Should I tell my 4 year old daughter her 10 month old puppy just died???

Question

Our dog Koda just passed away. She was outside playing with our older dog and I left the older dog in and Koda didn't come, so I fed my baby and yelled for Koda again. Unfortunately when I went out side to look for her I found her by one of our trees dead. Cause of death is unknown. We live by a country road where people drive fast but she only had marks on her nose. My daughter is very attached to Koda and was asleep when I found her. My husband just buried her, but this is very difficult to deal with and I have no clue what to tell my daughter. She is very knowledgable and knows about heaven and death, but I don't think she has the real grasp of the whole thing. She sometimes thinks they come back, like snow white, or she can go visit in heaven. So, I am clueless, confused, and worried about what to tell her. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

I am sorry for your loss , the best thing to do here is just sit here down and tell her the truth , that is the best way to handle it .

Answer 2

Im very sorry about your puppy.No matter what age,its hard to lose a pet.Tomorrow before she asks where Koda is sit her down and say "Hernamehere I need to tell you somthing ok?Sweetie im very sorry but puppy Koda passed away/died yesterday.(she may say somthing here)...Do you remeber when we talked about heaven?Thats where he is now,in heaven.If shes crying or upset just try to console her,let her know that its ok to be sad and that you and your husband are sad too.At some point say this....You know how Koda and yourotherdogsnamehere would play togther?Well Koda is happy and playing with other dogs in heaven now,and God will take good care of him for you. (change what ever needed so that it is on her own personal level)....If she asks if he will come back or if she can visit tell her that heaven is a place she cant visit and koda cant come back,and even tho she cant see him she can always think of the fun they had together,and he will always be looking after her just like God.Even tho these idea may be a little confuseing to her,she will get the idea that he is in a nice place and even tho hes not there hes still with her,there is no true simple way to be honest without it hurting when it comes to death,as you know.Frame a picture for her of Koda,and do somthing sweet for her to make her feel better....a special trip to get ice cream,or just a day out to help her get her mind off of it....You never really know,you could tell her and she could just go about her day as if nothing is wrong....I do think she will be sad,and she will need her mom and dad for love.I know from the way you wrote you are more than willing to give that...So your in luck lol...I hope I helped,and again im very sorry about your puppy.You may want to report the situation to a vet or local animal clinic.From what you said it sadly sounds like he could have been poisioned.It could be anything,but its best to make sure its not somthing that could harm you or your loved ones or even your or another persons animal....Good luck...<3Jill

Answer 3

Tell her the truth, this is truly the best policy with a child. If you start lying to her now about important things, when will you stop? If it were a grandparent would you lie about that and deny her going to the funeral? Of course not. She will deal with the death and eventually move on, where as if you lie to her, she'll always have a hope that Koda is coming back.

Contrary to what is written above, you daughter likely will remember this later in life and how you handled it. I remember my grandparents' funerals more vividly than my mother, and it was her parents. I was 4 for the first and a year later my grandfather died. I can tell you about things I did with them when I was two. NOT retelling stories as they are not things that anyone else remembered well until I started to talk about it. I feel sorry for the person who doesn't remember their early childhood, but I remember learning to read, tie my shoes, watching cartoons, all before age 5.

Answer 4

you need to tell her the truth. This is the time that most children learn to deal with death. Explain she was hurt and dies and went to heaven. That she will not come back and explain that it is sad and okay to cry and that you will all miss her. Let her talk about it and ask questions and give her a photo of the dog to put in her room. This is what I did when our dog passed away in November.They still talk about her and what she will be doing in heaven. And if people say dogs don't go to heaven then that is your belief. I know my dog is there. Why would God not want them there?

Answer 5

You should tell her gently. She is definitely going to cry but it's better to tell her the truth. Explain that Koda went to Heaven and is very happy now and that Koda wouldnt want her to be sad. She will probly be a little down in the dumps for a couple days but its best that she knows.

Answer 6

yes, keep it simple as possible, tell her that he got sick or got hit by a car and went to heaven. tell her how happy Koda is now and how safe he is . Tell her that Koda will be greatly miss a lot and everyday she can draw him pictures and put them on a wall just for him. This will help her transition and eventually there will be a day where shell forget to draw a picture or wont feel like it. let her cry... its important for her to let it out. then try to make her feel better with icecream or something she enjoys. best wishes and I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

Let her ask. Don't volunteer. Keep it simple. Tell the truth. Children remember when you tell them lies or half truths, it undermines their trust. Don't get too upset death is part of life. I don't know where you live but I lost a dog a few years ago from a widow bit. You are right in the country you just never know; snakes, creepy crawlees. Good luck.

Answer 8

I agree with the others - it is important you tell her. She has to learn about death someday. Children need to learn to value life and cherish it in both life and passing. Honesty is always the best policy and she will probably be more at ease with knowing the dog is forever gone than waiting for it to return if you tell her it ran away etc.

She might not grasp it fully now but in time she will, and she will learn how to grasp it from this very example.

Sorry to hear about your dog.

Answer 9

There's a great book called: The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" and it is how to handle the death of pets with little ones. I used it when I was teaching all the time.

Answer 10

OMG do NOT dig up the dead puppy!!! I cannot believe someone would suggest doing something as morbid as this. Are you for real?!?

I wouldn't tell your daughter that the puppy got sick because she may think next time someone she cares about gets sick that they are going to die.

She is so young, be gentle about what you tell her. I think it would have been traumatic for her to see the dog dead. You don't want her thinking you gave her beloved pet away either. I'm not sure what to tell her. But I just wanted to shame the person who posted that you dig up the dog. How sick. I wish you luck.

Answer 11

yes you should have included her in the burial of puppy
why do parent shelter children from the natural facts of life its really no wonder that we have so many people that just can't cope with any sort of problem or grief
not trying to be mean but kids are very on to it and it just seems strange to me that we tell them so many utter lies but don't tell them the truth when it counts - we all die so what would you tell her if it was daddy that you just buryed?