Daughter distraught over friend's death?

Question

My seventeen year old daughter's good friend died last week. She was in a car accident and it all came as a huge shock and my daughter has been beside herself. She refuses to come out of her room, i hear her crying all night. She won't talk much....she says she's too depressed to even talk to me. She won't eat. I am very worried, I know that she is grieving, but is the much grief normal? Please help.

Answer 1

I think it's normal. she's a teenager, very dramatic, and seems to have experienced a loss unlike anything she's ever known. I think it's wonderful that you're paying close attention to what she's going through - good mom!

I do think she needs to talk about it though. I wouldn't even begin to know what to suggest here. If it were me, I'd have to seek professional help, at least a few sessions with a therapist, to help her work through her emotions.

Once she's past the heavy grieving, I would suggest helping her create some sort of tribute to her friend (a website, scrapbook, charity, carwash, whatever) to help create a positive element to this terrible tragedy.

Answer 2

It's normal. I lost a close friend when I was 17, it was horrible. Friends are so important when you are that age, I just couldn't imagine life without my friend. I felt crushed and didn't know what to do, all I wanted to do was sleep. In a way it's good that your daughter is able to grieve, some people can't. But at the same time, you need to make sure she's not suicidal. Did her school provide grief counselors? Do you know of a grief counselor you could consult? Maybe you could have her start making a scrap book about her friendship with the girl, or suggest another project, something she can do to honor her friend. Good Luck to you, I hope I helped a little.

Answer 3

Dealing with death is so hard for anyone, but I think with teenagers they have this idea it couldn't happen to them because they are so young, but in the next few days I would keep putting notes under her door and tell her you understand her grief and you want to help, or bring over a family or friend who she really confides in and see if she would talk, but if this continues at the end of the week definitely get her some help

Answer 4

This may help some. I know this is a difficult time for her and I would be the same way. It is going to take time and you will have to work with her.. take her shopping, out to eat.. something really special. Also see if you have the school counselor talk to her. I hope that she pulls it together soon. Good luck.

Answer 5

It can be harder for teens to handle grief, especially if it's someone their age and they've never lost someone close to them before. Give her a few days. We all handle grief in different ways. Keep encouraging her to talk, but don't pressure her, either. Let her know that you are available for her whenever she needs you.

Also, see if her school is offering counseling. Often when a teen is killed that way, counselors are available to students to help deal with their grief.

Answer 6

I hear her pain, I was 17 when I lost a good friend in a hit and run accident. Believe it or not, but she will get past this. She is probably writing a lot of sad poems and writting in her journal (this is why she stays in her room so long). These are all normal ways for someone her age to express herself. Things will get easier and please dont force her to talk. She may or may not come to you when she is ready. Its hard for you to watch, but she will bounce back.

Answer 7

She's feeling grief and 1,000 other emotions - maybe even survivor's guilt or fear it could happen to her.

I would suggest helping her direct her emotions into her energy.
Have her do something in memory of her friend. Ask for her ideas.

Maybe she could create a memorial website where her other friends can pay tribute too.
Maybe she could organize her friends to donate blood in her honor.
Maybe she could help raise funds for a Dollars for Scholars in her name.

Tell her that her friend would want her to pick up and do something.

Answer 8

first my condolences for your daughters friend.grief is normal but she may need to speak to a grief counselor real soon since she is not eating or talking that's not good for a teenager. seems this is hitting her very hard. you want to check your local phone book or call closest psychiatrist on recommendations for grief counselor in your area.

Answer 9

I would see a speacilist or talk to her. Tell her to look at all the good times her and her friend had. Bring food up to her room and talk to her while you eat together. Talk about her friend alot it will help take the pain away,

Answer 10

she needs grief counselling NOW. She just found out she and her friends are not immortal and needs help to deal with it. Call your G.P and find out where a grief councillor is located and get her their now.