being single for 12yrs. plus this is the first time I have [ I have not ask yet] or going to ask a female out on a date. " here is the BIG ?.
she just moved in across the street. I have helped here several times. just in passing. I have not asked a girl to go out in 20yrs. I am scared to the point of have-ing to stutter when i practice in the mirror. I know I sound foolish even to my self. but when it comes right down to it I chicken out. So I know what i need to do but it is easier said than done. so what I am looking for is some moral support? I am 48 & it has been so long since the last time. In fact it has been so long that I feel like a virgin again. please do not laugh[even though i know it is funny even to my self]
2007-02-27 11:36:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Every one's answer is great advice. & thank u for ur support. so i wil let the public choose the best answer. because it would b wrong for me to make that chose.
2007-03-02 14:24:49 · update #1
Its great you may have found someone! Listen don't make a big thing out of it the next time you are talking to her just ask if she would like to have dinner or something. Who knows she may just be waiting for you to ask! Go for it!
2007-02-27 11:41:31 · answer #1 · answered by Your Nuts! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's hard to know what to do in such situations but there are only two answers my friend. If this woman has made it clear to you that she would like to be more than friends then you just have to bite the bullet and ask her out.
However if she hasn't been giving you the come on then you need to take things a bit slower that's all.
Here's what you do, you take things slowly at first if not for her sake then yours, you should ask her out to a local restaurant and I don't mean a burger joint or if she's new to the area take her on a picnick and show her the sights.
If your really nervouse then the first time you ask her out maybe you could ask a friend and his gal to come with you just to break the ice and get to know this woman better.
If all goes well then the next time you ask her out you can say to her hey didn't we have a great night the other night how do fancy doing it again but just me and you or if you prefer i could ask my friend and his gal along too if you wish.
If she chooses the first option then you know shes interested and you can take things from there however if she chooses the second option then i'm afraid it probably means she likes you as a friend but nothing more or if your lucky that she is just palin shy.
You see by giving women options instead of backing them into a corner you get better and quicker results.
All the best my friend,
BEANS, UK
2007-02-27 21:39:32 · answer #2 · answered by BEANS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just take it nice and easy. The problem you are in is that you haven't been with anyone for a while, and now you have met someone your brain is probably racing ahead of itself thinking of what the future may bring. This rush of feelings and emotions is enough to make anyone stutter!
Start with the basics and take it one step at a time - and don't allow your brain to think ahead to a possible relationship, sex, marriage or kids otherwise your brain will melt.
First step - ask her out for a coffee, theatre or the pub. If she agrees to go then step 2...
Take a few deep breaths to relax and be yourself. Don't rush things. You might like the look of this girl but you know nothing about her - she might be a right pain in the ****. Likewise she doesn't know you so she will be sussing you out.
People love talking about themselves so don't fall into this trap. Think of some questions to ask her that could spark a conversation e.g. job, family, recent holidays, music she is into, films etc. This allows her to ask you similar questions so that the conversation flows. It also shows her that you are not a self-centred idiot who obsesses about himself. Let the questions flow naturally from one subject to the next as you don't want it to sound like an interview.
If she likes you (and you like her) then you can move onto that second date. By now you will be a lot more comfortable in her company and you can ask how she is, how her day at work went, about her friends etc.
At this point you will be well on your way. The rest will all happen as it happens. Don't rush it, enjoy it.
You'll be fine! Good luck!
2007-02-27 20:38:25 · answer #3 · answered by Dr Kildare 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you're really interested in this girl, I think this is the perfect time to try something a bit out of the ordinary. If you're really nervous about asking her out, why say anything at all? Why not try something a little different like send her flowers and ask her out on the card? Or be neighborly and take over a plate of cookies with a card under the cookies asking her out? If you have her email address, send her an e-card. That's how my step-father originally asked my mom for their 1st date and she was thrilled! If those all sound like they're a little too much for you, I would play it casual. Invite her for coffee or drinks sometime at your place, and see how it goes. If it seems like there's chemistry, you can ask her for a real date. If not, at least you've had some pleasant conversation in the process. Who knows? She may be sitting at home right now wondering how she can ask you out. You'll never know if you don't try.
Good luck!
2007-02-27 19:45:39 · answer #4 · answered by OhKatie! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it HAS been while.....mate, going for a drink or a meal together is nothing, simply 2 people having a quiet time together and that is all it needs to be, so there is really no need to be worried, is there?
IF anything was to develop from this then all well and good, but if you are looking on a date as an excuse to jump her bones then you may well be disappointed.
ask her, no strings attached, no commitment.
you could find out if there are any bands she likes playing in the area....which you will just happen to have a spare ticket for.
2007-02-27 21:58:12 · answer #5 · answered by safcian 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've made yourself a mountain out of a molehill. You're magnifying the outcomes out of proportion. You are a man, she is a woman, but you are putting so much on the outcome. Yes you are attracted to her, but try look at it as job interview. You've not had an interview for 20 years, do you expect to walk into the first job you apply for? Do you think your technique will be modern and smooth? Or do you think it will just be good experience after all these years, just to get it out of the way and get yourself back on track??
But to carry the analogy on, you are now looking at this as your big chance for a job, and you have everything pinned on it.
Be pessimistic about the outcome, that way if she does agree, you'll be pleasantly surprised!
2007-02-27 19:45:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pop over and tell her you are going to the garden centre or diy store, does she need anything, you don't mind helping her putting things together or whatever. Ask if she would like to come with you. Maybe if she does you could pop to the coffee shop while you are there. Then help her with her shelves or gardening or whatever and chat, then see if she would like to go out for dinner one evening ? Try it you never know. If she doesn't want to go with you or she is busy at least she will know that you are interested and you may have broken the ice. Good luck, and don't worry. It will be fine.
2007-02-28 07:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Next time your out and about and in passing her house- STOP! Just say you thought you'd drop by to see if there was anything you could help her with. In talking it is going to make you relaxed, ( I know your a bundle of nerves) so just say why not take a break from all this and I'll take you out for coffee. Better still why not show up with a Starbucks nice surprise and a real ice breaker. You know you can do it -JUST GO DO IT!
2007-02-27 19:51:08 · answer #8 · answered by sylviavnpttn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being happy is all that matters... and you don't always need a partner for being happy (ask Paul McCartney).
If you've got to know this potential girl who has just moved in, then you are obviously comfortable around women to a certain point. I know the fear... asking a girl out is like saying "hey wanna have sex with me at some point in the near future"..... but you could think of how to do it in a friendly way... which doesn't have to suggest that... as in showing her some cool places around the neighbourhood that you know.
2007-02-27 19:43:49 · answer #9 · answered by Narky 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
rather than completely blow all your confidence on this one woman i'd get to know her more in a friendship way. let her get to know you more and then as you get to feel more comfortable around her you'll be relaxed and asking her out will feel more natural also if you just show a slight interest rather than put your heart out there she'll show interest back if she is interested. there's no rush. Its a tough one if she says no you might be too scared to ask anybody ever again but then again she might say yes which would be great and worth the sweating stuttering and palpitations. hmmm
2007-02-27 19:51:26 · answer #10 · answered by sunshine 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋