just takes time. Be strong.

Answer 5

My dear girl, firstly I am so very sorry for the loss of your lovely mother.
Your mother isn't "no more". She is the reason for your very existence. She is in your child. She is in your heart and thoughts and prayers.
As long as you remember her, she is still alive. I recently lost my mum too and it has left a huge gap in my life. I still want to phone her and often see things and think "Oh mum would love that".
The way I cope, is to talk to her in my head. I tell her I miss her and tell her I love her and tell her how proud I am of her.
The place of your mother's burial, is for her body alone. Her soul, her heart are with you always.
Love your mother. Mourn her physical passing. But know she has not left you alone.
I will keep you in my prayers and hope you can find some comfort in remembering your mother's love for you.
God bless.

Answer 6

I think you could go to a bereavement counsellor via your doctor, cos you still need to grieve, cos so much "hit" you all at once.

It may help you to also look upon what happened more as the start of a new journey, & that God gave you a new life to love so you would not be so unhappy.
XXX

Answer 7

my condolences for the loss of your mother and congratulations to the birth of your new baby....death comes to us all..isn't it amazing that as your mother died, your baby was born..your mother will never die, she will live on forever through you and your new baby many generations to come..that will start with you by keeping her memory alive.......I hope you do go to her grave sight because I think it will help you put closure to your mom physically not being here but I hope you know she will always be with you in spirit..when you do go I hope you think of this poem below to help ease your pain..God bless


Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

~ Mary Elizabeth Frye

Answer 8

I was only 14 when my father died of cancer & now I'm 51. It took me for ever to get over it. I still think of my dear old Dad. And wonder how we would have got on if he was still alive. If you don't want to go to your Mum's burial place, then don't go.You have to grieve in your own way and in your own time. Take care.

Answer 9

so sorry my dear. its true that you will not see your mom again and let me tell you if you morn forever she cannot be seen again in this sinful world, though it is not easy for one to loose a dear mother, precious mother, sweet mother.

let it be know to you that death is inevitable and it is a dept everybody ought to pay, your mom have paid her dept what you need to do is to pray that she find rest in the bossom of God.

i think it will be of help to you seeing the burial place of your mother it will make you come to a conclusion (realise its really true that your mom is dead). i lost my dear, loving and good father 4 months ago, i never believed that he was dead until i saw him in a casket/being lowered in the grave.

take heart and pray that God will console you and give you the mind to bear the irreparable loss of your mom.

Answer 10

i`m so sorry for you.ilost my mum almost 5 years ago and i still miss her with every beat of my heart. now to be practical. first you must go to your doctors, you may have post natal depression, but that would have got confused with your grief.DO NOT let people force you to visit her grave. that is a highly personal thing...you dont EVER have to go if you dont want to..i used to go every few days to my mums, i would just feel compelled to go at all times of day and night and would need to go. now i rarely go. but i know that my mum would rather that than have me wailing over her grave.. i know its a cliche ,but it does get easier with time. i still have bad days when all i do is cry,but now i`m not afraid to laugh,thats the best way to remember my lovely mum..and she is always with you, you only need to think of her and she will be there