I have recently been snooping on my childs emails and text messages on her phone because she has shut me out... I pay for the phone, but yet I feel guilt.... I still have the protective Mother Bear nature in me, but do I have the right to invade her privacy?
2007-02-27 10:07:52 · 35 answers · asked by Stephanie O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yes it is okay! she must be a teenager.....you have to know what's going on in her life, whatever it takes!
Don't feel guilty about it for one second!
Whenever you see kids that get in trouble and end up on the news because of it; the reporters and talking heads are always the ones saying where were the parents.......
2007-02-27 10:10:34 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 5⤋
It's a bit of a moral gray area and there are valid arguments on both sides of the table. On one hand they're your child and you want to know what's going on in their life and to protect them, it's a natural instict after all. On the other hand you're trying to teach them to become a responsible adult of their own and treating them as a child won't help you accomplish that. I'm pretty sure that any parent would say it would be ok and every kid would say that it's not. It is, after all, an invasion of privacy. I mean, how would you feel if someone... besides the govt. was doing the same to you? But again, they are your child and your snooping dosen't come from a malicious or negative place, it's coming from a place of care and concern for their wellbeing. I don't think there really is a definite yes or no answer to this question to be quite honest, I think you have to decide for yourself what is ok and what is not, maybe restrict the number of times you check items or only check one media source. I know it can be impossible to talk to them but remember that the reason they may be shutting you out is because they don't feel like they have control over anything else in their life and so they're using this as a way to control something and breaching that can be a very emotional and upsetting experience for everyone involved.
2007-02-27 10:16:41 · answer #2 · answered by Icarus 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do not - I repeat - DO NOT snoop into your child's e-mails and cellphone messages. Not okay to do. It IS an invasion of privacy. I too am a protective mother bear and I have fought tooth and nail to protect my kids from their abusive father. I have done many things to protect them but one thing I am committed to is to protect their privacy. They have a right to privacy as much as we do. Thing is, if their safety or well-being is in danger and you have REASONABLE cause to be worried, then and only then could you justify snooping. There comes a point where you just have to trust your kids. Cellphone and e-mails are like diaries. You just don't snoop unless you fear for their well-being. This concern for their well-being can't just be "I don't want to see my kid get hurt". If they get hurt, they do. They need to learn how to handle life's disappointments and struggles. If it's a matter of "I think my kid is depressed and having suicidal tendencies" then THAT is a different story.
My son is a teenager and his father has a habit of sending him very hurtful text & voicemail messages. Have I been tempted to snoop? Sure I have. I actually did snoop once because I wanted to know if he did this so that I could be supportive of my son by cutting him some slack when he was moody one day. See, he always gets moody and upset after receiving these messages from his father. There was indeed a message from his father and I said nothing to my son. I just was more patient with his grumpiness. I do know however, that my son has become increasingly private and has installed a password on his phone even though this was an isolated incident that he was never aware of and he knows he could leave his e-mail and MySpace communications up in the open without fear of me looking at it. I really do respect his privacy. When and if the time ever comes that he won't talk to me about something I am genuinely concerned about and it is a matter of his personal safety, then of course I would snoop. Until that time, THIS mother bear is going to teach her cubs that they can trust me to respect their privacy and they will be learning to respect mine and that of other people in the process.
2007-02-27 10:18:03 · answer #3 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
As a parent you want to protect your children from harm. The better way to go at it is to sit with your daughter and let her know that you are not trying to be a snoop but that there are many bad people out there that want to use and abuse her. Tell her that you want an open line of communication with her so that you can trust her. If all this fails and she still shuts you out then for her safety snoop but discreetly.
2007-02-27 10:16:33 · answer #4 · answered by Michael K 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have a 15 year old son and boys seem to be a little different than girls, but I still check his phone and at the same time respect his privacy, if you really pay attention they at some point they will give themselves away.With my son I tell him I want to see his phone to check his messages, and he gets this really funny look on his face and gives me this dorky smile, which pretty much lets me know that something is there that i should not see, and i talk to him, and eventually the same day he brings it to my attention!!! hope it works for you!
2007-02-27 10:34:17 · answer #5 · answered by CINDY C 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try and let her know how you feel first. Don't tell her you have already read some email. If you didnt see anything that makes you nervous, dont worry about it. If you did see stuff that shows inappropiate or dangerous behavior, let her know (I would say the email was by accident, but that once you saw it you realized this was something you needed to address.)
Talk to her.
Try using active listening. There is a great book - How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk - Check at the library as well
Good luck
2007-02-27 10:15:21 · answer #6 · answered by Freebird 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I will NEVER forget the advice of Carol Burnett when her daughter was found to be an addict. She said SNOOP SNOOP SNOOP through your kids stuff. YOU are the parent and you have the right to know whats going on with her. When a teenager is pulling back all of a sudden it could mean something very bad! You not only have the right you have the RESPONSABILITY to snoop as much as you have to.
2007-02-27 12:05:45 · answer #7 · answered by evertoldalie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I cannot think of any quicker way to drive your child even farther away from you than to snoop into her private life. Assuming you find something you don't approve of, what are you going to do? Do you think that your child will listen to anything you have to say after discovering that you've been spying and prying?
You say your child has "shut you out." Shouldn't you be addressing this issue? It's far from uncommon; I would think that any competent family counselor or therapist could help you, and I'm sure there are parenting groups that meet to deal with issues like this.
I think what you need to do, if you want to mend a relationship that sounds like it is in need of shoring up, is to go to your daughter and tell her that because of concerns over your relationship with her, you are going to be seeing a family therapist. Don't tell her about your snooping but STOP doing it immediately.
Admitting to your daughter that you are not a perfect parent, that any estrangement you have with her is as much your fault as hers, that you need help, and that you care enough to go get help, is the first step in trying to repair your relationship with her.
There is no shame in admitting you aren't perfect and getting help. None of us are perfect parents and teen-agers don't come with an owner's manual. Please get help to figure out what you need to do to keep on a good relationship with your daughter-- even if she won't admit it, she needs her mom as much as when she was little.
Good luck.
2007-02-27 10:22:41 · answer #8 · answered by Karin C 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes, because you are making sure that she is in a good space. With all kinds of issues kids have to face today and who knows if they are getting the support they need. Most parents are working and sometimes, even if you want to just hang out, you're just too burned out and need time to recharge and be accomodating to family and friends. Love her very much, she'll appreciate it!
2007-02-27 10:39:10 · answer #9 · answered by mamayou 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I was a teen my mother read my diary. She might have had the right to check up on me because I was so young, but I never really forgave her for that. You have to decide. I still love my mother and respect her very much! We are close! But she's so old now she wouldn't even remember that diary. Yet, it still gets my goat that while I respect her now, she didn't respect me then.
2007-02-27 10:17:23 · answer #10 · answered by Dovey 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
YES! Absolutely, but only to a certain degree is snooping okay. You have to draw the line somewhere with yourself because we need to teach our children respect and trust. However she is your daughter and living under your roof with your support, care and love. You should stay in touch the best way you can with whatever resources you have. Good Luck!
2007-02-27 10:29:03 · answer #11 · answered by Million C 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋