can somebody give me a HALARIOUS sex joke?

Answer 1

lmao....i got some posted in my Q/A...feel free to browse and see....have fun..:-)

Answer 2

A couple had just gotten married and they were both really shy so they called sex "making the laundry".

So they made the laundry that whole night.

And 30 minutes later they did the laundry again.

And again .

The wife by this time was getting tired and when the husband asked her to do the laundry she said no.

Later she felt sad and asked her husband if he wanted to do the laundry still.

He said
"No it was a small load so i did it by hand"

Answer 3

Scott took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Mary?" asked Scott.
"I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale, it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Scott again asked Mary what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Scott lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to go next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Scott figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Mary responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy, he just wouldn't way me.

i was laughing a really long time after that.

Answer 4

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ***!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Answer 5

Purchase a book "Kamasutra"

Answer 6

Q: Why do blondes where hoop earrings?

A: So they have a place to rest their feet!

Answer 7

You know you are old when your spouse says to you, "Let's run upstairs and make love," and you say, "Okay, pick one."

Answer 8

IDK if it would be sex related, but it could be referring to the grandfather.

A boy goes up to his grandfather, and says," Can I have $5?"

The grandfather replies, "What do you want with $5"

The boy says, "I want to go buy a Guinea Pig"

The grandfather smiled, scratched his head, put his hand deep in his pocket and pulled out a $10 bill. He says "Here's $10 now go find yourself a nice Irish girl"