Should I go to my high school friend's engagement party?

Question

I'm 26 and haven't seen him in 4 years. We were pretty good friends in high school and had some classes together, but he started dating this girl I confided in him I liked right after I told him, and he rubbed that in my face a lot so towards the end of high school we weren't quite as good friends.

I'm not very social at all and am still living at home and getting licenses to help with my family business. I don't go out with anyone except my family members and a few close friends.

I've never been to an engagement party and don't know if I'm going to know anyone there, what to wear, or what you're supposed to do.. I also don't drink alcohol, which it says will be served there.

What exactly would I do if I went there? I went to a cocktail reception a few years ago and I feel very uncomfortable standing around having small talk with strangers. Would it be considered rude to send him a gift and a card instead? I'm afraid of sitting at a table looking down the whole time.

I've gotten a lot of great responses. So far not one person thinks it would be rude if I should go, but that I might consider going to be more social.

Just to clarify, we were best friends almost the entire time in high school and went to each other's houses, went bowling, to the movies, worked together in school, etc. The only contention was what he did with the girl that I confided I had a crush on for many years but was always afraid to say anything.

No, he's not marrying her, but she might go to the engagement party. I've never heard of or seen the girl he's marrying.

Both my parents think I should go because we were best friends and its nice to be there for your friend's big moments.

Every time I think I've made a decision and try to pick up the phone I feel like I'm making the wrong decision.

Answer 1

I'd say don't go. Yes, it's mostly a cocktail party. You will be uncomfortable.

Also, if you've haven't seen him in 4 years and when you confided in him that you "liked" him - he used it against you. That was so mean of him to treat you like that!!!!! That reason alone would make going to his engagement party uncomfortable.

So why did he invite you to his engagement party? Because he's fishing for wedding gifts or a card with a check in it. He totally doesn't expect you to show up. He's expecting you to decline and send a gift. A lot of people (but not all) using weddings and engagement parties as a sort of "fund raiser" for themselves and invite everyone they ever knew hoping to get a little "something" even if it's only a gravy boat or a check for $25.00.

Which you also should NOT send to him, since you haven't seen him in 4 years and because he was so inconsiderate of your feeling when you told him you liked him. These types of events are for family and close friends (close friends in his life right NOW, not "former" close friends from 4 years ago). Which you are not. I think the only reason you were invited was so he could get a gift out of you.

Me: (I'm a different person) I'd go, enjoy myself, meet other people, drink and eat a lot and just bring a card wishing them "good luck" with no check inside.

You: shouldn't go or send a gift or a card. Just a phone call saying: "Thanks for thinking of me, but unfortunately I've got other plans that day. But good luck to you and your fiancee - I wish you a happy life together."

Answer 2

The answer to this is to ask yourself what you really want to do. You said you aren't very social and don't go out much. Are you happy that way or would you rather be more social? If you are happy as you are, that's perfectly fine. You could give him a call and congratulate him, tell him you wish you could attend but you already have plans (or have to work, etc) on that date. I'm not sure why he tried to contact you after 4 years but try to give him the benefit of doubt here, people can change alot in 4 years and maybe he has matured and is trying to reach out to you. If you do want to venture out in the social world a bit more, this could be just the perfect beginning for you. Ask him if there is anyone else from you shared past that might be there, it would help to know that there is someone you will know. If there isn't anyone, don't worry about the small talk stuff, just remember this: the one thing everyone likes to talk about is themselves!! Too much usually. And everyone LOVES a good listener. Don't be shy in the corner waiting for people to come to you, make it a goal to talk to three new people, ask them something about themselves and the conversation will just start flowing. Don't stay with one person too long, move around a bit so you don't get in a rut with one group.It doesn't matter that you don't drink, that's actually a good thing if you're nervous. If you were anxious and started drinking "for courage" you might act badly and not as you really are. If others are drinking, that's their business and actually it can be very enlightening sometimes to sit back as the sober one and watch (and listen!) to all the others act foolishly. Plus you feel ok in the a.m. and they don't. Good luck to you with whatever you choose to do!

Answer 3

I don't think he is such a good friend but that is only up to you. If you want to get out more and party go for it. You may meet someone that really is interested in you this time. By the way is he marrying this girl you told him you liked? But sending a gift and card is not rude. I think he just wants you to be there to share in his joy the way you two use to hang out I am only guessing but of course it is up to you. You should never go anywhere and stare at the floor. You don't have to drink to have a good time but staring at the floor is out of the question...dance and mingle...you don't have to hold meaningful conversations with strangers...just mingle around and get a feel for the room. Have some confidence you are starting in your family business many people would kill to have their own business and not work for anyone...you have that and you will be great...just remember that. YOU are special and anyone who doesn't see that - that is there problem and there problem alone.

Answer 4

I would understand your indecision if you were still good friends with this person but your aren't. Don't place yourself in an uncomfortable position unnecessarily with a person with whom you've not had much contact. It wouldn't be rude to decline and a gift is not necessary for an engagement party (even though it would be a very cool thing to do).

It seems that you are thinking about going as a way to expand your social circles but there are better ways to do this. Take a class (cooking, automotive, gym, whatever spurs your interest). Engage in supper nights with your close friends with each person being responsible for bringing a different dish and a guest. Whatever you choose to do ought not be pressured filled -- like a former friend's engagement party. I hope this helps!

Answer 5

fw is right. you are not close to this man anymore and have not been for some time. he invited you for the gifts. even if you do show up, there will be a few cheap hor'dourves and a pay for your own drinks bar and a ton of people who you dont know. this is mostly a prewedding fundraiser. he wants a gift from you, thats why he invited you. he doesnt care if you show up or not as long as you send a gift or money. you're parents are stupid for telling you to go when you havent even seen him in 4 years. you are 26 and havent seen him since you were 22. do u no how much people between those ages change? he wont be the friend you once new. he will be a stranger. not to mention his real friends and family that are part of his life now will be there, and he will spend most of his time with them because they are a part of his life and you are a part of his past. at best you will get a hi, thanks for coming, good to see you, the basket for the envelopes full of cash and checks is over there. have some pizza bagles and a glass of wine from the bar over there, by the way, you have to pay for your own drinks, because we need to save money for the wedding, wich you wont be invited to by the way, since the wedding is way expensive and for my current friends and family, not my former friends from high school. dont be so stupid! you must still like this guy if you are willing to be such a sucker. you dont even know the bride! dont you think this is weird? if you were getting married would you invite exboyfriends or friends from high school that you havent talked to in 4 years who you knew had a crush on you? I hope not. dont be stupid fool! dont go, he wants your money or some gifts from you. even if you were stupid enough to go, you will be invited to the bridal show so they can get more gifts from you, and then he will not invite you to the wedding because he doesnt want to pay for your dinner, and you will be taking up a seat that someone he really wants from his life now could be sitting at. dont be stupid! he doesnt really want you there - he wants your gift. lewis k made a good point too. in 2 years you will have you 10 year reunion, you can see him there for free! with no social pressure to bring a gift or to give him money. i can belive youd be stupid enough to pay him to see him. where was he all these 4 years? now he has a big, expensive event in his life and he calls u? you are so stupid if you go or send gifts. geeze - just pick an answer already. what are you waiting for, someone to answer that will say go to the engagement party, as soon as he sees you he will realise what a fool he was and fall to his knees and proclaim his love for you. get real. the guy was a creep in high school and hes a creep now for inviting you for your money. dont be stupid and make a decision already. dont go and dont send cards, gifts or money. what so hard about that? hes not a part of your life anymore. get over it. he was trying to use you. if he was a real friend, youd have been in his life for the past 4 years but you werent. can i spell it out anymore clearly for you? he doesnt want you there to share his happiness, he wants you to share your wealth.

Answer 6

I agree with other posters. If you're not really good friends with him anymore, just send him a gift and a card, or a gift card. Four years is a really long time to let a friendship go. If he really was your true friend, maturity aside, he wouldn't have been rubbing that you liked him in your face. I'm not saying be mean by any means at all.
Does he like to hang out with people that you're comfortable with? If you're not comfortable around them, consider that in your decision. Good luck!

Answer 7

I have read your whole question including your additional information. The only answer to your question I agree with is the long reponse from user "fw". I was going to say basically the samething. You "were" best friends, but not anymore. "fw" is right. He's looking for money and gifts. If you want to see him again that is what class reunions are for. And you won't feel obligated to open your check book or purchase something off of their registry. "fw" gave the best advice tho, so I'm not going to repeat it.

Answer 8

First evaluate: Do you certainly should be a bridesmaid? From the sound of issues . . . properly, it variety of feels very disorganized with little or no coordination between sister and her fiance. in my view, i does no longer decide for to be a bridesmaid if it is going to be a disorganized mess without attention for the emotions of others. a million. Sister and/or her fiance should not be information superhighway hosting an engagement social gathering for themselves. basically because it rather is impolite for a bride to host her very own bridal bathe, it rather is impolite for the couple to host their very own engagement social gathering. 2. the undeniable fact that grandma and aunts would be out of city? confident, that could desire to be seen. 3. Engagement events are hosted by skill of kinfolk . . . mum and dad, grandparents, older siblings, now and back aunts and uncles. The social gathering is held presently after the couple decide for to wed. The social gathering is used to "announce" the engagement to close acquaintances and kinfolk. in the event that they have already been making plans the marriage for a year and actual anybody is familiar with it, an engagement social gathering isn't suitable. it rather is present-grubbing on their areas and intensely grasping. 4. in case you nevertheless decide for to be a bridesmaid, then bypass to the social gathering. yet please attempt to step back and shop faraway from their making plans as much as a hazard. If it have been me, i does no longer decide for to be blamed in any way for the disorganization or for any of their etiquette blunders.

Answer 9

My answer is no. Don't waste your time on the chance that it might be a pleasant experience. Go to a good movie and have a positive good memory . It beats me why you are invited in the first place, these clowns must have a perverted sense of humor.

Answer 10

I don't think it would be rude not to go, but I really think you should consider going. This guy was a big part of your life growing up and he is making an effort to include you in a major event in his life. besides you need to get out more and experience life you never know what you could be missing out on.