Okay I have a strange situation. I met my boyfriend 7 months ago, and since then we started living together right away and we love it. The second week of us dating he told me that he had a one night stand (before I knew him) with a woman, and she has let him know that she is pregnant. He has no feelings for her it was a one time thing at a party. He does however intend to be a good father and she lives about two hours away. He intends on seeing the baby often, and I do support that. He doesn’t lie to me, however scared, I have never been in this situation before. I guess like any other woman I feel scared that he will leave me for this other woman, I feel scared that I may not be welcome, I feel scared that I will loose him, and I'm scared that I'm being selfish. I am always supportive and I really do want what is best for the baby. She will have this baby any day now and as selfish as this sounds I'm scared how this will impact our relationship. I'm scared to be in the way I guess. Please Please give me some advice.
2007-02-27 10:44:17 · 16 answers · asked by Lenka 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You probably won't like my advice, but I'd end it and leave. Too much fear, too many questions, and I wouldn't be willing to have the baby mama drama in my life. I'm sorry, but he's not going to be a good father if he's randomly visiting his child, rather than being there to parent him on a daily basis. I also feel it would be in the child's best interest for this guy to marry the mother and be a family, though I doubt that will happen.
2007-02-27 10:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend now has a tie to that woman, the mother of his child. He will always have some sort of contact with her, as long as he is in the child's life. Some of how it will affect you depends on the woman's attitude...if she resents you because she wants your boyfriend to become a family with her and the baby, it could make things difficult. On the other hand, she could have no hard feelings toward your boyfriend, and because of that, be friendly toward you.
I guess some of how it could change your relationship depends on where your relationship is headed. If you are considering marrying your boyfriend eventually, you'll become the stepmom of the baby. You'll also have to realize that, for at least the next 18 years, a portion of your boyfriend's income will be going to the baby...which won't affect you while you're dating unless you live together, but if you did marry him eventually and have your own children together, you might resent the monthly expense of child support, and wish you had a man who didn't have a child with someone else.
Oh, I don't know if your boyfriend has already considered this...but he needs to have a DNA test done to be sure the baby is his. A woman who will have a one night stand with one man will probably have one with another man, so he needs to make sure he is actually the father. A child is a serious obligation, and he needs to be sure it is his obligation before assuming responsibility.
2007-02-27 10:53:53 · answer #2 · answered by Judi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be more afraid of what you could have contracted sexually more than anything right now. Especially since this was a one night stand. I mean how many has he had? Also moving in with someone and you've only been dating 7 months, is too soon. I would worry about how to protect yourself, financially and emotionally before committing 100% to someone who isn't interested in having a relationship with a woman who was obviously good enough to sleep with without a condom. Slow down and don't worry about him leaving you for her and his child. What you should worry about is not getting into the same situation.
2007-02-27 10:52:42 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend have the same situation as yours but girl im telling you now that there is no enough reason for someone to cheat at the first place, and to look at the reality its a big issue however strong you are, first the trust issue and the emotional issue of being afraid.
You dont need to torture yourself, love is not enough when its just being said but not in deed. There will be a man who would give you love and respect that you deserve. Would hurt at first but girl you have to move on and learn how to love yourself too, before anyone else.
2007-02-27 11:01:01 · answer #4 · answered by chill25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if this was no more then a one night stand you have a right to meet the mother of the baby. Also your boyfriend should talk a DNA test to prove it is his. I sure your boyfriend was not the only one night stand she had. If you and the mother have a relationship it will only strengthen the baby's life and everyone elses.
2007-02-27 10:51:16 · answer #5 · answered by azgrmadonna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a good guy. The first few months may seem like he is ignoring you, but he just had a wonderful baby, you would spend as much time as possible with the baby too. Go with him for visits and be part of the babies life.
2007-02-27 10:47:48 · answer #6 · answered by PrettyEskimo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
particular, it would. in fact, it extremely is needed that he has a vehicle seat for the youngster. individually, i do no longer think of absolutely everyone who would not even get something as necessary as a vehicle seat for his newborn is greater healthful to have unsupervised/in one day visitation, yet it extremely is yet another tale. bypass to Toys R Us/toddlers R Us and ask a sales rep for help. tell her or him the toddler's age, and he/she could be waiting to assist you to discover an suited one. that may no longer a in basic terms a astounding ingredient for the dad, it extremely is a great and responsible ingredient for the toddler. i'm sorry, in spite of the undeniable fact that it must be reported - i've got self assurance so unhappy for the toddler that a woman who has by no potential even met him is taking the time to rigidity approximately his protection whilst the own father would not. What if the toddler have been given unwell interior the middle of the night and had to bypass to the ER? What if another little minor emergency got here up, and the dad grow to be no longer able to effectively transport him? it extremely is unlawful for a toddler to experience in a vehicle without suited vehicle seat. If Dad tries to, PLEASE make an nameless call to DSS; the toddler's existence relies upon on it.
2016-11-26 19:35:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is okay to be scared but you don't have to worry if he says that it was just a one stand and that he doesn't have any feelings about him it should be okay. So don't worry take deep breaths and know that he loves you and if you love the baby to i am sure your boyfriend will love you even more.
2007-02-27 10:49:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a whole lot of baggage for a new relationship..... maybe he feels nothing for her but what if she wants him? And how involved will he be? 2 hours away is not around the corner, ya know. Don't get me wrong, I applaud him in his decision to be a responsible father but I am worried that you will be the one who gets hurt.
2007-02-27 10:55:21 · answer #9 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course you will have insecurities in this situation. Since your boyfriend has decided to take an active role in his child's life (bravo for him, BTW), you need to decide what role you are going to play. Talk to him about your fears, find out what he wants. It will impact your relationship, how is up to you.
2007-02-27 10:51:28 · answer #10 · answered by 4532 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋