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Our dog Koda just passed away. She was outside playing with our older dog and I left the older dog in and Koda didn't come, so I fed my baby and yelled for Koda again. Unfortunately when I went out side to look for her I found her by one of our trees dead. Cause of death is unknown. We live by a country road where people drive fast but she only had marks on her nose. My daughter is very attached to Koda and was asleep when I found her. My husband just buried her, but this is very difficult to deal with and I have no clue what to tell my daughter. She is very knowledgable and knows about heaven and death, but I don't think she has the real grasp of the whole thing. She sometimes thinks they come back, like snow white, or she can go visit in heaven. So, I am clueless, confused, and worried about what to tell her. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

2007-02-27 15:45:09 · 25 answers · asked by persethany 1 in Pets Dogs

25 answers

I think it is very sad that you would consider telling your child anything other than the truth, especially since she knows of these concepts. If you tell her she ran away, she is going to expect you to look for the dog, and she will be waiting for the dog to come home, can you deal with that knowing what really happened. The "we gave her to an old couple on a farm to make them happy" is not going to win you any favor or make her feel better either and the very thought is going to sound stupid even to a 4 year old. The one thing I can't forgive my parents for is lying to me about the death of 2 of my dogs. It made me question many other things they told me, and from the age of 11 on I had a perfectly good answer to the "why would we lie to you" and "have we ever steered you wrong" questions parents like to use as leverage. Pets teach young children many things about life, death being one of them. You should have let her be a part of the burial, but its too late for that. No matter what you tell her, it is going to hurt, but if you tell her the truth, it will only hurt her now and not come back to bite you all later. Telling her a lie this young is setting her up to learn not to trust you. Kids are not stupid, do you think she won't notice the freshly dog spot in the yard? How will you explain that? You are going to have to lie on top of a lie. Just be honest with her and tell her you think the dog got hit by a car.

2007-02-27 16:10:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

I am sorry to hear about your puppy, Koda. Yes you do need to tell your daughter. She will wonder where her pet is and if you are not honest with her it will undermine her trust in you. If you let her think the pup just went away she will want to search and search and will grieve far longer. If you make up something like God needed a little dog she will understandable be very angry with God for stealing her dog.

You know your child but probably the best thing to do is in the morning after she is awake take her in your lap and tell her "something very sad happened last night. Koda didn't come when I called her and when I went to look for her she was dead." She will be upset. She may be angry. She may even deny that it is true. She'll ask why and the best answer is that you don't know. Sometimes bad things do just happen. You can show her where her pup is burried and encourage her to perhaps plant a flower or put a bird bath or something on the spot for a memorial. If you have pictures of your pet she may want to make copies of them and write a short story with your help like a Koda memory book. She probably will ask when Koda is coming back and bring this up from time to time so you will need to be gentle and patient with her. It is OK to let her know you are very sad too. She may ask if she did something to make this happen and need to be reassured that she did not, She is 4 so it will come up again and again and she will ask questions. That is normal. The less emphasis on it having been while she was asleep the better and please do not tell her Koda went to sleep and can't wake up. That could lead to bed time tensions that you and she don't need. Be prepared for her to be a bit extra clingy. Many children are when they are dealing with a big loss and for her as for anyone who loves a pet this is a big loss, bigger for her perhaps because it may be her first time dealing with death of someone or something she loves.

2007-02-27 16:02:56 · answer #2 · answered by A F 7 · 3 0

I read the other answers before I decided to answer. I think that if you go with A F's answer you will be doing the best for your daughter. It is always better to tell our children the truth from the start. However, remember she is only 4 and try to keep things on her level. As in - My sweetie, Koda has gone to heaven. She is in the most beautiful place there is and she will always be happy. Even though we can't see Koda anymore she will always be with us because we can still think of her, love her, and keep her in our hearts forever. Then when she asks questions answer them the best you can. Also, allow her to cry if she needs to. Even for one so young crying is the best way to release emotional pain.

I will pray for you and your sweet daughter. You may never know what happened to Koda, so don't pay any attention the the people who think it is their role in life to chastise people for things they really know nothing about. Right now your first priority is your daughter.

God bless you both and I know Koda is looking down on you now and is happy as can be.

2007-02-27 17:35:23 · answer #3 · answered by fishergirl 3 · 0 0

Tell her that Koda died. It would be horrible to lie to her about that. You'll have tons of guilt. Jus t tell her about how Koda had a good life and tell her the good things about Koda going to heaven. What I mean is not like, now we have more time to go on vacations. Tha would just make her cry more. Tell her that heaven isn't such a bad place. Tell her that Koda won't come back but Koda will always be with her. I hope that helps!

2007-02-27 15:51:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3 0

Well I would set her down and talk to her about it. She is going to realize that the dog is not there anymore. Just tell her that Koda is in heaven, she is chasing the squirrels or birds (whatever she likes to do). Tell her that Koda will come back, but not as Koda. Koda is her angel

2007-02-27 16:18:55 · answer #5 · answered by piggylover_850 4 · 0 1

Well, you can't lie to her. She'll figure it out sooner or later and get mad at you for lying. So don't say that you gave it away. Just tell it to her, but indirectly. Dont go up to her and say. "honey, Koda died." she will cry indefinitely. just remind her of heaven, give her similies, and metaphors that she'd understand; like snow white as you said. say that koda will always be with us. she will cry because she will be attached and I know that dogs like that cannot be replaced, so I hope that this info is helpful.

2007-02-27 15:53:34 · answer #6 · answered by enzo32ferrari 3 · 2 0

It makes me want to cry,tell your daughter Koda went to Heaven.

2007-02-27 15:48:43 · answer #7 · answered by Sabrina T 3 · 2 0

I would not leave my dog outside alone. I live in the back of a small apartment complex. That puppy was too small. I feel sorry for you> I would tell your daughter, that Mommy left the dog out at the wrong time, a car probably hit the dog and the dog could not tell Mommy what was wrong...and the dog died and went to Rainbow Bridge. Rainbow Bridge is a "place", just outside of Heaven where all dogs and cats go when they die and they wait for their Masters to come.....and then they go into Heaven together. You got me crying now.

2007-02-27 15:56:52 · answer #8 · answered by regwoman123 4 · 0 2

Tell her the truth, 4-year-old sized, and let her questions guide you further.

"Honey, I have some bad news. Koda died." Go from there.

2007-02-27 15:51:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4 0

whatever you do, do NOT lie. thats horrible. if she knows about heaven and death, tell her koda went to a better place. maybe buy another pup in a few months.

2007-02-27 15:58:17 · answer #10 · answered by nikkijo47 1 · 1 0

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