But when I try to talk to him I get all choked up and end up a mess
2007-02-27 10:41:27 · 17 answers · asked by wilo_chick 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
oops forgot to mention it was 2.5yrs ago that we split had we are pretty much best friends maybe thats why I am too worried to bring up the past so i dun lose what i have with him
2007-02-27 10:48:00 · update #1
Try to really get to the root of the question inside yourself. What is the motivation for asking these questions? Is it only to find a reason to talk to your ex? Is it really a question you are ready to hear the answer to? Is his answer to the question really going to make a difference in how you feel? The best thing to do is make peace with it somehow on your own. It gives your ex a lot of power when there is something you feel you still "need." If you still feel like that it is a very important question, write yourself a script and practice it. It sounds crazy, but when it comes down to the moment, it is really helpful to be prepared. Good Luck!!
2007-02-27 10:50:18 · answer #1 · answered by chica 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are two things at work here. There is still a lot of emotion that makes it difficult for you to have the conversation and secondly, there are tools that you can use to help overcome the hard time with communication. Here's what I'd do. I would wait until I had gotten over the man before I tried to toll the death bell in conversation. It's hard when you still care. And I would write out what I wanted to say before we had the conversation. Practice makes perfect, when you pracitce you become more comfortable with what you want to say.
Next, don't look into those wonderful eyes when you talk to him. Remember how you first loved his eyes before...you still might be attracted to him. His scent, his eyes...whatever. You may not be immune to his charm yet and that could be the cause of the difficulty.
Be kind to yourself, don't force yourself or let anyone force you to have a conversation like this until you can handle it. Wishing you well. When you're done mourning the loss, you will be able to move forward in the converation and if you want one, in a new relationship.
2007-02-27 18:50:48 · answer #2 · answered by TygerLily 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You fisrt may want to make sure that you are comfortable with the fact that it is over. If it is reconsoling that you want to do you may not want to talk with him until this period is over. If it is closure you want you may want to try and develop your own comprhensive solution to the reason for the conversation so that you know where you stand, thus, leaving you in a more stable position to be able to mantain your composure. Afterall, it is your composure. This may be a bit corny, but try saying what you want to say while facing yourself in the mirror. You may come to a truth that may be shaking you up before talking to him. First and foremost though, I think you need to make sure to be mentally closed about a rekindling.
2007-02-27 18:50:53 · answer #3 · answered by robert s 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It might be better to put these conversations on hold until you can reflect and review the issues with less emotion and more clarity. If he's an ex and the relationship is over, take time to heal, rather than continuing to hurt over it.
2007-02-27 18:44:23 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i assume this relationship recently ended, and i am sorry to hear that.. i understand and appreciate that you want to discuss what happened and learn from the mistakes..
if he is open to talking to you, then that is great as well. i think you just need to take some time to reflect on your own. give it a month and then try talking to him after you get a chance to get over your feelings.
it took me almost a year to rekindle a friendhship with my ex, but after those feelings had been gotten over, we were both able to have wonderful conversations and we were both able to learn quite a bit..
2007-02-27 18:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by Jeff 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it looks like you still Love him, otherwise why would you want to talk with your ex, and you still love him try to tell him straight forward if the feeling is mutual , everything will be OK after that if not. just try to put everything on the back of your mind and go ahead start a brand new life .....good luck to you
2007-02-27 18:48:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you are not ready to become friends. give it 6 months to a year.
my ex and i did this and we helped each other grow but it took almost a year before we moved on.
now we are best friends.
give it some time for awhile and don't contact him. find yourself.
when the time is right you will reintroduce yourself as a new person and so will he be. give it up to a year....
2007-02-27 18:45:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
well if he is over you then both of you will be able to talk about your past relationship
like for me i went out with this one girl and after we broke up it wasn't until she dated someone else that she talked about both of us dating in the past.
for the most part it depends on the person
2007-02-27 18:45:09 · answer #8 · answered by Patrick Teh III 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
do you still have feeling for him, I understand its a little hard to talk to your ex when hes been like a best friend to you email him, go to moavies hang out as friends.
2007-02-27 18:46:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm confused, he's an ex and you want to talk to him about a relationship you are no longer in. WHY? Men don't talk when they are in a relationship what makes you think he wants to talk about it outside of it.
Why would you want to?
2007-02-27 18:45:48 · answer #10 · answered by cvhuntaylor 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋