I've been in a long distance relationship for a while now, although we were "official" a few days ago. I feel as if I'm the one putting in all the effort, trying to get him to call me, or let me write him a letter. Something more than just chatting online. He hasn't done anything, at first he made all the first moves now it's as if I'm putting everything forth and he's just sitting there taking it. He tells me he loves me and I'm so "perfect" yet...he doesn't do anything. I feel hurt and upset and as if I'm the only one IN the relationship. I don't know if I'm over reacting or what.
2007-02-27 18:31:59 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Long distance relationships are frequently tough. Without daily face-to-face interaction, there are often assumptions, suspicions, jealousy and second guessing.
If you really do love this person, then start finding ways to close the gap. Discuss solutions and goals. If those kinds of "committment" things scare him or make him shy away, then perhaps he isn't the one for you. If he truly loves you, he will also be motivated to find solutions quickly.
2007-02-27 18:36:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a long distance relationship now and my boyfriend and I have had our arguments and such about communication and things like that. He claims he isn't the type that doesn't like the phone and what dude is really is? We're working through this and we really care about each other. If you want to make this work, you need to lay out ur expectations from him and COMMUNICATE...how else are you going to keep this relationship alive because majority of the time you'll only can connect with him through the phone, instant messenger, letters, etc, etc. Also, visiting each other is a thing we do. Like he comes up when he can take a break from his jobs and doesn't have a lot of school work, and I come back home every 3-4 weeks, for 4 days at a time, and it makes y'all bond stronger and plus it makes the year fly by quicker. So, a long distance relationship can work, but you have to be friends before lovers and trust is the key...I'm also learning that on my nice journey. My imagination can run wild, and u can't tell when somebody's telling the truth through words or over the phone, but when I look in his eyes I know that he isn't going anywhere. It almost been a year and once u make it over that all things are possible and u won't become a statistic. :)
2007-02-28 02:53:16 · answer #2 · answered by justasking09 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the next time you consider writing him a letter, or going online to 'chat' with him, maybe you need to address this, and be straight forward with him, letting him know how you feel.
He may be taking advantage of you, by thinking since you haven't said anything, and he may be a 'player', too.
How do you know he's not 'playing the field' while he's that far away from you?
It sounds like this guy really isn't serious about your relationship, though. If he were serious, he'd be making more of an effort, without you telling him to.
I would have to say, honestly, that this guy sounds like someone who knows how to use 'words' to reassure you of how he feels, when they're just words...he knows what to say to make you feel as though he cares enough about you. But its' when those words become an 'action', that makes all the difference in a relationship!
You need to re-evaluate your relationship with him and consider the possibility that a long distance relationship may not be what you want.
Think about it, and don't forget...what YOU are feeling is just as important, and you deserve the very best. I mean, if the guy isn't there to embrace you or shower you with kisses, and be there in person for you, then you'd think he would take that into consideration, being away, and using more effort to console you and comfort you, sincerely, and not just because he knows you want to hear those words!!
2007-02-28 02:38:41 · answer #3 · answered by argamedius 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not over-reacting. It sounds like you are the one putting out all the effort and you should abandon your ideas of having a long distance relationship with this person. Why waste your life being romantically committed to someone who isn't around? Trust me, I've done the long distance thing more than once, for a year or more at a time. It's not worth it. Stay friends, if you move closer to each other you always have the option of developing your relationship further.
2007-02-28 02:36:57 · answer #4 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had the same thing. I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half. He lived two hours away and I did almost all the driving to see him. I drove there once a week and stayed 1-2 days at a time. We talked everyday online after work/classes and hardly ever on the phone. Simply because it was cheaper to just chat online. We never wrote letters to eachother. When he started distancing himself from me I asked my friends what they thought. They said it soudned like another girl was in the picture. I trusted him completely so it was hard for me to believe. So then I started thinking well if it's not another girl then what is it? Turned out he wasn't the right one for me. Even after an engagement with him it turned out we weren't right. He was distancing himself because he knew in his own mind that he didn't want to be with me, but he had a lot of communication problems to let me know this. I'm not saying this is the same thing with your guy, but this is just from my experience. He started telling me he was just too busy at work etc. He spent all his days off with friends and family and never with me. That was a clear cut sign that I ignored. I hope this helps a little?
2007-02-28 02:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by Tiffany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
long distance relationships are hard because you don't really get the feeling of a true relationship. it could be ,just maybe, that he got tired of being the one to do all the work in the begining and now he's letting you do to make you see how it felt for him, maybe he felt the same way as your feeling now or it could be that it getting really hard for him to keep this long relationship going. you should really tell him whats bothering you at the moment because it could also be, not to make you feel bad but it does happen, that he's been meeting new people or realized he;s still not ready for a relationship. you guys should really talk! i wish you the best of luck!
2007-02-28 02:40:34 · answer #6 · answered by amethyst3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships that relate more to internet then to real life never work unless u are able to see himvery often . only chatting and 'saying things' doesn't do any good and doesn't help any1.
Y not try finding someone u can actually see and touch every day?
2007-02-28 02:40:16 · answer #7 · answered by booghynson 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not over reacting-it's very human to feel this way with any relationship-your best bet, is to just come out and tell him to his face.
2007-02-28 02:37:14 · answer #8 · answered by Spazz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he won't let ya call him or even write, sounds as if he a lil scared, how "official" does that feel to you? maybe the two of you need to work on it a lil more.
2007-02-28 02:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by BrownPuPPy_eyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry, but those dont work unless you have a truly amazing, deeply rooted love, more than 'a few days'
2007-02-28 02:37:20 · answer #10 · answered by joe d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋