My daughter turned 18 in Jan. We adopted her at 5 yrs. She has been such a joy to us and the light of our life. She left us and her siblings yesterday because the boy she wants to see and his parents said she could live with them. What makes a person completely turn against the family that has loved her so much? He 8 yr old sister cried until her eyes were so swollen. She has hurt us so much. By law I can't do anything about it so what do I do, just forget her? How do you loose someone that has been so important to you? Our family is Christian and she grew up loving God with the goal of being a neo-natal nurse. She has now tossed it all away for a kid that has a bad reputation. Someone please help me understand this. If you're a mom and have been through this please answer me. Please, only serious answers. My heart is broken.
2007-02-27 14:35:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She's young and rebelious and if you were the good christian you profess to be you wouldn't be using the statement "just forget her". It's my understanding that the bible and church tesch you to be understanding, patient and forgiving but then I've always suspected christians were the most hipocritical of all.
2007-02-27 14:41:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
She is a late bloomer, a TEEN, my middle son did the same, he did and went thru during his early 20's what most his age had done around the ages of 13-17, so do NOT blame urself or even her for that matter... What she is doing is more normal than not.... She is LEGAL in the eyes of the world and is just spreading her wings, sowing wild oats, testing her strength, etc...... The worst thing you can do at this point is to keep antagonizing her or tell her what she is doing wrong, hard thing I know, but take it from someone who had to learn the hard way!!!!
Keep in contact with her, keep repeating how much you love her, do NOT judge her actions, you can however lovingly express your concern, you are STILL her parent !!!! She is rebelling against what she sees has the OLD PEOPLE ways, so give her a little space and keep up the prayers and comunication.... Giving up on her is NOT an option, she is YOUR child !!! give the butterfly the sky and an angel will watch over it, hold it to tight and the butterfly will die from a broken wing !!!!!! God bless
2007-02-27 14:46:29 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you said it in a nutshell...she's 18. I went through a rebellious stage around then and nothing my mom said or do could make me understand I wasn't going down the right path. She knows the life you gave her and you just have to let her find herself. My mom always remained there for me when I needed her. You should rent that movie Parenthood. My mom said it gave her alot of perspective and she knew I'd come around. I did.
You should have dinner or lunch with her and invite his family so you can see the type of people they are. Maybe she'll be able to see them differently when everyone's together as a whole. You shouldn't bad mouth him or his family to her because that's going to make her grow more distant from you. If you can stomach it, act like you like her boyfriend and then maybe he'll be less cool to her. Sadly enough, she's probably just attracted to him because he's totally opposite of what she knew growing up.
Remember she still has her morals and values. She just needs time away from the norm.
I hope it works out for you. Be blessed.
2007-02-27 14:45:54 · answer #3 · answered by lovinglady72 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have your im and email blocked. you can email me and I will write you out my life story for the last 4 years. I have a teen that basically did that but put us through much more heck than that. But I will be able to explain to you why she may be like that.
She is my daughter but my husband adopted her at 5 yrs old.
It may take me a day or two to get back with you after you email me but I will... Don't loose hope she is still yours... Call her and love her no matter what she does. She needs you. She just don't know it yet.
2007-02-27 15:22:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your daughter is just going through teenage/young adult rebellion...if she hurt you, it's because she's young and stupid. And this guy she's dating is obviously and influence...but he won't last forever. You need to let her realize for herself that he's not a good boyfriend (and she will, trust me...I see this ALL the time...but it does take time). Remember that brains aren't fully developed until your 21, so she is still going through hormone changes and all that jazz...she will eventually come around and realize she loves you. Try to sit down and talk with her, don't act angry...act supportive!! She will appreciate it and want to keep strong ties with you.
Don't worry, you won't lose her for ever. She needs time to grow up, figure things out on her own, and straighten things out! Just as we all do. Try to give advise, but not push it on her. People tend to listen more when they think the other person is being helpful, not just trying to push ideas on them and tell them what to do.
Hope this helps somewhat, I don't know your whole situation...but if its really bad perhaps you could try some councelling to get things straightened out? Family councelling works really well, and everyone can go including your youngest daughter...and it will help to get everyone's emotions out in a calm, structured way!
2007-02-27 14:47:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
turning 18 has a strange effect on kids they have lived their whole lives being told what to do where to go when to be back then they turn 18 and the law says they can decide on their own whats right and whats wrong just try to stay in some kind of contact with her and let her know you love her and with time she will see that being able to decide her own way isnt as easy as it seems to be as parents all we can do is try to give our children the tools they need to cope with life as it comes sometimes they can get overwhelmed with the feelings but the foundation you have given her will give her the insite to see where shes heading isnt where she wants to end up stay strong and let her know your love is there for her but guilt isnt going to work it never does
2007-02-27 15:16:13 · answer #6 · answered by patbgone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wise Saying....
If you love something,
Let it go,
If it comes back,
It is Yours.
If it doesn't,
It never was...
But while you think about that, look up the "Serentity Prayer," I don't have it on hand but most people know it in a general sense.
Look It up, Read the words...
Good Luck and Time Heals All.
2007-02-27 14:50:08 · answer #7 · answered by bob shark 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
obviously your are leaving out her part of the story. She wouldnt just turn like that for no reason. you had different views on certain things like dating, or house rules, curfew.
on the other hand, teenagers as you know have a short fuse and get mad over the smallest things. wait a lil while, she'll come back to you. kinda like i went back to my parents...
2007-02-27 14:41:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's probably just a phase. Young people tend to go through phases at that age. She will come to her senses. All you can do now is pray for her.
2007-02-27 15:18:04 · answer #9 · answered by Tonya W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers make stupid mistakes like that because they don't know how to comprehend that they don't know what's good for them and they think they know everything. All you can really do is let her know that you love her and your always going to be there for her. Hopefully she will realize she's making a mistake.
2007-02-27 15:31:04 · answer #10 · answered by dmstanley02 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋