Should I trust him?

Question

My boyfriend 32 and I 29 have been together for 8 months.We are very much in love.He really shows me his love and I have no complains.He has already told me a lot of times without proposing that we will get married and made me believe that he meant soon e.g (a year).But a week ago he told me that he has set a time limit to himself not to do anything(get married,live together e.t.c)for the next 1.5 year(which means that we may get married in 2.5 years) because he wants to pay off his loan car.Should I trust that he will keep his word?He has promised other not really important things to me(like bying something or going to a nice restaurant) and sometimes didn't keep his promises or postponed things.That's what worries me and to tell you the truth I do not want to waste my time with someone who isn't worth it.I did that with my ex for 6 years and have been really hurt.How can I tell if he means what he says?Thank you in advance for your replies.Good luck to you all.

Answer 1

The question you really need to ask yourself is "Do I love him enough to wait?" Only you can make a truly honest decision about this since none of us know him. Another thing that I am thinking is..Since you have only been together for 8 months, are you really honestly sure this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? To have children with? If so, then sit him down and explain to him what YOU want and the timeline that YOU want it by. See what he has to say about that before you make any decisions. If hes willing to compromise then thats a great start, it shows that he is a good man and really cares for you. If hes unwilling to budge, I would take that as he has a controlling issue and you deserve better than that. You deserve a man thats going to talk to you about things, get your opinion and then make decisions. But at the same time, you dont want to PUSH him into marriage cause then neither of you will be happy. Its a touchy situation, but I know you're smart enough and respectful enough to handle it!!

Men sometimes dont understand that the small things (such as taking us to a nice resturant) really matter to us, so even though its unintentional, we still feel let down. Explain to him your feelings about his broken promises so he knows where you are coming from when you have doubts about his "timeline"

Good luck hun! I hope everything works out for you! Let us know what happens!

Answer 2

Well, his reasons sound very logical to me. Weddings can get very expensive, so I believe him when he says he wants to pay off his car loan first. I've actually said that to my husband as well before buying a house.

If you are still unsure, explain to him how you feel- that sometimes when he makes you promises, he doesn't always follow through, and it's sort of misleading to you. Remind him all the time how much you're in love with him, and that you can't wait to marry him- you can even suggest helping him pay off his car loan.

You've still got some time, it's only been 8 months. This is just a stepping stone for you to learn to trust in what he says to you. Wait for him, but don't wait another 6 years. Good luck!!

Answer 3

You can't put all your hopes on him marrying you in 2.5 years, nor can you stick around in the relationship because you expect this at some point.Your feelings will be badly hurt; crushed if he doesn't come through, and you'll be angry and bitter and confused. You should be in the relationship b/c you want to be with him, not because you only think this is the one to put a ring on your finger. Men do not like to be pressured into long-term relationships. Just ride the wave - if you can - but if your goal is to find someone to marry you, it's not this guy b/c he doesn't want that now, and if two people don't want the same thing, it's not working.

Answer 4

So you've been through this before........ do we see a pattern here??

You need to find out why you're choosing men like this. I suggest counselling. There are good free or low cost agencies in your city. Call one.

See, we teach people how to treat us. You are doing the same dance only with a different partner. I hate telling you this, but you are the one to blame here.

This guy wants to pay off his car loan??? There are always going to be things that need paid for; cars, house, orthodontia.

You already know how this story ends.

Answer 5

Tell him everything you told us. People on Yahoo Answers don't know you or him, and some people answer every question with "break up with him".

Show him this question, or tell him in your own words that you are worried about this. If he really knows he won't keep his promise, he will probably be honest about it when you ask him. Just tell him how you are feeling!! You need to have communicaiton to make a relationship work.

Answer 6

Every situation is different. It may be that he just has commitment issues. You really need to assess the situation. If he has been married before or has shown in the past that he is willing to commit I would be tempted to force the issues. Most men don't realize what they have until they don't have it anymore. At least that way you will know if he wants you or is just playing games with you. Good Luck.

Answer 7

The only way you can trust someone is if they keep their promises. Since he has no interested in keeping his word when it comes to small things, I don't think he's earned your trust at all, and has proven himself to be untrustworthy.
I wonder if he'll actually pay off his loan.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like he is just putting it off. I mean, what kind of car does he drive that a car loan is hindering him making payments on a ring for you? He's what you call, buying himself some time

Answer 9

Sounds like you and he don't want the same thing. You can't trust someone who breaks their promises, no matter how small. Cut this one loose and find someone more compatible and honest.

Answer 10

i would ask him straight out what he plans on doing. tell him how you feel about all of it and that you would really like to know what he's thinking and planning. get him to open up and talk.