I just can`t get over my ex,i`ve tried and still am trying so hard but i`m still hurting like mad inside.We were together 6 years and have a 4 year old son,he was my first love,but after walking out for the 2nd time 7 weeks ago,i have found out he is seeing someone from his work who flirted with him in front of me,i do think he cheated on me with her but he said he didn`t and the reason he had to leave was because he knew he was going to,i know they had met up before he left as thet were seen and i`m guessing this is what they were talking about.
I just feel so rejected and angry and will be fine for a week or so then it all comes back and the tears start again,i feel like such a failure,i couldn`t even keep the one person who meant so much to me,though i don`t know why i feel like this as towards the end he did treat me like dirt,stay out without contact for days on end but i just can`t get over him,i don`t like being alone but can`t imagine being with anyone either,please help
2007-02-27 10:50:30 · 10 answers · asked by onlyme 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
break ups are so so hard... especially when you are the one that didn't want it to happen. but remember that we can do nothing to keep people with us. it is their choice to stay or to go. and if you did nothing wrong, then it's not your *failure* that the relationship didn't work out.
seven weeks later it's still really raw and new. there will still be situations that you haven't met before, and are having to deal with on your own instead of with him. new reminders. be patient with yourself. it may seem like you won't get over him right now, but believe me, you will...
when my long-term partner left me - out of the blue, and i was devastated - i found that it really helped to change some practical things. i had to stay in the house we'd lived in together, but i redecorated a different bedroom and moved into that. so it was *my* room, not *our* room. i changed the furniture around in the living room. threw out all the food in the freezer that was there because he liked it. talked myself into doing the things that i love, that we would never do together, because he didn't enjoy them.
i let myself cry when i needed to, and then picked mysef up and carried on.
after a while, i started making myself think of him as *the kids father* rather than my *ex* - redefined my relationship to him in a way that was to do with the future rather than the past.
i couldn't imagine being with anyone else, either, so i cut myself some slack. i've spent two years putting myself back together. for the first time in my life concentrating on what makes me happy and fulfilled for myself, not for a partner... and it's wonderful! i'm now at the point where i'm dating again - not because i feel i need a man, but because i would like someone to share my great life with...
take care of yourself.
2007-02-27 12:21:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From experience I know what you are going through, but it's true that in time you'll get over him. You must be strong as you will still have to have contact with him for your child's sake. However try not to get bitter as this will make things worse for you and he will just be getting on with his life.
Why not do something like taking up a hobby for yourself like keep fit, which is a great stress buster. Start thinking about yourself more and what you want out of life and every time you feel like crying just tell yourself you can do better than him, you don't need someone who treats you like dirt. If you must cry give it 5 minutes and tell yourself he doesn't deserve any more of your tears and if he comes crawling back don't take him back because he'll only take that as a sign you are weak and keep walking over you like a door mat
He was your first love, but trust me there are much better men out there. Give yourself some time, concentrate on yourself and your child and one day you'll meet someone who'll love and respect you.
2007-02-27 19:37:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break-ups are never easy and especially if you feel the way you do it will seem even harder for you at this minute.
Life everything in life though, it will get easier for you. Why do you feel like a failure? What did you do to fail?
It takes 2 to make a relationship work and both parties have to be willing to contribute and obviously on his part he wasn't.
And if this is the second time he has walked out on you, he knows how to work you and has.
Try to make yourself get involved with other clubs or social activities.
You have a 4 year old son, loads of activities you can get involved in.
I wish you luck.
x
2007-02-27 19:06:27 · answer #3 · answered by lynn a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i suppose it is only natural to blame yourself and feel like a failure when a relationship ends.. but you didn't do anything wrong. he was the one that allowed himself to fall for this other girl. he was the one that wasn't faithful. he is the loser here and he is the @sshole and the cheater.
6 years is a long relationship, so it isn't going to be easy to move on, but it sounds like you have to indeed move on. get yourself some councilling and they can help you come to terms with what happened, then can help you learn from what happened, and help you land on your feet and get on with your life.
that 4 yr old son is the most important person in your life now. you need to focus on being the best single mom in the world. not sure what your financial situation is like, but if you don't have a job, you might wanna look into that.. also, try to spend time with family and friends and then can be those friendly faces and shoulders to cry on when you need it.
being single sucks, heck, i know that only too well. but you don't have to be with anyone else any time soon..
you don't want to rush into any rebound relationship. get your life sorted out as an indivdual, and you will eventually get over this and become happy.
believe me, if he treated you like dirt, then you don't want to go back to him. you and your son deserve much better than this. you need a loving environment for you and your son to live in...
2007-02-27 18:58:36 · answer #4 · answered by Jeff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh sweetheart, you are soooooo naive. do you honestly believe he was meeting with this other girl to discuss having an affair.....well, that'll be a first I must admit. No-one discusses it.
It's natural you feel so wretched because your life is now going into a different phase....a phase you haven't chosen to take place. Hang on in there, things will improve trust me, just be patient with yourself & try as much as you can to get out of the house, don't sit around thinking about the b*stard that really doesn't deserve your attention in any way.......think of you & your child & of ways to improve your lives. Why would you even think of being with someone else? of course that's not going to feel right at the moment, stop trying to rush things.......
2007-02-27 18:59:48 · answer #5 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seven weeks is not a long time for this, would you be over a parent dying in 7 weeks? Just give it time, it's very normal to feel this bad for so long.
2007-02-27 19:38:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without his committment, it's going to be up to you to deal with everything.
Your child will always remind you of what was. You are really going to have to get used to the idea of living your life facing this reality every day.
For you, there is no getting over it, just dealing with it.
2007-02-27 18:56:08 · answer #7 · answered by Cameron L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your chin up. Time is a great healer. Its only been 7 weeks. Things are still fresh. Good Luck
2007-02-27 18:55:20 · answer #8 · answered by Psycho Chicken! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go out and meet people, join a club or classes
2007-02-27 18:54:55 · answer #9 · answered by Smurf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will get over it, but time is the key ("Time heals all" I think is an expression)
You will find someone better!
2007-02-27 18:56:47 · answer #10 · answered by Wattsie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋