Is this cruel of me?

Question

My ex called me the other night after not talking to me for weeks.

A little bit of background information: I broke up with him because he treated me very poorly and caused me a lot of pain. And after I broke up with him he put all the blame on the relationship on me and said that I ruined the relationship.

So the other night when he called, I told him that he needs to stop making me feel guilty because I dont think I did everything wrong and we both have blame to take and that I dont think I overreacted in breaking up with him. Then I told him all the things he did to me to hurt me and he told me that I was being cruel by telling him that he did all these things to hurt me.

Is that cruel? Should I feel bad for telling him that he hurt me?

Answer 1

no. but stop talking to this jerk, stop taking his calls, stop letting thoughts of him and the past run through your mind. focus on something pleasant and important; keep busy, take on too much work, start visiting your relatives, whatever it takes. quit poking your owies, and let them heal, you know?

I think it was great that you spoke your mind and stood up for yourself. Just don't rehash it again with him...tell him to stick a fork in it, he's done. Change your phone numbers, get new email addresses, kick him off your myspace, break it off completely. throw out all that old garbage that lays around reminding you of past hurts and impossibilities. don't be a glutton for punishment. you deserve to be treated kindly and cared for tenderly.

blessings,
cryllie

Answer 2

Nope, not cruel at all. It takes two to make a relationship fail. He hurt you and no matter what he thinks, those are the reasons you broke it off with him. He's just trying to guilt trip you into taking him back by calling you names. It's an immature tactic to get your attention. He's got you questioning yourself when you did nothing wrong. Take this as a sign that you did the right thing by breaking up with him. You don't have to justify why you broke up with him, you weren't happy, end of story. Next time he calls, don't answer. He needs to move on and go treat another girl like crap.

Answer 3

No, it's not cruel to tell him what he did wrong, but why did you wait until the relationship was over? If you tell someone that he or she is hurting you, that gives that person the opportunity to stop. Maybe he didn't realize he was doing bad things to you. People are wired differently and had different upbringings. Something that might just be a simple comment to one person, may be considered callous and mean by another. Allowing someone to treat you badly means that you are part of the problem. I wish you better luck with your next relationship.

Aloha :)

Answer 4

HELL NO!!! never feel bad about how u truly feel, if he cant except that he treated you like dog du du, than oh well, I'm sure he had plenty of opportunities to change and treat u right....his loss, not yours - Move on girl, theres plenty other guys out there that may treat u like the women u are. Men are so immature some times, and can't seem to understand, or are afraid to admit they were wrong, It's like a pride thing for them. Just go find someone who will treat u right, with respect and honesty, and integrity, it's a hard thing to find---SO TAKE UR TIME!!!! DONT RUSH INTO ANOTHER HEADACHE!!! Good-Luck, We still Love ya!!!

Answer 5

He sounds like he was a controlling guy. I think it was very strong of you to stand up for yourself. When people get dumped they need to blame the other person. I think its part of a healing process for them. There are exceptions, some people think they are the greatest thing to walk the earth. How dare someone break up with them. The fact is, the truth hurts. He didnt want to hear it and his natural reaction is to get defensive and blame you. Until he looks at himself and sees how he treats other people he will never change. You did the right thing. Dont let him get to you. Stop answering the phone and just ignore him. He will go away. They all make the promise of changing. never happens. good luck

Answer 6

Bloody Good on ya mate for finally telling him what a dick he was. As for feeling guilty dont u even think for 1 second that u should . U done the right thing in lettin him know how he hurt u.. All u can do now is pick up ur life get out and have fun and dont let him try and drag u down anymore.........

Answer 7

Not really. But a better plan here is to completely move on- stop answering his calls and emails and make a nice, clean break from someone who hurt you. You'll feel better in the end if you aren't constantly arguing and rehashing the things that bothered you. Find a better man, they're out there!

Answer 8

No, it's not cruel to be honest and not accept blame you don't deserve, what chance can he have of being a better man to his next woman if he is allowed to believe his nonsense and how is it not cruel of him to try and put it all on you? He needs to face up to his part and learn from his mistakes instead of making himself out to be a victim. You show maturity in that you didn't try to put it ALL off on him, and told him you both had blame to take. Not cruel at all Hon to stand up for yourself. Good for you.

Answer 9

It isn't cruel to stand up for yourself and tell someone that their actions hurt you. You should be commended for your actions not worrying about if a guy that hurt you thinks they are cruel. You were right in what you did. Any guy that cannot seem to think that he does anything wrong needs to be put in his place. That is exactly what you did and he just simply cannot deal with it.

amanda

Answer 10

not at all.you are right. he has no right to put the blame on you and make you feel guilty. He is doing this just to make you feel for him and go back to him. Such people are not to be trusted. If he really wants you back he should have apologised for what had happened. People with complex, ego and with less self belief will never accept and are not fit enough to get involved in a relationship.
So don worry, what u did is completly correct.