i have got a lazy good for nothing son in law?

Question

he does not work lies in bed all day drinks 8 cans or more beers at night.
my poor daughter who is in agony with her back goes out cleaning every day and he never offers her any help.
if i say anything to her it will cause an argument between us as i have tried before.
they live in a flat in my home so i see every thing, they have got 2 daughters who come to me all the time complaining about their dad, my daughter even comes back home from work to take them to school and he is still in bed.
i really do not know what to do if i say anything i know my daughter will fall out with me.

Answer 1

It's a shame that your daughter doesn't have enough self worth to make her lazy husband take his share of responsibility.

What is really upsetting is that your grandchildren must be really suffering. On one parents wage, it must be difficult for them to be treated to days out. Do they complain to their dad about the situation at all?

He is hardly setting a good role model for his children, does he want them to grow up believing that they are purely menial slaves to their beloveds? Probably not.... but that's exactly what he is teaching them.

It seems that your daughter is the key to bringing about any changes in the household, unless you can use your power as their landlady?

If it was my house, they would be living under my rules, or else, leave.

This is clearly distressing you for you to put up this post, why not show your daughter the print out.

For the sake of an argument, it might open her eyes... he needs to shape up for his family, going to the doctors to check for depression might be a good starting point.

Maybe he's depressed at not living independently, but sitting on his backside all day is NOT going to change the situation.

Good luck!

x

Answer 2

It sounds like you need to "train" the lazy jerk. You and your Daughter and the girls should be out of the house as much as possible. Only come back home to sleep. Make plans to pick up the girls after school and go to the mall till closing. Go to friends houses and to the movies and long walks in the park. Join a club like Girl Scouts or 4H so you can be away from the house. Don't clean the house or do any laundry or dishes that you don't need right now. And keep a toothbrush in your car. The jerk will notice. He'll comfront. You reply "sorry, too busy, life to lead, see you after (important preplanned thing), Bye." And Leave. He'll be shocked, and confused and sad (this might manifest as anger so be careful). The moment you see anything, any little tiny thing, that he does that is good, "reward" him by being nice. For example, If he is in need of a dish and he starts the washer, thank him and talk to him pleasantly for a few minutes while you unload it for him. Then leave. When you are running through the house to get to your next social engagement, and you see him awake on the couch, looking at you, smile. Things like this will click in his head. The nice things will happen more often. Never tell him what you are doing. Never tell the girls what you are doing. Just remember the rule. When he acts the way you want even a little, you be nice. When he acts like an jerk, you be gone.

Good luck!

Answer 3

It's hard to be quiet when it's in your face everyday. This is a tough one - if you make them pay rent, or kick them out, it's your daughter that will suffer the most. I don't know if there is anything you can do other than stay quiet and hopefully your daughter will come to her senses and do something about this. It's really up to her to fix this - not you, when she has had enough she'll make a change. Just a side note - any chance her husband suffers from depression? Talk to your daughter, your family doctor can treat depression.

Answer 4

Sounds like this guy has a bit of a drink problem and is probably depressed. Alternatively he is just a lazy git.

Whatever you do you will not win so fall out with your daughter and try and kick them out. It's as the saying goes no pain no gain, you will have to be in this for the long term.

Answer 5

this is a difficult situation and it must be very hard for you to see your daughter suffer but its her relationship and her life and she is the only one who can change how things are. Clearly she must have been attracted to her partner in order to go into a relationship with him. If he was like that at the start of the relationship then its very likely that he will not change his ways however if he has gradually or recently become like this then he may have some underlying depression for example that is causing him to be like this. If its affecting your grandchildren then ultimately you should say something to your daughter, try and do it in a nice way and make it as light hearted as possible to aaoid upsetting her as a fall out between you both isnt going to help matters. good luck

Answer 6

I know the type too well. He is taking advantage of the situation. You guys pay all of his bills. He has free everything. He probably thinks, "Why should I work, I get everything free by mooching". He will never get off of his duff and get a job as long as someone else is taking care of him. More than likely your daughter will eventually get really tired of taking care of him. She will get tired of paying for the beer he drinks while she and her children do without. It's sad that those babies have to see their good for nothing father, acting like a spoiled teenager. You have two choices, you can either say nothing and let it continue because you don't want to have a falling out with your daughter or, you can tell them to get out unless he finds work to help pay for the bills. Good luck.

Answer 7

They are living with you?...well mum, your the queen of your castle......if you can't say anything to your daughter...than while she is working...make sure the slug laying in bed doesn't have a good day of it....make as much noise as possible all day everyday (vacuum sweepers are nice) until you run is lazy **** out of the house........if he says anything to you...than land his **** with what a lazy dumb azz he his....you don't have to be nice to him..he is in your house..if he wants a nice place to live than maybe he will work on getting one for himself.........and if you don't like him drinking tell him there is to be none in YOUR HOME....remember it is your house ......take charge...your daughter will wise up and lose the sucker when he becomes disgruntled....there is always the straw that breaks the camels back....be the straw...than watch your daughter get her head on straight..........make this jerks rest and relaxation hell and he will become disgruntled and aim it at your daughter.....she will fall out with him before she falls out with you....she knows who is supplying the roof over her and her children's head.....and you won't even have to say anything to her.........if for some reason she ask anything...just say "I don't know what your talking about...I have to clean my home"....

mum, there is a time that you have to think of yourself...and your sanity.....your home is suppose to be your safe haven from the world.....don't let your daughter and her worthless husband wreck it.......there comes a time when you have to say enough is enough......or you will never have a moments peace........

Answer 8

You can't say anything to her - this marriage is her choice and you will only alienate her if you try to get involved. What you CAN do, however, is try and lighten her workload as much as you can by helping out with the children, maybe taking them at the weekend so she can have a lie in, or some time to herself. I know HE should be doing this, but he's not. She may come to her senses in time, but even then, try and bite your tongue - there's nothing worse that "I told you so".

Answer 9

Have the daughters tell their mom to leave him. They won't regret the decision. He is just setting the stage for the bad decisions they will make in the future with him as a "role model". If you must... talk to her and let the fall out happen until she needs your support. It is called tough love.

Answer 10

Perhaps he feels depressed.
Maybe he feels he cannot provide for his family and feels trapped in the situation (living with his mother in law, even his daughters don't go to him for friendship, whats the point of getting out bed....)
Maybe he needs motivation.
Could you ask him to help you with something, everyone likes to feel worthwhile, maybe you could find a few chores for him to do. Offer to babysit in return, so they can go out.
As for your daughters bad back, perhaps she can find a Pilates class which may help