an 11 year old at daycare?

Question

My nephew is 11 and slow and a bit challanged...my sister works and so she wants to take him to a daycare after school. He will be the only kid there over 5 but my sister says it is fine and besides....he has potty accidents enough that he might just do well in such an environment. What will the daycare teachers and aids think if he does get sent to there in underpants and has an accident? My wife and I are worried about him but should we just let it go/

Answer 1

I'm sure most daycare centres have policies about children that age not attending. She needs to find an appropriate place for children with developmental challenges. I'm sure a social service agency could point her in the right direction. Or she could talk to regular after-school programs, some of them have funding to provide aides/assistants for children with special needs.

Answer 2

Another option would be to find a high school or college student to take him home at the end of the day and give him lots of one on one attention. The only risk is if the person picking up your nephew is sick. You could always find two different people to alternate days during the week. It'd probably be cheaper than daycare and your nephew would be in his own environment.

Answer 3

This doesn't sound like a healthy choice. It is great that you are looking into it. It seems like your intuition is saying that it's not okay, always trust your gut.

Think about this. Well, it's the first thing that popped into my mind. The staff may be well trained and compassionate but people will still treat your nephew inappropriately and different. If they aren't specially trained to deal with children with similar issues as your nephew then they can't properly take care of him.
Okay. Here's an example. You have an elemenetary class and one kid is real big for his/her age. This kid will get treated differently, the teacher's will expect more from them because they look older. The same type of thing will most likely occur with your son.

If she can afford daycare maybe she can afford to pay someone individually to take care of her son?

To me, it doesn't seem like a good idea. But.. Your sister is mom.

Answer 4

Ask her to look into special programs for kids like him. It's no right that a daycare teacher has to help an 11year old with potty accidents. Aren't there people who specify in working with kids like him? Try to find them in the area,. It's also not right for the 5 year old kid to see a 11 year old at daycare with accidents. 5 year olds shouldnt even be having those kinds of accidents. It is a bad influence.

Answer 5

Most daycare have afterschool kid programs. Your nephew being only one over 5 is probably just a coincidence. A daycare my child used to attend had a before and after school program and there were 4th,5th, 6th graders enrolled.

Answer 6

I agree with your concerns. For an 11 year old to be with all 5 and under kids, even if he's on their intelligence level, is just not right. First of all, I know I wouldn't want to be twice as old as everyone around me. Plus, the other kids would probably think it was strange and might make fun of him or avoid him... kids can be pretty mean. Sure, he could get made fun of with older kids too, but by the time you get to 11 at least SOME kids are mature enough that they would befriend him. And at least he wouldn't feel left out as much.
And it would be awkward for the teachers as well, to try to incorporate him into group activities - and you're right, if he had an accident it would be weird.
But your main concern should be the kid's feelings... even if he's slow I bet he would still understand that he was different from everyone there and a bit out of place. It would be really bad for his self esteem, which could in turn hurt his performance in school and cause him to have more frequent accidents.
I think you should voice your concerns to your sister, but of course do it nicely, since she just wants what's best for him. There are definitely special daycares out there for mentally challenged kids - there's one right around the corner from my house. She should look for something like that to send your nephew to. And there are probably general daycares for older kids too. I know the elementary school in my area has a program for K-5th grade, so if he's still in elementary school that would work. Middle schools might have them too, but I don't know. Or what about an after school club or sport? It might be more expensive, but another idea is to get him a babysitter. Even if you got a neighborhood teenager to do it who was only a few years older than him (but someone responsible who would treat him with respect, and someone who would actually talk to/play with/watch him, not a babysitter who talks on the phone or watches tv all the time) that would work.
So hopefully your sister can find a different accomodation for her son. If she can't, I think it's important for her to have a talk with the daycare teachers about her son's special needs. That way they'd be prepared to deal with accidents if they occur and they might be able to help accomodate your nephew to the rest of the group and make him fit in better.
And, just on a random side note, maybe your sister should use goodnights (you can use them in the daytime too, really) or depend undergarments for your nephew... I know there's sort of a negative connotation to putting an 11 year old in "diapers" but it actually works well for a lot of kids. That way on the off chance that he does have an accident it won't be embarrassing or interfere with his life too much. And that often boosts kids' self esteem and makes them feel in control enough that in turn, the frequency of wetting accidents decreases. Just a thought.
I hope whatever your sister ultimately chooses to do works out. Good luck!

Answer 7

I am a daycare provider, and I have had older developmentally challenged children. I have no problems helping these children with toileting!! The younger children are taught tolerance and compassion for these children!! Not to mention there aren`t many resources out there for these parents!! I have also designed different activities for these children!! They fit in, just like they would be tolerated by society when they grow into adulthood!!

Answer 8

wouldn't that be bad if the kids at a regular daycare made fun of him? you should still keep an eye on him, he is family, but he might actually do better in a five year old environment than an older, less likely to be made fun of :).

Answer 9

Your nephew actually needs to be around kids his age. Are there any programs after school for him. Some schools offer this. Maybe she should try and hire a babysitter for after school. There are other options and I am sure he would feel out of place if he is the oldest one there.

Answer 10

I have worked in a few agencies who assist the mentally challenged.

You should advise your sister into looking for an after school respite program.

The state office of Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities (OMRDD) at least that is the name in NY, but your state should have a similiar one. She can most likely get it paid for by medicare/medicaid. They can advise you on what agencies to look for. There are probably some programs that will allow him to be with his peers.