Does anybody understand this? Please no mean answers.?

Question

Sometimes I want a baby so bad. I was adopted as a baby, and I don't know any blood. The only way for me to feel that biological connection is to have my own child. I would for once like to look at someone and watch them get older and be able to see a little piece of myself in them physically and possibly even emotionally. Growing up I didn't look anything like anyone in my family. One of the first things you always her when a baby is born is how much they look like the mother or father. I never had that. Does this make sense to anyone? If you were adopted, would you feel the same? I'm old enough to have a baby at 25 with a degree and all, but I want to have a husband and career before I bring a child into this world.

I always felt oukward and out of place in my family.

Answer 1

i fully understand what your saying you need to have roots and sence you dont know yours you want to start new ones

but you are right to wait till you have what a child needs

Answer 2

First of all, good for you - wanting to be settled and prepared before bringing a baby into this world. More often than we like, people aren't settled or prepared and that's where some of the adopted babies come from, mothers who aren't ready. I don't know the reason your "mother" gave you up but I'm sure deep down it's one of the things she's regretted the most in her life. However, it sounds as if she made the right decision---you are a smart young lady and have parents who treat you as if you were their 'blood'. Remember though - 'blood' isn't always best!

Second, I fully understand where you are coming from when you say you want something of 'your own'. I never knew my birth mother while growing up and often I felt as if I was missing out on something. I have recently been in touch with her (her daughter looked me up) and have since realized that I don't really have any connection with her and feel she's made the best choice for me. I have children of my own now and couldn't fathom the idea of up and leaving them. With that said though - the funny thing is; I can't really see myself in them. I don't see my husband either. Weird thing when it comes to having kids. I have red hair and my husband has brown....both kids have blond!! Go figure!!

So I guess I'm saying this; over time you will feel less like you've missed out on something and when you do have those children you will know exactly what to give them because you have this deep appreciation for the love of a mother. Subconsciously you know too that your parents have given you a great upbringing and you wouldn't change a thing.

Answer 3

I think this is definitely important to you or you wouldn't be looking for answers here. My only advice is, if it means this much to you, do it. Don't let a lack of a husband to stop you. (This coming from a single mom) There are alot of successful single moms out there and the father can be very invovled even if you aren't married. It sounds like you would adore and shower this child with love and attention, more than some children get in a two parent home. The career thing may be important though because you need a way to support and provide for him/her. That is a vital part of the plan, having the funds.But don't wait forever. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me, even though her father and I can't seem to get along.

Answer 4

I think that is a very warranted feeling. I also think that you are yourself, and it doesn't matter if you are adopted or not it is love that hold together a family no seeing resemblances between family members. But I do see your intrest. I think you are very clever to want to wait for a good relationship to bring a child into the world, I guess you should be focusing on mixing with the right kind of people, floating in circles that will expose you to men that are also ready to settle down and start a family. Don't rush into it and just "settle" for anyone, wait for Mr Right so you can share the miracle of bringing into this world a person created from the love you share with this special person. It will happen, but don't miss life waiting for it. Enjoy life and the rest will come :)

Answer 5

Hey girl,
I truly understand ya. I don't think at all that its stupid to want to have a child of your own, but honestly I do believe that you should do it the right way. If your religious and living in the will of God then he will bless you to have all your needs and hearts desires. My best advice to you is to be patient. Having a husband is very important because you want your child to have both a mother and a father. If not then your child will be feeling just like someday only saying I wish I had a father. So I believe you should pray about it and let God help you. Good scriptures to read are Matt 6:33, Psalms 37:4 and Romans 10:9

Answer 6

I think in a way you were pretty lucky that your parents decided to give you a chance at a better life. All the same, it would be very understandable to feel the way you do.
Get established, get the "working world" experience for awhile, then when you and some special guy get together and have a baby, you'll be ready for it. Then, you can start your own traditions with the baby, fun stuff, baby books etc. Enjoy your single time, it will seem pretty short when you look back on it, but keep your eyes on the prize, you wil get there!

Answer 7

I was also adopted as a child. I can only describe it as the most wonderful and horrific experience of my life. Don't get me wrong, I thank god that I have the family I have. I love them with all of my heart..the hole in my heart for my own family was, and still is, there. I am 5 months pregnant with my first child. I cant wait to have something that came from me and is a part of me..I am neither married or in a happy relationship, but I am happy about this little girl. I cant wait to watch her grow and become more than I have became.

Answer 8

I could imagine how you feel wanting to pass something on, but be thankful also. No one says you have to have a baby by a certain age. Have one when you are ready not when you feel obligated by your feelings. Its a greater feeling to offer your children a family. I knew a girl who was adopted and was so loving of the situation and her parents she adopted just to show how much it really means to give a child a great home they wouldn't have had.

Answer 9

I feel for you. There is nothing wrong with wanting a baby, especially in your circumstances. It makes an awful lot of sense to me. I had my first daughter just before I turned 26, and you just cannot imagine the bond !! It is just amazing the feeling of closeness and belonging that this little being brought into my life !
You are on the right track, find your soul mate and settle down first. (I had been married for 4 years ) This will bring stability into your life. Then go for it !

Answer 10

First of all, from all of the research I have done, you feelings are absolutely NORMAL. Have you ever joined an adoptee support group, or attended a seminar? I bet you will find that a lot of your questions will be answered and feelings shared. I certainly can understand the connection you seek so badly. You sound like you are educated, and responsible. When you are ready for children, I wish you the best, most of all happiness.

Answer 11

I understand you perfectly! I don't know my father so sometimes I wonder how he looks like, and what of me looks like him or his family. But I agree with you, first you have to get married and have a career if not your baby might be more confused than you are right now.