Getting that girl.?

Question

K, so I am a 15 year old boy (grade 9) and I am madely in love this girl in my grade as well. Just for background, I am extremely athletic and smart. I am very outgoing around EVERYONE except her which is getting in the way. She does not like me back but we are quite good friends. She says I am to shy around her although it seems like she is a bit shy and uncomfortable because she knows I like her. I think I need to flirt with her more but I just don't know what to do. On valentines day I wrote her a poem and gave it to her and she said she really liked it. Just recently, I was talking to her online and asked her why she doesn't talk to me at school a lot. She said because she didn't want to lead me on. That hurt me pretty bad. What can I do (say, physically do) to her that will change her mind about me? Any good flirting techniques? Feel free to email me at [e-mail]. ANY help is appreciated.

Thanks

Answer 1

Don't mind the first poster - or the other ones who don't think you have a chance.

Here's what I think...

Your title "Getting that girl", is not the right attitude in this situation. It sounds like the more you chase after Her, the more she runs away from you. Flirting = Chasing... so, it's not a good strategy. What other guys do, isn't necessarily what You shoud do. Flirting will probably make you even More Shy Around her, actually. And Flirting only works with certain types of Girls - be careful using Flirting with "traditional," "good" girls.

For FUTURE Reference, the Ideal Situation is always to make it so that the Girl Likes/Wants You, and THEN you chase her. You have to learn how to Read Girls better, to see if they are attracted to you, and THEN make a move. If they are not attracted to you, then you can make some Very Small Moves to show Ambiguous Interest. If you're getting Cold Readings, then back away. Warm means Move Closer... but Slowly!!!

She said she doesn't like you back because you are too Shy Around Her. Actually, this is a GOOD sign. It means, all you need to do is STOP Being Shy Around Her. VERY very important. (If she just said, "I just don't like you in that way," "I don't have the same feelings for you," or "You're not my type," "I just want to be friends," THEN that is a very BAD sign. Because all these answers relate to Her Own Love Feelings about You as a person in general... and these usually can't be changed. But Being Shy = Behavior, which can be changed. See??? Which means that She DOES have Some Feeling for you. If she didn't have any of those feelings, she would have said something along those Lines. This is why you always have to think more DEEPLY about what people say.)

If you want to go Deeper, you can ask yourself why she wants you to stop being Shy around her. And the answer is: because when You are Too Shy around her, this makes her feel Awkward & Uncomfortable. I think she Likes you - but She Likes the Outgoing You who is extremely athletic and smart, which, if true, Girls do find attractive (if you have no major negatives, of course). She likes that You, Not the Quiet Shy you!!!! Plus, you don't sound like the Playboy type, which is usually good (you wouldn't Be Shy, or considering Flirting). It really depends on the Girl.

So, You still have a Chance! But if you Really Like this Girl, then you have to Stop thinking about what You Want - you have to Start thinking about what She wants!!!

So Learn how to Stop Being Shy Around Her. This is what She Wants!! Do this in your Mind by seeing Her as a Friend, NOT as the Girl You Want. You have to be Outgoing Around Her just like you are Outgoing with other girls who you don't have feelings for.

Since you can't turn off your feelings On/Off so quickly, I suggest you Don't Spend too much time around her for awhile. Avoid her, actually: no phone, no online, no indirect eye contact, no talking at school. Don't go to places where you might bump into her. If you do, just say "Hi" with the same friendly smile that you give to everybody else, and say you're late for class, or meeting somebody, or whatever. Act like you're in a rush. Say a quick parting, like "I'll see you later." Just like you would to any other passing girl. Maybe for a week at least - you'll have to use your gut instinct. You have to think in your Mind, "We can only be Friends during these next couple months." This is the only way you can Stop Wanting & Chasing Her. Think of it as Taking A Vacation.

Always remember this principle: "People never know what they have, until they've lost it." Well, that's true for relationships as well. So sometimes, you have to create a situation where the other person temporarily loses something (you, in this case), in order to see how they really feel. You're giving them an opportunity to know - and for you to know.

Depending on how much she likes you, she'll probably be wondering or curious why you disappeared. She might even feel hurt. Again, use your 6th sense to tell! (You need to practice it - it's very, very useful.)You'll Definitely know when you see each other the next time you bump into each other at school. You'll be able to tell whether she's missed you or not, & happy to see you or not. If she asks where u been, say that you've been around... just pretty busy with stuff (actually, you should spend lots of time with friends, study, or sports practice, whatever).

Then gradually, over the next couple weeks, move into a "Friend" mode. You don't have to avoid her anymore. Just go about your school days naturally, not trying to see or bump into her. When you do see her, be friendly and talk a little. But don't wait around - you make sure that you go away first back to your business. If you don't see her, then that's cool, too. (This is what Friends do, too, by the way.) So in your Mind you think of her as a friend, and you also treat her like it, but you keep the Love feeling deep down inside your heart.

Use your 6th sense to see how she responds. If it looks like she's missing your company, then you have your answer! If her reaction is just neutral, then you also have your answer.

Remember, the Goal here is NOT to Get the Girl, but to Stop Being Shy Around Her!!! (You need to do this not just for This Girl, but also for all your future Girlfriends that you like & don't want to be Shy Around!!!) So, it is Very Important that when you Talk with her, to End the Conversation right before you Become Shy again. And be Funny & Outgoing - not Flirty! Personally, I favor this more "Friend" approach. You can wait a couple months to see how you both feel - you guys could feel totally differently after just 2 months. Be patient! In total, be conservative, and give yourself 2-3 months to see what happens. If you really like this Girl, it's not a long time. If by that time, things haven't been progressing, you just be Pure Friends with her, which you should be able to snap right into, because you've been Thinking/Acting like a Friend with her, despite how you Felt inside..

The Last Resort is the Caring Approach. I personally don't use it because it is a very Active Approach (similar to Chasing, but more low-key), but you can try it if nothing else works. You have to Be Caring, but not Chasing. A bit Warm, but also a bit Cool, too. The line is very, very thin. It's basically trying to touch her heart, but very softly & patiently, over a course of time. Show Caring through Words & Conversation: when you do meet her, Be concerned about what's really going on in her Life, her classes, friends, studies, family, extracurricular activities, etc. React with Empathy (you might want to read up on EQ). Choose only 1, 1.5, subject at a time, and then End the Conversation fairly quickly. Ask up about that 1 subject the next time, but with only 1 question only. Respond with Caring, literally.

And Show through Actions: for example, If she's coughing, then the next time you see her, that kind of stuff. Look at what she needs or is missing (don't ask her!), and provide it. You'll have to learn how to see such opportunities to be caring. Don't go overboard!!! A good standard to use: you Care for her more than a Friend would care, but Less than a Boyfriend. But when you show the Caring, it should still be in a pretty Cool Manner, like it was no big deal/natural to you. Don't expect any Response/Return!!! Don't even look for one. Judge your performance later, after several Acts of Caring, by how she's reacting to you - by now, you should be able to Read them without asking her directly!!!

Be care-ful with this approach, because you might find yourself caring and doing too much, & falling in love again - which is a no-no here. It's a last resort-option; but it's better than the Flirting way.

But, you'll have to use your own 6th sense to decide. I hope at least some of this was helpful for you. Good Luck!

Answer 2

ah yes i remember back in 1996 when i was just a young 16 year old in love or so i thought. i almost lost my mind over this one girl and she didnt like me back. Sometimes you have to just stick your hands in your pockets take a deep breath and let em go. I let my crush go and im better off for it. Nowadays she is fat, ugly has 3 kids and no man and lives in a little apartment downtown. You know im glad now that she didnt like me back then cause shes not even good enough to be with me now! big grin

Answer 3

This is going to hurt. but she probably is creeped out by you. Just lay low. try not talking to her at all for a while (not ignoring her). and see if she comes to you, instead of you going to her all the time.

It might be hard but its for the best. and also talk with other girls, you're not dating this girl yet, and you're still flowering into the wonderful world of highschool. (can't believe I said flowering, but its true). Take this as a learning experience.

girls need a lot of personal space, and she probably feels invaded. just back down for a while. and if she doesnt go to you, then leave her alone, you're not worth her time, and she's not worth yours.

Answer 4

haha
well first off
obviously she didnt want to lead you on
so she doesnt think of you as that
but then again people will lie to cover there a ss

that happend to me with one of my first gfs
i didnt talk in big groups
but then i invited her to my house and she said i was
well i guess more comefortable talking to just her in my house
then at school with all these people

so i say
go out with her somewhere(just you 2)
and just be real?
dont act
or just tell her
they say that if you have enough feelings for a girl that way
then she will probably feel the same way

Answer 5

Word of the wise.....

Girls are just a distrction in High School!!!!!!

I know it sounds stupid.... but it's true.... even in College.... i'm 24 years old... and I'm in college... and GUYS are the last thing I need right now.....

focus on school.... getting good grades.... doing well in sports... have fun with her as friends.... but trust me.... girlfriends are a HUGE distraction.... they are a headache you don't need!

Answer 6

it extremely is risky having intercourse with a decrease than the impact of alcohol woman in spite of while you're decrease than the impact of alcohol too. by regulation, a woman who gets in the back of the wheel decrease than the impact of alcohol and runs over pedestrians on the sidewalk can face homicide expenditures yet yet this comparable women persons can not consent to intercourse. It would not make experience in any respect.

Answer 7

She's sounds like a *****!fool dont waste our time on her!You wre kind enough to write her a poem!good luck!If you want a girl friend ihave hella girlfriends that are single!hit me up!

Answer 8

alright dude, this is what u do, we all know girls play hard to get, cause if they dont they are considered hoes,sluts, etc... i know it might be hard for you to do since you like her, but u have to try and get jealous. ignore her for a while, dont look at her in school,dont talk to her, dont talk to her online or anything, give it a week or so and see what happens, see if she trys and talks to you,then take it from there, if it dosent work then just move on, shes not worth your time

Answer 9

your perty unoriginal. girls can see that your like every other guy. some thing,s never let them know you love them coz theyll freak out, never flirt and other of those cheesy stuff. it would have been better if you met her like a friend would have met you at first place

Answer 10

well it could be that maybe she cant have boyfreinds at this time or she might have a boyfreind but does not want to hurt your feelings. trust me i tried to get too but she said she is going out with this guy that is cool.

Answer 11

hello, this girl wants you to leave her alone, you sound possessed, relax, let her be for awhile, man, you creeping me out.

she says things like she dosent want to lead you on, because she dont like you for a boyfriend and she friggin dosent want to lead you on,...get it thru your melon.