How do I stop being obsessed with my girlfriend's best friend and sister?

Question

I have a little problem. You see, I have been going out with my girlfriend now for a year and two months, and I love her with all of my heart, as she does me. But when we first started dating, we had a couple of milestones to set. She was a virgin, but she fooled around with her friends – who were female. There were two of them, and one of them always tried to seduce her whenever she got the chance. For the first few months of our relationship, we all fooled around together. In essence, it was a foursome. I couldn’t complain. But it started to change when she said she didn’t want to stop since it was going on since before me. I said that it was ok, and the next time she slept over at the other friends’ house, they fooled around. Now, fooling around – just for the records – means fingering and cunnilingus, as well as just “fooling around”. You know, experimenting or whatever. She told me of this, and I felt betrayed and sad. I don’t know if I did it to test her or be nice, but I didn’t like what happened. Especially since her friends could make her come but I couldn’t. There were a few times when we all masturbated in the same room, and one of the last times was the hardest because I was starting to really dislike it, because I love her so much. My girlfriend’s sister was there a few of the times as well. She has heard me and seen me – all of me – and so has my girlfriend’s friends. On my 18th birthday, someone had the idea to play spin the bottle. I was the only guy there, with the exception of a friend – and ex-short-time-boyfriend of my girlfriend’s. So we played, even though I really didn’t want to. In total, there were 5 girls and 2 boys. I should have felt lucky. Maybe I did. Until the game progressed, and my girlfriend started biting, making out with, and doing erotic things to her ex-boyfriend. Now mind you, I had kissed her best friend, but not to this caliber. I had kissed her sister a few times, just lightly. But when I saw that, I needed revenge. The bottle landed on her best friend – who had wanted to go out with me before, but I chose my girl instead – and I can’t help but think I influenced it to land there. When it did, I leaned in and viciously made out with her, and did some other things a few times – like kissing the chest, nibbling the ear, you know – romantic/erotic stuff. My girlfriend gave me a look that could have killed a lesser man. But when we realized what was going on, and the bottle landed on my girlfriend the next time, I tackled her and she loved it. She tackled me back, too. But when I had kissed her friends all those times – and all were known to like me, except her sister (whom I had suspicions about – but she didn’t even kiss back), I liked it at the time. The friends loved it, and my girlfriend bragged about me being a good kisser. But that night was the end of it. Before, she was talking to her ex-boyfriend about covering him in chocolate and licking it off, and doing a bunch of nasty stuff – and it was my birthday. I sat in the laundry room, depressed. She said she was speaking for her friend that liked him, like she was the friend – but that’s just not something to say, especially on your boyfriends birthday, and at the party. But after that, she didn’t fool around with her friends anymore, and neither did I. She promised me that she would stop, and I was happy. There was one incident where her friend kissed her (I heard it) and she said she kissed her for a minute before feeling like it was wrong, then she backed off and distracted her friend with her breasts before turning her over to her other friend, who were all sleeping together – and still do, sometimes. I ask her about this now, and she barely remembers kissing her then, regardless of how long she did. That friend still tries to seduce her, but she never gives in anymore. I don’t want her to sleep over at her house anymore, either. But the time passed, and the last incident was in the fifth month of our relationship, but I started becoming obsessed. Here is where the problem starts. I don’t know what it comes from, either wanting revenge or the memory of before, or even something like cabin fever – since I’m stuck at home every day without a license. But I started becoming obsessed with her best friend – who doesn’t really look better than my girlfriend, but has a nicer toned body – and her sister, who is a year younger than her. I don’t know what to do. I have tried everything, it seems, but its like the thought won’t go away, and its not even a real thought. Her sister has given me some signs of liking me, and I can’t help but notice and be attracted. She does weird stuff – flirty stuff – like backing into me in the hall when we walk down it, sticking her butt out. She kicks me in the butt constantly, gives me the “look” sometimes and sometimes I can feel that when we are sitting or standing close to each other, she means to be so close and tries to get closer. Once, she was kneeling on the floor facing me and my girlfriend (who were sitting together on the couch). There was an entertainment center behind her, with all sorts of reflective surfaces. She pulled the back of her pants down, not affecting the front, and scratched at something for a second – which I caught in the reflection – and then she glanced quickly at me, kind of telling me that she meant for me to see. Just the other day I was helping her with her myspace, and she started kicking me in the butt, and I kneed her in hers. It was all in fun, but it felt like more. Then, she tried to get all up in my face – which I was scratching – and she ran into my hand. As she did this, I felt her lips sort of kiss it. I just looked at her as she looked at me, and smiled. Then I was sitting at the computer later, and she came over and sat on my lap. My hand was under her for a second, but I extracted it slowly and put it to the side of her, kind of on her leg. She got up a minute later. Stuff like this is just driving me crazy, because I never used to have real friends, and my mother never mothered me. She tried, but she never loved me like a mother should. I never hug her, let alone kiss her, just because I never did. I wish I could and feel ok though, because I feel like I missed something. But I don’t know if this is just like a friend thing, a sisterly love thing, or if she is interested in me – because lately, I have been more and more obsessed and attracted to her and my girlfriend’s friend – the one I made out with. I’m not planning anything, and I don’t want anything to happen, but I can’t help but fantasize sometimes. I never want to be with anyone else but my girl, and I would never cheat on her. But this stuff is getting to me and distracting me from her. Not that anything would happen, but you know the deal. What should I do? I want the wanting to stop.

Just as a note - I was 17 when this relationship started and my girlfriend 15, and her friends were 16. Her sister was 13, and I barely noticed her then. I had gone through a bad breakup, and that contributed to it all. But when time went on, her sister seemed to come on to me more and more. I couldn't help but be attracted, and her best friend was doing the same (because she wanted to date me), but nothing bad ever happened. I won't do anything either, it just works its way in and gets to me (e.g. attracts me and distracts me from my girlfriend) when they do stuff they don't even know they're doing and probably can't control. What can I do to stop it?

For the record, I have trust issues, basically. Since those problems, I have felt less trust for her than anyone. Maybe because I feel like she is the only one in my life I love, and my mother instilled distrust on me, but how can I assure myself I can trust her, and she can trust me? After all that, it has been hard. We plan to marry one day, but we must get past that first.

Answer 1

Lmao alrighty you gf's sister is into you she wouldn't be you know sending little hints out if she didn't. So therefore she likes you now if you really and truely love your gf you've got to get this out onto the table like I tell everyone else communication is everything in a relationship without it there is no relationship. Second you've gotta let this girl know that you can't like her in the way you do with your gf. You have to tell her to stop the nitty gritty stuff aka sitting on your lap, doing all those other small things she's doing, and tell your gf the truth they are driving you up the wall. And be sure to let your gf know how much you love her and all that good stuff. Third if you're taken you shouldn't let that stuff get to you mainly you've gotta learn to ignore it and if she keeps it up just start making out with your gf deeply.

Other then that thats all i've got you jsut have to tell your gf

Answer 2

When you have one of those 25% chances when her friend is not with her, you need to sit down with her and explain in simple words that while you respect that she has good friends and that you don't completely mind them, you do like her too and you want to have some alone time with her. Ask if she's uncomfortable being alone with you, especially. It might be key. And if bad comes to worse, find a guy for this friend of her's. Double dates could work until the friend gets attached enough to this guy to leave you and your girl alone for a while.

Answer 3

To be completely honest I only got past the first paragraph. But if you LOVE a girl, you shouldn't have 3somes or 4somes, period. Love ties in with emotions, and when you venture into multiple partners without setting some guidelines, and establish some boudries you can't just jump onto that bandwagon. The best thing you can do in a relationship is be completely honest with yourself, and your partner(s). Voice your opinion and if they person that says they love you truly does then you need not worry, everything will work out for the best.
Love is strange and it comes in all shapes and forms, just be real, and you will have no regrets. Good Luck, Buddy!

Answer 4

Focus on something that takes your mind off of the situation. If you're with these people for whatever reason make sure there's NO WAY contact like you mentioned can happen. Keep your mind focused on something else and off the people.

Answer 5

Whoa,,,, I need a cigarette,

Well nothing is going to change unless you change, don't put yourself in the situations get up walk out, leave the area when it gets to hot. get your own place, do things with out the crowds, ween your GF and yourself from the "family"

Get Married and move away...... go to college... join the Air Force, Marines, become a man...............

Or get a bottle of chocolate syrup and invite the family over for some chocolate tacos, and tape it I wanta watch.

Answer 6

Talk about a bad Penthouse Forum letter. Describing incest and everything else in this letter is really creepy.

Dump your girlfriend, but be warned that most girl's best friends and/or sisters won't touch their ex.

Answer 7

Geez.

And you are so young?

Honestly?

I think you should dump your girl friend. Take a break and date a girl you like without fooling around with her sister.

Try and stick with one who'se old enough as well.

Answer 8

Without playing games, don’t be available 100% of the time or let your life be an open book. A man that comes on too strong or doesn’t have outside interests will scare a woman away just as much as it would if the circumstances were reversed. Read here http://AttractAnyWoman.emuy.info/?4X3B

Women don’t want to feel as though they are completely responsible for your happiness and that is what it feels like when the other person has no outside interests. Men who are overeager or jump when the woman says jump are the ones who are more likely to end up in the friend zone. This doesn’t mean that you should play the game of not calling for a few days; it means that you should set healthy boundaries until you both naturally find a spot for the other in your lives.

Answer 9

you defiantly got to much time on your hands, first thing you should do is let your girl read this, and then get started on your first novel cause i can see you really writing after that break-up

Answer 10

what was ur question again? i lost train of thought