HOW CAN I IMPROVE THIS ????
Hi Devi,
I heard your message on the answering machine.
What time would you like me to come see your home and discuss details?
I will bring a contract tomorrow that you and your husband can look over.
When I begin caring for Dhiya I need you or your husband to drop me off home around 4:30PM. Would that be alright?
I am looking forward to seeing you all again and growing a bond with your wonderful daughter. Thank you very much
Holly
2007-02-27 14:27:26 · 5 answers · asked by H M 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Hi Devi,
I got your message. What time can we meet to discuss details? I'll also be sure to bring a sample contract for you and your husband to review. While I work for you, I'll need a ride home everyday at 4:30. I look forward to seeing you again and bonding with Dhiya.
Thanks, Holly.
2007-02-27 14:51:47 · answer #1 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't like 'come to your home to discuss the details'. I would say
hi Devi, I got your message. I would love to come over and talk about the details (don't really like that phrasing and I wouldn't metion the contract, I would just bring it when you go and I would not metion the drop off time either, i would do that in person). Also I wouldn't say 'bond with your wonderful daughter...
Ok, now that i thought out loud, I would save most of that for 'in person' discussion and most of that is 'the details' you mentioned earliry. I would say this:
Hi Devi,
I was really glad to get your message. I would like to come over so we can iron out the details. I am really excited to watch your daughter, she is so adorable. Thanks so much for this opportunity,
Holly
2007-02-27 23:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds ok, very submissive. You sound nice.
2007-02-27 23:54:24 · answer #3 · answered by Mishell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Improve it so it makes sense??
2007-02-27 22:34:51 · answer #4 · answered by karena k 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
ok
2007-02-27 22:30:45 · answer #5 · answered by One Love 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋